Semper Mine (Sons of War #1)(70)

He breaks off the kiss to tug off his shirt then presses his mouth to mine again. I let my hands roam his upper body, amazed and enthralled by the shapely muscles and his strength. His scent is stronger without his shirt, a mix of coconut and man, as complicated and consuming as his flavor.

I love it. I love that he’s got so many layers, so many puzzles for my senses. The hollow between my thighs is wet with need, my mind already fantasizing about how it’ll feel when he’s inside me.

Sawyer’s hands go up my shirt, one drifting over the scars on my back, and I hesitate for the first time.

The scars remind me of how much we’ve been through, of how battered we both are as people. He’s honorable, good and deserves everything good in the world. Being this close to someone this amazing reminds me of how flawed and imperfect I really am.

“What’s wrong?” he whispers, resting his forehead against mine.

“I, uh … one sec.” Prying myself loose from him, I go to stand in front of the hearth. The fire is the only light in my room.

Sawyer trails without crowding me, calm as always when my hands are trembling from emotion and need. I wish so much I could have more self-control like he does, especially right now. My soul feels exposed, and I’m terrified we’ll end up where we’ve been the past few months: devastated.

I pull off my shirt and unsnap my bra, dropping both. “I want to show you my scars.”

“I’ve seen them, Katya,” he replies gently.

I face him, not surprised when his eyes go to my breasts. He’s so sexy right now, standing in his jeans with his perfect upper body exposed. His brown eyes are bright with desire, his features softened with affection.

“No, Sawyer,” I say with some impatience. “I want you to see all of me. Every last imperfection. Because I’m afraid if we do this, and you don’t …” I can’t finish. I don’t know how to say what I feel. This is so much more than one night with him, and if he is going to be scared off by something about me, I’d rather know that now than later.

My heart can’t take him breaking it again. I’m about to lower every inch of my guard to someone I admire and respect more than I can express, and I’m scared.

His gaze lifts to mine, and understanding flickers through his features. “Show me,” he whispers.

I fumble with my jeans and unbutton them, pushing them and my underwear to the floor. I turn my back to him and pull my hair over one shoulder, so he can see the extent of the damage.

“I’ve got a lot of scars,” I say into the quietness.

His hand touches my shoulder lightly and goes down my back, tracing the edges of the scar tissue.

“You’re beautiful to me, Katya,” he murmurs, his other hand resting on one of my hips. I can feel the heat of his bare chest, inches from my back. “I don’t care how many scars you have or understand why you think who you are is going to scare me off.” His voice carries a tender note.

I listen, hardly daring to breathe. His hands skim my shoulders and down my sides, wrapping around me to my belly, where he clasps them and leans into me. His skin is hot at my back, the strong arms I’ve admired for months holding me securely.

“I won’t hurt you in any way, Katya,” he adds. “I’m here because I want to be with you. Nothing will change that. If this is too fast, I’m happy to wait until you’re ready.”

“No,” I murmur. I rest my hands over top his.

“I know what kind of person you are, and I like who you are. Enough to fly halfway around the world to see if there’s even the smallest chance you feel the same.”

“I do, Sawyer,” I whisper. Even hearing his words, it almost seems too incredible to be possible. That Sawyer Mathis, the man I’ve given hell since we met, is actually interested in me …

He turns me to face him. “You’re beautiful. Passionate, sweet, giving. You make me feel like it’s okay to let someone in finally.” He searches my gaze as he speaks. “When I got your letter, I thought there was no chance of ever seeing you again, and that crushed me.”

“I’m so sorry, Sawyer.” I touch his face and then wrap my arms around his neck, leaning into him. My heart is pounding hard, my body screaming for him to touch every part of me.

“We both had to heal, I think, before we were ready for this,” he says. “I swear, Katya, I want to be with you. Nothing you can do or say, no shoe you throw at me, will ever change my mind.”

I smile at the mention of the shoe. He’s serious and sincere, which is almost as mind blowing as the idea he’s holding me right now. I pull his head down to me and kiss him.

A different kind of warmth is blooming inside me, stoked to life by the idea he feels what I do about us.

Desire soon overtakes conscious thought, and I sigh when his hands reach my breasts, pause to tease my nipples, and continue down my body. He releases me briefly to remove his pants and picks me up, carrying me to my bed. I listen to his heartbeat, my blood racing.

Setting me down, he lies beside me on his side, his hand exploring my body while his mouth finds mine. His controlled, slow approach is killing me, driving me mad with need, and I shift onto my side, wrapping a thigh over his and trying to pull him on top of me.

Sawyer breaks off with a soft laugh. He pushes me onto my back once more and stays in place.