Seeing Danger (Sinclair and Raven #2)(66)

“I understand you do not trust my words, Lilliana, but in this Lord Sinclair is correct. I do need to beg your forgiveness, but I will not do it here.”

“You know nothing about me, Nicholas. You know not what I do from one day to the next. You cannot simply apologize to me and expect everything to be all right.”

“I know that too, and hope you will tell me what I do not know about you. Tell me the things I have missed out on in your life.”

Lilly's laugh held no humor. “Believe me, brother, you will not support them, but be warned you will not change the direction I have taken, nor will you get my money if that is still your agenda.”

“I do not want Grandmother's money, Lilliana.”

She almost believed him, but not quite. Not yet.

“I don't believe you, Nicholas.”

He looked sad.

“I did not expect you to do so immediately, but hope in time you will see that I want to change.”

James rose from his seat and stepped to Lilly's side and held out a hand. The gesture surprised her, as neither of them liked to touch or be touched. She placed her fingers in his, and let him lead her across the room until they were alone and the others could not hear.

“I know that like your brother I have given you no reason to trust me, Lilly, yet I would ask that you try.”

She nodded, but remained silent.

“I know what it is you do with the children, just as I now know about your house in Temple Street.”

“Sinclairs cannot keep secrets,” Lilly said.

His smile was gentle.

“Actually they can, but only if they believe they need to be kept. If they believe that in the telling, the words will help, they will do so without hesitation. In this, my brother-in-law was right, Lilly. You are my cousin, and I have neglected you for long enough. I want to be more involved in your life.”

“I do not expect society to care about what I do. They will look on it as my charitable works. But I had no wish for my brother to know. Appearances were everything to him, and that is why I have kept my life a secret.”

“Is that why you dressed and acted as you did also?”

She nodded. “I had no wish to wed, and Grandmother's will stated that if I reached twenty-six years still unmarried, then I could get the full amount she left me, and set up house on my own.”

“Ah, it all makes sense now. I must admit to wondering what had become of you. How you had changed so much from the intelligent child you were to the simpering, brainless, badly dressed woman I saw in society.”

“People see what they want, and once I had established the facade, no one questioned it.”

“Not even your brother.”

Lilly looked at Nicholas, who was watching her, and then her gaze moved to Devon, who was doing the same.

“I had not planned to wed, James. My life was to be my children.”

“But you care for Devon, Lilly. I can see that.”

She could not lie. “I do, but that scares me.”

“As it did me, cousin, when Eden stormed into my life. I was terrified when she began to tear down the walls I had placed around myself, the barriers I had erected because of my father.”

Lilly nodded, knowing she had built those barriers also.

“But love is worth the risk, Lilly. You and I were only living a half life before these Sinclairs stormed our defenses and made us feel.”

“It hurts to feel.”

“But to not feel is not living, cousin. So now I must ask if you love my brother-in-law.”

Lilly didn't miss the significance of the word brother-in-law. James was telling her he counted the man as family.

“With all my heart,” she said, looking at him.

“Then we shall make it happen,” James hugged her briefly.

“I feel as if I no longer have control over my life, James. For so long I knew the direction I was taking, yet lately....”

James laughed as he guided her back to the two men who waited silently across the room. “Yes, at first it is like being on a runaway carriage with no means of getting off. The Sinclairs are a protective lot, Lilly, who encompass you, but in time you will learn to like the feeling.”

“Like you do?”

“Like I do,” James acknowledged. “But I would ask you never to repeat that to any of them.”

Lilly sighed. “I am unsure how to let go of the control, James, as for so long it is what kept me going.”

“You need not let go of the control, Lilly. Just relax the reins slightly and the rest will fall into place. You will see.” He hugged her once more and she rested against him, enjoying the steady beat of his heart. She felt a small kernel of warmth that he was in her life now, that if she needed him, he would be there for her.

“Remember that I am always here for you now, Lilly. I am not going anywhere.”

“Thank you,” she whispered when he released her.

“Lilliana, I need to talk to you.”

Nicholas sounded urgent, and Lilly knew that if she was to return home with him, then yes, she should at least talk to him. Especially if he was going to try to change.

“Please let me speak to my brother alone.”

Devon didn't want to leave her with Nicholas; Lilly saw that.

“Let me talk with him, Devon. I promise to call for you if I need you.” Lilly touched a finger to his chin, which she could see surprised him. She was not someone who did such things with others watching.