Secret Mayhem (Back Down Devil MC #4)(43)

eighteen.



Waiting for Shay gave Ava the same anxiety she had when she used to look through the information about her father in the small room hoping one of the Lost Men wouldn’t bust in. Ava sat on the bed and waited for Shay. She couldn’t stop picturing the explosion. Jon was alive one second, fulfilling his duty of protecting her, and the next second he was dead, all because he was trying to show Shay his appreciation. It felt so wrong and unfair. But as terrible as it probably was to think, she couldn't help but be thankful that it wasn't herself and Shay on that bike when it blew up.

Jon died for the club. Which was more than anyone could say about Nile. He died a sick death, but he deserved to. No longer would he threaten Ava's life and make her live in fear. Shay and Trev made sure of that.

The door to the bedroom opened and Shay came stumbling in. He was drunk and bloody. It was fresh blood too. Not just from the fights. He had been hit again.

Ava jumped up. “Shay, what happened?”

“Took my punishment,” he said. “The person doing all this, Ava, is my brother. That’s my secret. You wanted to know why I was hiding, like you? That’s why. Caius is my f*cking brother. He’s been hurting people his entire life. And now he’s coming after me by hurting the club.”

Ava rushed to Shay and took him by the hands. “Shay, I’m so sorry. You could have told me."

“Don’t talk to me about it,” Shay said. He broke away from Ava and moved her out of the way. He tore off his leather cut and literally ripped his already torn shirt from his body. “You don’t understand a f*cking thing. You’re just some woman passing through here. You need protection so you open your f*cking legs.”

Ava gasped. “That’s not…”

Shay looked back. “My club is against me now. They have the right to be. I want to kill Caius. I had the chance before and couldn’t do it.”

“You will,” Ava said. “Just look at tonight. What happened was tragic, but it wasn’t you. You could have been on that motorcycle.”

She touched Shay’s shoulder and bit her lip. Shay shook her away.

“Fuck that. I wouldn’t have been so stupid.”

“Jon was stupid?” Ava asked.

“Are you f*cking kidding me? The motorcycle was moved somewhere else. What did you expect to happen? Caius wasn’t trying to kill me. He was just proving a point. He wanted us to know he could be anywhere, anytime. If he wanted me dead, I’d be dead. That was Jon’s fault for being a f*cking moron. For not understanding his surroundings. For getting lost in the moment. So worried about his leather cut and getting a goddamn patch. It doesn’t f*cking matter.” Shay spun around and grabbed Ava by her shoulders. The look on his face scared the hell out of her. “You hear me? It doesn’t f*cking matter. I’ve protected you, Ava. But I’ve let down my brothers out there. And now I’m going to kill my own flesh and blood, my only brother. That’s what my future looks like, if you care to know it. So when you find out about your husband, you need to get ready to go. I’m sorry. I won’t let anyone else down. And I won’t have anymore blood or death on my hands.”

Shay turned and went to the bathroom. The door slammed and Ava couldn't move. She’d never seen a man so emotionally broken before. And yet she wanted to be to closer to him. She wanted to protect him. Help him. But she had no idea how to do that.

Ava listened for the water to turn on before she walked to the door. Slowly, she opened it. It was just like the first time she snuck into the shower with him. The first time her small hand gripped his long, hard shaft. Ava studied Shay’s silhouette and noticed that he was hunched over, head hanging down.

After stripping herself, Ava walked to the shower and stepped inside. The warm steam made her shiver. This time, instead of being seductive, she clawed his shoulder and pulled. “Turn around and look at me.”

Shay listened. Water rushed down his beautiful face and blood still seeped from his wounds. He was beat up. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. His eyes looked defeated.

Ava grabbed his face with both hands and just held him. Her lips trembled as she tried to find words.

“I wanted to kill my husband,” she whispered. “I wanted to do it so bad. I had the chance every time he would get piss drunk and pass out after he forced me to do things. But I couldn't do it. No matter how much I hated him and wanted him dead, he was still my husband. My family. I just couldn't bring myself to do it."

“I have to do it,” Shay said. “I owe it to the club. I owe them my life, and I'll gladly die for them."

Ava’s lips continued to tremble. She wiped her thumb under Shay’s left eye, wiping blood away.

“I would die for you, Shay,” Ava said. “Because of what you’ve done for me.”

Shay shook his head. “No, love. That’s not going to happen. You need to stay safe until this blows over. And if I die, you run. Understand?”

“I’m not thinking about that,” Ava said. “You told me not to think about the past or the future. You told me to live in this moment and the present. You gave a speech about time to a man who was killed seconds later.”

Shay blinked fast and his lip curled. “I know that.”

“So I’m here, Shay,” Ava said. She came forward a little more. She took her left hand from Shay’s face. She ran her hand down his chest and stomach until she curled her fingers around his cock. “This is the present. This is the moment. So live it. Take me, Shay. Fuck me.”