Saxon(16)

Reasons for not falling in love with Saxon Tate.

He’s cheated before.

He’s my best friend’s ex.

He hurt my best friend.

He’s Ryder’s band mate.

All perfectly good reasons.

I can restrain myself, right?

“Fuck!” I growl when I realise that I don’t actually care much about any of those reasons anymore. They’re in the past, and even though I’m trying with everything I have to hold onto them, they don’t really matter anymore. Everyone has forgiven him, and they all seem to want us to get together. Still, for some reason, I don’t think I’m ready to go there with him. Why am I being so hesitant? When the reason hits me, I bang my head on my desktop table.

I guess it’s finally time I was honest with myself.

Saxon Tate may be the only man in the world with the power to hurt me.

He’s my weakness. My Achilles’ heel.

Now I can do two things with this information.

I can give in, hand him power over me, and hope that he doesn’t hurt me, or I can run. I can push him away, and with him the possibility of love and happiness.

I can be brave, and put myself out there, or I can be a coward, and continue on as I am.

The same image hits me, of Saxon with some groupie on his lap.

God, I hate that imaginary bitch.

I pull out my phone again and reply to him.

Tee-Where do you buy those donuts from?

It beeps instantly.

Saxon-You will have to wait until I come back.

I bang my head on the table once more.

Giving in to him feels like losing and winning at the same time.

I don’t like to lose.

But winning would mean I get him. I know it’s probably not the best idea, wanting a relationship with a rock star. Ryder and Lexi make it work, but like she said—even she has doubts now and again. I guess it really comes down to whether or not I’m willing to take a chance on him. I’ve had men pursue me before but none so thoroughly. Saxon notices every little detail about me, quirks and all.

I like that.

My mind roams back to the first time he asked me out. I was sitting at Steele, my brother-in-law’s bar where Morning Alliance used to play.

“Hello,” he said, sitting down next to me. “Can I buy you a drink?”

I wave my beer at him. “I already have one but thank you.”

“So you’re Ryder’s cousin,” he says, peering down on me.

“I am. And you’re Lexi’s ex,” I said, narrowing my eyes. “Cheating is kind of a douchebag move, you know?”

He looks down and plays with the label on his beer. “Wow, didn’t expect you to call me out on that.”

I shrug. “I’m kind of inappropriate.”

His lip twitches. “So I’ve heard. Listen, I f*cked up with Lexi but that’s not me, I mean… It’s something I’ll always regret, but it’s in the past.”

I nod my head. “The first step is admitting it.”

He laughs, tilting his head to the side in an adorable way. “What are you doing right now? Do you want to go and get something to eat, talk a little?”

I stand up and glance at my wrist, which is bare. “Oh look at the time. My pet mouse is waiting for me at home and needs to be exercised. Nice meeting you Saxon.”

He had laughed at my lame ass excuse, like he found my rambling endearing.

He clearly has something wrong with him.

He also seems to find my reactions and behaviours amusing, which is definitely a good thing. I can be a lot to handle.

One question lingers in my mind.

Is this just the chase to him?

If he catches me, then what?

Game over or just the beginning?

*****

I step into the kitchen of my family home and cringe when my mother calls out my name.

“Yes Mum?” I reply, reaching for one of the cookies my sister Layla baked.

She slaps my hand away. “How come you haven’t come to see us in a while? Are you dating someone? You should be married by now! I think you’ve put on weight.”

Annnnddd this was why I hardly ever come home.

“I’ve been busy with work. No boyfriend and no plan to marry anytime soon,” I tell her. I choose to ignore the weight comment because there is no point addressing that. “It also takes me a while to drive here, I can’t just drop by every time.”

“Why not? See your sister is already married to a great man and has a baby…”

I block her out after that and retreat to a happy place in my mind.

I hate that I see Saxon’s face as I opened the door and he was holding jam donuts in his hands.

Hmmmmm jam donuts.

I could really go for one right now.

That sweet gooey centre…

“Are you listening to me Tenielle?” she snaps.

I turn to her. “Of course I am.”

“Are you staying for dinner?” she asks. She cooked a typical Sri Lankan meal, so hell yeah I was staying for dinner.

“Yes I am. Where’s Dad?” I ask. He’s probably hiding out in the back because that’s what I’d be doing if I lived with her too.

“He’s out back working on his car,” she replies.

Bingo.

“Okay, I’m going to go say hello. Let me know when Layla gets here,” I tell her, walking out of that kitchen like it was on fire.