Saviour (Saviour #1)(53)

“Well judging by the look on her face, it was much more than nothing Gabe, especially in light of the fact that it was such a long time ago. I would say, wouldn't you?”

I’m pacing up and down the balcony as we speak. Am I making too much of this? It was a long time ago and just pure coincidence that they met up today, it’s not like he sought her out or anything. Am I making excuses for him, like I used to with Jay and his little slaps and put downs, f*ck no, I am not going down that path again.

“It was nothing, it meant nothing, it is nothing to me, she meant nothing, and she means nothing to me. I don't know how to make it any clearer to you”

I drink my wine and hold my glass out to him, indicating I want more and he had better f*cking well go and get it for me. Say no and see what happens, prick. I f*cking dare you, is what the loo I give him is saying. He does exactly as he should, and I can’t help but smile, his shoulders are slumped and I watch him give out a deep breath as he turns his back and walks inside. Enough with the punishment, or should I make him suffer some more? I need to hear all of the facts first I think. He comes back with the bottle in a cooler and Bourbon for himself. We both smoke another cigarette in silence. If I wasn’t so f*cking angry, this would actually be quite funny, I can imagine Gabe retelling this story and getting big laughs and much respect for it. So am I angry with him for having a past or am I angry at myself for being jealous about it? Two different issues, but he is being punished for both, well for now anyways. He starts to talk.

“We had quite a privileged upbringing, the best private schools, overseas holidays; we had a lot of material things but no Mum to love us. My Dad was devastated when she died. We all were. She was five months pregnant with Stella, my little sister, when they found a tumour on my Mums’ spine. She refused treatment until after Stell was born” He gulps on his drink as his voice waivers and I feel so bad for being such a bitch, he continues “By then it was too late. It had spread to her bones and her lymph glands. It took her eighteen months to die. By then it had spread to her lungs and her brain. I knew she was dying but I was four for f*cks sake. I had no concept of the finality of death; I didn't get what forever meant. It was harder on my brothers; they were older and had more idea about what was going on. Anyway, when she finally died, my Dad threw himself into work. He had inherited the business from my Mums’ Dad. He worked for my pop and married the boss’s daughter. Grandma and Pop had no sons so my Dad took over running things. When Mum died, he just wanted to make it into even more of a success, in her honour I suppose. Any way, he did exactly that, turning it into what it is today. For us boys it meant as soon as we turned thirteen, fourteen we were all expected to do our bit and it wasn't to be done in the office. We were all set to work with the tradies, weekends, school holidays, we were at work. When I was sixteen I was labouring for one of the bricklaying contractors that worked for us. They were renovating an old place in Glen Ira for some television personality. Anyway, there I was sixteen years old, working on a house reno’ during a Melbourne summer, so not wearing a lot. Karen Palmer, who was the wife of the client, was at the property quite a bit. There was lots of publicity at the time that Steve Palmer was shagging around, I was there on my own one Saturday morning having a clear up ready for the painters to start on the Monday, and she turns up, is was a shocker, about 30 degrees by 9o'clock so she calls me in and makes me a cold drink and we get chatting, an hour later she makes me another drink. I'm all done by 12 and as I say goodbye she asks if I wanna have a shower as I had told her earlier I was going straight to the beach to meet some mates. I'm hot, sweaty and dusty so I say yeah thanks, I'm in the shower and she gets in and joins me, without saying a word she gives me a blow job and gets out again. Over the course of the summer she doesn't leave me alone. We meet up any time we can. I'm 16 and getting to bang my brains out, seriously, she's up for anything, anywhere, so I'm happy to oblige. Summer ends, I go back to school and for me that's the end of it but she starts turning up outside the school, I walk out with a girl one night and she goes f*cking mental and hits me when I get in the car so that's my lot, I don't need that shit. Over the next few months she bombards me, letters, phone calls, turning up at places she knows I will be. She just won't take no for an answer, in the end I threaten to tell her husband and my dad if she doesn't leave off.” He drags his hand through his hair and shakes his head at the memory. “It does the trick and I've never seen her since, till I walked in that house earlier” He squeezes his eyes shut, is he trying to recall the image or shake it from his brain, I must of looked so pathetic standing there, all smug about showing off my new hot man, boy, lover. And she had already been there, long before me, well that’ll teach me. And then he does the old mind reading thing again.

“The look on your face Lauren, it only took you a split second of looking from me to her and you knew, no one else would have guessed that, but you did and I feel ashamed for what you went through back there, I can only imagine how much that must have hurt. I could see it in the look on your face, I never want to be responsible for that look again, and I am so sorry that happened baby, I wish I had never set eyes on the woman but I can't change things, it happened and when I very least expected it to, my past has come back to bite me on the arse and I'm sorry that you had to be involved, I would do anything for that not to be the case. Anything but it is what it is and I can’t change it, I’m a f*ck up Lauren, it was wrong, what I did, was wrong, I knew she was married” Again he rakes his hand through his hair with one hand and leans onto the balcony with the other “I don’t want to lose you over this Lauren but I’m glad you know, I wish you had found out differently but I’m glad you know, I don’t want there to be secrets between us, total honesty Lauren, always”