Saviour (Saviour #1)(13)
I look over to my girlfriends, they are all looking back at me.
“What are you thinking Lauren?” Shit, I must have made such a show of myself. “Go home with him for f*cks sake, he’s hot and he obviously wants you, go and let him f*ck your brains out, and then go home to Jay smelling of another man, a real man”
Ahhh Jo if only you knew how tenuously my grip is hanging on to my morals right now. I shake my head at them all and blow out a big breath.
‘Better Be Home Soon’ is being sung, another favourite. Who am I kidding, every song is my favourite when I've had a drink! But we do love this song, It's our anthem, it’s what we always sing at the end of a drunken night together, and the song we play down the phone if ever one of us is missing from a night out. When we start singing this, our husbands know it’s time to take us home, that’s the way it has been in the past at least. Well not anymore, from now on, I won't go home 'till I'm ready. Which was probably a couple of hours ago.
“Woohoo, Chooooooon gotta be done” I shout as we head back onto the dance floor.
CHAPTER THREE
It’s almost 3.30 in the morning when I let myself in. Jays car isn’t on the drive but that doesn’t mean he's not home, if he's had a drink, he would have taken a cab home. I’m not entirely sure what his plans were for the evening but I know he was going out and I know he has a golf day and an early start in the morning so he may well already be home
I open the bedroom door as quietly as possible and am relieved to see he is still out but quite literally, as I slide into bed, I hear his key turn in the door. I take in a few deep breaths and steady my breathing and settle into my pretend sleep mode but the effects of the alcohol and the late hour mean that I fall into a deep sleep almost instantly. I’m not sure how much time has passed when something wakes me up, taking a few seconds to get my bearings and still feeling very drunk, I realise that Jay is pulling at my sleep shorts.
“Jay, what the f*ck...I’m sleeping, wait till morning” I mumble
“Shhhh, come on; get your shorts off” he slurs. Jason has never been a big drinker but every now and then he gives it a good go and being a big bloke I know he must have drunk a lot to be slurring his words.
“Come on Ren” he says into my neck as he tries to put his hand up my vest
"I’ve missed you, I haven’t had sex for a week, come on, just f*ckin do it, don't f*ck me about”
My blood runs cold…What did he just say? He hasn’t had sex for a week? I haven’t had sex for well over a month. I am suddenly stone cold sober and sit up in my bed, pushing his arms away.
“You haven’t had sex for a week….so who the f*ck was it you were having sex with a week ago, because it certainly wasn’t me Jay?”
“What are you banging on about Lauren? Just take off your shorts and f*ck me, I’ll be quick” My head’s spinning but it’s not from the alcohol I’ve consumed, it’s from the cold harsh reality that’s slowly sinking into my brain.
“Who have you been f*cking Jay? We haven’t f*cked in over a month and yet you had sex a week ago, who are you f*cking?”
I don’t know if I’m angry, relived, devastated. He is f*cking about behind my back and then coming home and beating me? Why have I stayed, why didn’t I get out years ago? I just cannot believe this, how did I not know, how did I not realise, I’m an idiot, a complete and utter idiot!
“It was nothing Lauren, don’t worry about it, stop over reacting”
I reach over and turn on the bedside lamp, what is he saying? What is he telling me, is he outright confessing that he’s been unfaithful? My brain automatically gives me an image of Gabe and what we could have been doing right now, if I had only been armed with this information earlier. There is something seriously wrong with my thought process right now, the man I have been in a relationship with for 26 years, married to for 25, the man who thinks it’s okay to push, pull and drag me about, has just confessed to sleeping with someone else and my first thoughts are of another man, does that make me as bad as Jay, as I’m just as guilty of adultery as he is?
“Don’t worry about it, just go to sleep, it must be four in the morning I have to be out at 6 I’m playing golf”
“What the f*ck difference does it make what time it is? It could be three in the arvo, tell me what the f*ck is going on here, are you f*cking someone else? Fucking tell me”
I know I am starting to become hysterical, I don’t feel like crying but I do want answers and he is just brushing me off and has turned over away from me. Anger starts to kick in as he says “turn the light off and go to sleep, no wonder I don’t wanna f*ck ya, you miserable bitch”
I turn my back on him and say nothing, I can’t speak, I have so many thoughts charging through my mind, I am quite literally, gob smacked.
“Turn the f*cking light off” I jump as he roars at me….
“Fuck you Jay; turn the f*cking light off yourself”
Without warning I feel his feet kick right into the middle of my back and I fly out of the bed, crashing into the bed side chest of drawers face first. The small chest falls over with the force and I land on it with my arm out trying to protect myself from the impact. The drawers turn and my hand slips, sending my ribs smashing into the corner. I am aware of a sharp pain in my shoulder but for a few seconds I am completely stunned. I start to get up but let out a cry as pain shoots through my shoulder again.