Saved by Love (Willow Valley Book 3)(22)

"I'm so sorry. I don't know where my head is." But, of course, that wasn't true. She knew exactly where her mind was. She hadn't—as usual—been able stop thinking about Ethan since he left her at the apartment to help with the fire. He texted her Saturday afternoon saying that he’d just returned home and was sorry he’d had to bail on their date. She hadn’t heard from him since and assumed he was catching up on much-needed rest.

Denise gave her a sympathetic smile. "I understand, honey."

Setting the chopping knife down on the island, Abby leaned forward and stared earnestly into Denise's eyes. "Can I ask you a question?"

Denise stopped prepping the Sunday dinner they were working on and wiped her hands on her apron before steering Abby away from the kitchen island to the antique wooden kitchen table.

"Sit down, honey. Tell me about it."

Abby took a deep breath, unsure how much she wanted to reveal to Denise. It wasn't long ago that she would have gone to her own mother to discuss any problems she was having, but now that her mother was gone and she'd come to Willow Valley, Denise had quickly become a surrogate mother to her. Abby was continually amazed that Denise could be so kind and welcoming to her under the complicated circumstances—even more so than her own father.

"Are you sure you want to talk about it?" Denise gave her hand a squeeze. "You don't quite look like you do."

Before she could think better of it, she began pouring out the whole tale of how she had gotten involved with Ethan, if that was even the right word. She still wasn't sure what they were to each other—just that it was something she couldn't easily dismiss and walk away from.

When Abby was finished speaking, Denise leaned back, studying her with wise eyes that had seen their fair share of what life could deal out. "What's holding you back?"

Abby started. "What do you mean?"

Denise smiled gently. "Obviously you're very interested in the man, and it appears he’s just as interested in you. I'm trying to understand what the problem is."

"I guess I'm just afraid." She bit her lip, unsure of how much more she wanted to reveal.

"What are you so afraid of?" Denise was one to get straight to the heart of the matter.

Abby leaned her elbows on the table and dropped her forehead into her palms. Heaving a great sigh, she looked back up at Denise and said, "I'm afraid of getting hurt."

Abby searched Denise's face for reassurance and saw shadows there that indicated she had been in a situation that also caused hurt. It made sense. Based on what Jesse had told her, Charles Kincade’s infidelity hadn’t been a one-time occurrence. How had she dealt with the betrayal over and over again?

She pursed her lips. "I think there's always the potential to get hurt when you open yourself up to another person. You just have to decide if it's worth the risk."

Abby absorbed those words. Was Ethan worth the risk? She couldn't say that just yet. But she did know she would have a hell of a time trying to stay away from him. She didn't even want to try anymore. The problem was, how could she get past her own issues to even give it a shot? And would he even want to? It wasn’t a secret that Ethan didn’t do relationships. Even though he seemed to be pursuing her, she was risking getting hurt just by taking that chance.

"Here's the thing," Abby said, gearing herself up to let Denise in a little closer to her heart. Something she found surprisingly easy with this woman who had welcomed her into her family. “I've been hurt in the past. Badly. So much so that I walled myself off, told myself that if I didn't get close to anyone then I'd be safer that way. I wouldn't get hurt."

Denise leaned forward, clasping her fingers together under her chin. "Is that really any way to live? I don't know what you've been through, other than what you told me about your mother, but you seem pretty strong from what I've seen. You’re tougher than you think. It takes guts to come to a new town and meet a family you never knew you had."

Abby smiled at her, appreciating the way she viewed her. But she didn’t feel strong anymore. Not like she used to be, before fear and uncertainty ruled her life.

"Everyone I've ever cared for, or that I've ever let in, I've lost. I mean everyone. How can I risk that again? How do you move on when there's a very real fear that history will repeat itself?"

Denise sighed and leaned back in her seat, her eyes distant, as if she were remembering history of her own.

Abby knew it had to be hard living with a man after knowing that he was unfaithful, and a multiple offender at that. She hated to dredge up those memories for Denise, but Abby’s mere presence in her home surely had to bring them to the surface every time she was faced with her husband’s other child. But in spite of it, she was always generous and welcoming to Abby. She really was a spectacular woman.

Finally, Denise spoke. "My situation is different from yours. I can read between the lines enough to see that you've been hurt in the past—not just by losing your mother and finding out about your father—but that you've been hurt by the loss of a man who was very special to you. Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think so. What I can tell you is that living a life full of what-ifs and fears is not actually living at all. You have to make the decision for yourself. Do you want to take the risk and put yourself out there, potentially finding something amazing, or is playing it safe the better bet?"