Rush: The Season (Austin Arrows Book 1)(120)

“I saw you out there on the ice. The fight you were almost in.”

Aw. So she’s worried about my shitty performance on the ice.

“Nothing to worry about, Ellie. It’s all good.” I glance down at James again. “You probably shouldn’t leave your boyfriend waiting.”

Fuck. Did that really come out of my mouth?

Based on the horror reflected in Ellie’s face, it did.

“He’s not—”

“Look,” I say, leaning in close. “I can’t do this shit anymore. I’m sorry for dragging you into this arrangement. I never meant for it to go this far. If I could turn back time, I would. You deserve someone far better than me, Ell. Someone like…” I can’t keep from looking down the hall once more. “Him.”

“I don’t want him,” she counters, her eyes wide. “That’s not what this is ab—”

“Look, I got to go. I’ll talk to you later, yeah?”

Without waiting for a response, I turn and walk out the door into the night. I suck cold air into my lungs as fast as I can.

Inhale, exhale.

Inhale, exhale.

Fuck.

Pain blossoms in my chest. It radiates out through my arms. If I didn’t know better, I would think I was having a heart attack.

Unfortunately, my heart is involved, but it’s not ceasing to beat, it’s … shattering.





Ellie

Staring through the glass of the door, I watch Kingston disappear into the darkness of the parking lot. I can’t stop his words from replaying in my head.

I can’t do this shit anymore. I’m sorry for dragging you into this arrangement. I never meant for it to go this far. If I could turn back time, I would.

I don’t even know what happened. I brought James to the game with the intention of introducing him to my brother. I haven’t had a chance to catch up with Spencer though he is fully aware of what’s going on with Bianca’s father, so I thought we could grab a bite after the game. I also wanted to introduce James to Kingston, hoping that maybe meeting him face-to-face would ease some of the strain between us.

Apparently that was a stupid idea.

“Something wrong?”

I jump at the sound of James’s voice, spinning around to face him.

“Not at all. I’m good,” I lie. There is nothing good about this. I’m not exactly sure what happened between Kingston and me just now, but it wasn’t good. Not even close.

“Ellie!”

Great. Now I have to deal with Spencer.

I force myself to shove Kingston’s bitter remarks to the back of my mind for now. I need to focus on the task at hand, which is allowing James and Spencer to get to know one another. Although I’m comfortable with James, I need to know that Spencer is, too. I wouldn’t want to find out that I’ve missed something along the way and put my daughter in danger because I was happy that she was finally going to get her wish of meeting her father.

“Come on,” I tell James. “Let’s get some dinner.”



An hour and a half later, we’re still sitting at a table in a nearby restaurant while Spencer and James tell ridiculous hockey stories. I’ve tried to smile and laugh when appropriate, but it’s not easy when the only thing I want to do is drive over to Kingston’s house and confront him. I still can’t believe the things he said to me. Why in the world would he think that I’ve got anything going with James? James isn’t the one I want. Never will be the one I want.

Do I like him? Yes. Do I want him and Bianca to establish a relationship? Of course. Do I want to lose Kingston because of it? God no.

Unfortunately, if it comes down to it, I have to put my daughter first. I won’t chase a man; I won’t beg and plead for him to accept me for who I am. I won’t let my daughter see me doing that. It’s not the sort of role model I want for her. She deserves better than that.

Doesn’t mean that I have to be in a relationship with James. He’s an attractive man, sure. I can even understand why I slept with him all those years ago. But he isn’t Kingston. He isn’t the man I want.

“So, you’re an agent?” Spencer asks James. “You ever play hockey?”

“Yeah. I made it as far as the AHL, but I knew I wasn’t going any further than that. Then a torn ACL took me out completely. I got my law degree, passed the bar, sat behind a desk for a few years. Then I realized I wanted back into hockey, but I knew I couldn’t play. Figured this was a good way to be in the action.”

“And you represent Heath Rush, huh?”

I glance over at James, completely shocked by this revelation. “What? You didn’t tell me that.”

James chuckles. “You didn’t ask.”

“Oh, my God. You’ve been there all along?”

James shakes his head. “I wouldn’t say all along, but yeah. When you look at it that way, I’ve been somewhat in the wings without either of us realizing it.”

James has been that close this entire time. Bianca’s father has been … only a couple of degrees of separation away. Wow. Talk about a small world.

“I’d heard Heath was looking for a new agent,” Spencer says.

The mere mention of Heath makes me think of Kingston. I still see him standing there, staring at me. He’d looked so lost, so angry.