Rush: The Season (Austin Arrows Book 1)(114)

“Kingston… I’m… Oh, f*ck!”

I had wanted to drag this out all damn night, but the instant her * clamps down on me, I’m unable to hold back. I slam my hips forward one last time and come deep inside her. It’s only then that I realize I’m silently praying that God doesn’t take this woman from me.

I’m not sure I’ll survive it.

I’m not sure I’ll want to.





46

Ellie

Wednesday, December 21st

“Captain Douchebag,” Noelle states, lifting her wineglass. “That’s such a good name. It’s actually disappointing that I don’t get to use it for him.”

After spending the last few days in an emotional fog, I finally felt up to sharing the details of what happened with James with Noelle. I haven’t talked to Kingston about it yet, but only because he seems to be pulling away from me. I know this must be hard for him, but I’m not sure how to make it easier. For any of us.

When Spencer and Kingston stopped by and picked Bianca and Gabby up to go ice skating, I knew my brother was giving me a chance to talk to Noelle about what’s going on. When I chose to tell him, he didn’t delve too deep into the subject, so I didn’t offer. I think he might feel guilty about the way he originally treated me. Which is fine because he should. I get that something’s going on with him, but he has no right to take it out on me.

It’s as though he and Kingston want to remain completely oblivious on the matter. I don’t like it, but I know everyone is processing this in their own way. So, I’m taking advantage of the fact Noelle will give me her unbiased opinion, regardless of what she thinks I might want to hear. That’s what best friends do. They’re brutally honest.

“He’s not a douchebag,” I inform my best friend. “James is actually really nice.”

“You sound surprised by that.”

I take a sip of my wine, giving that some thought. I don’t know why I had preconceived ideas of what James would be like. Maybe it’s from more than a decade of thinking about this scenario. I never would’ve predicted that the conversation would’ve gone quite so smoothly. Telling a man you knew for all of five, six hours tops, that you gave birth to his child and you would like to introduce the two of them… It could definitely get ugly, and I guess that’s what I expected. Pure fear.

I think all mothers might think this way. When you have children, there comes a point in your life when you know that the world would cease to exist without them in it. Whether it’s the second you put your arms around them when they’re born, or when they say their first word, take their first step, give their first kiss, a mother feels everything inside her. Whatever it is, a mother knows her life would never be the same if someone or something took that from her. That’s what love is. A mother can learn to deal with the pain of losing a spouse, having to start life over after a divorce or, God forbid, a tragic accident. But when it comes to her children… There is this love that is irrational, bringing with it a sense of fear even when it’s not warranted. Just looking at them… Every time I look at Bianca, I feel it. My heart swells to overflowing, and that something I can’t explain is there. Something tethers your children’s hearts to yours from the very beginning, and nothing will ever break that bond.

That’s how I feel about Bianca.

“I am surprised,” I tell Noelle. “I remember this extremely sexy alpha male. Maybe he was, or maybe that’s what I wanted him to be. I don’t know. But this guy… He is nothing like the man I remember.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

I shake my head. “Not at all. He’s being very mature about this. Which is good. I think the only way we can make this work is to be adults about it.”

Noelle giggles. “I can’t believe he was nineteen when you took advantage of him.”

I choke on a laugh. “I don’t think there were any advantages being taken. We were both more than willing.”

“Have you told Bianca?”

I shake my head. “I will. Eventually. I don’t know when, though. I’m meeting with James again tomorrow for lunch. I want to talk about a few things. Like the paternity test.” I smile. “He didn’t have a problem when I suggested it. I looked up what it entailed. Did you know they have them online now? Supposedly it’s a simple process and won’t take long to get the results back. Faster if I’m willing to pay to have them expedited. I want James’s take on it. See if he’s good with that.”

“I’m sure he’ll be fine. He sounds extremely accommodating so far.”

I detect a hint of sarcasm in Noelle’s tone. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing.” She waves me off. “I just think he’s taking this pretty well for a guy who was told he has a twelve-year-old kid.”

I couldn’t argue with her. He does seem to be taking it well. It’s another reason I want to talk to him. I need to make sure he doesn’t have some ulterior motive. I’d like to believe I would’ve sensed if he did, but right now, I’m a jumble of emotions and nerves, so I doubt it.

“What does Kingston think about all this?”

I shrug. “He hasn’t asked and I haven’t told him. I’m sure this is hard on him. He’s like my brother in that regard. I think he holds something against James for what happened when I went to Vegas, although it’s not his fault. He had no way of knowing…” I glance at the table. “I have no way of knowing how he feels because it’s like he refuses to talk to me about it.”