Rough Rider (Hot Cowboy Nights, #2)(78)

“Now you’re making me feel like a self-centered *.”

“If the boot fits…” Wade slouched back and cocked his hat with a grin. “You might actually be the biggest * I know, but you’re still my brother and I care about you. What’s more, whether you deserve her or not, Janice seems to care too.”

Wade was right. He’d been an *. But now he realized he had nothing to lose and everything to gain.





Chapter 17


Janice’s heart leaped into her throat at the sight of Dirk shadowing the doorway, but she refused to let him see how much she hurt. “How’d you get in here?” She opened a drawer and emptied the contents onto the bed beside the suitcase.

“Your mother let me in,” Dirk said. “What are you doing?” He had to navigate around the boxes and Bubble Wrap that littered the bedroom floor to get to her.

“What does it look like?” She glanced up at him. “I’m packing.” She slammed the drawer shut, barely missing her own fingers.

“We need to talk.”

“Now you want to talk? What about two days ago?” She snatched up a pillow and hit him with it. It wasn’t nearly enough, so she followed with an attempted punch to his gut, but he grabbed her wrist before she could land it.

“Maybe I was a dickhead two days ago.”

“Yeah, you were.” She laughed bitterly. “But maybe that hasn’t changed. Now is not a convenient time, Dirk.”

“What I came for can’t wait any longer.” He stepped beside her and shut the suitcase, forcing her to acknowledge his questions. “Is he really mine? Is Cody my son?”

Janice drew a deep breath against a sudden wave of nausea. In truth, the revelation had come as much of a shock to her as it had to him. “You’ve got to know I never would have dropped a bomb like that on you. Not in a million years.” She averted her gaze and reached for another box. He laid his hand over hers.

“Answer the question, Red.”

Her gaze flickered upward, from the hand that covered hers and then back to his face. His expression was grim, his gaze searching. Janice sank her teeth into her bottom lip. “I don’t know for certain, but I think maybe—”

“How can you not know?” Dirk cried.

“Because it was only that one time between you and me. And even then, we used protection. After that, I was only with Grady and we didn’t use anything, least not after he said he wanted to marry me.”

“You never questioned? Never wondered?”

“Did you?” she threw back at him. “You saw Cody when he was about five. Did it ever occur to you that he could be yours?”

“No. Why would I?”

She cocked her head. “So you think I have ESP or something?”

“Shit I don’t know. Aren’t women supposed to just sense these things?”

She shook her head on a sigh. “Maybe a tiny part of me always wondered if he could be yours, but I pushed it down, not wanting to think about it too hard. Life with Grady was complicated enough. It wasn’t until your mother said something that I even noticed the resemblance between you and Cody. I’d never seen it before, but then the photo hit me like a bolt from the blue. Other than my coloring, he does look just like you. But this doesn’t make any difference, Dirk.”

“The hell it doesn’t! You’re not going anywhere with my son.”

“He’s my son,” she replied in steely tones. “There’s no proof of anything beyond that.”

“Damn it all. That was not what I came here to say.” Dirk snatched off his hat and threw it down with a curse. “This is not how this was supposed to go down. Shit! I’m only here five minutes and I’ve already f*cked the whole thing up.” He grasped her chin and tilted it upward until she was looking straight into his eyes. “Janice, please listen to me. You asked me a while back why I left you in Cheyenne. Why I joined the marines? I need to tell you the whole truth of it.”

She turned slowly, hands on hips. “I’m listening,” she replied, feeling wary but keeping her tone and expression neutral.

“I knew ten years ago that you were the one for me. But by the time I finally decided to tell you that it was done between Rachel and me, when I finally pulled my head out of my ass, it was too late. I’d waited too damned long.”

“What did you expect from me?” Janice cried. “You took my virginity and then barely spoke to me for weeks—”

“Took? Seems to me it was an even exchange, sweetheart.”

“Maybe that’s true, but how could I know you gave a damn about me by the way you acted?”

“I told you it was a big mistake. I never should have let you walk out of the Outlaw that night. I should have gone after you then. I should have made you listen. I should have protected you from Grady.”

She was hanging on every word she’d waited ten long years to hear. She could barely swallow, let alone speak. “If you cared at all,” she whispered, “why didn’t you speak up before?”

He grasped her by the shoulders in an almost painful grip. “You listening good?”

Janice nodded.

“Because I was having trouble dealing with it. Because I was a chickenshit. A coward. Plain and simple. I knew that if we got together, I’d never leave Montana—I’d never leave you—and that scared the hell out of me. I just didn’t feel ready. By the time I worked through it you were with Grady.” He raked a hand through his hair. “I’ve screwed up so many times in my life that I’ve long lost count. I don’t want this to be another one. I’m not gonna lie. I still don’t feel ready, but I guess I never will be until I just cowboy up and deal with it. I want us to work this out.”