Rough Rider (Hot Cowboy Nights, #2)(51)

A number of ranching outfits had downsized in the past few years, and just as many had sold out, but she’d never expected the Knowltons to join those ranks. “Are you selling out too?” she asked. “I saw the broker’s car.”

Dirk’s face darkened. “Wade’s been pushing for it, but it’ll be over my dead body. Seems it just may come to that too, ’fore all is said and done. How ’bout that beer?” He grabbed a couple of Coors from the fridge and popped the tops.

“Your hand’s bleeding,” she observed. She closed hers over it as he offered her the bottle. Their eyes met, the first contact of skin on skin seemed to startle them both. “Let me wrap it up for you.”

“It’s nothing.” He jerked it out of her grasp. “I don’t need a mother, Janice.”

He handed her the bottle and then made a careless bandage from a paper towel he snatched from beside the sink. He waited until she sank into the sofa, before settling into an overstuffed chair to her right. She wondered if he’d done it to hide his scars from her.

“Wanna tell me now what really brought you out here?” he asked. “We both know it wasn’t to talk about bulls.”

Heat inflamed her face to be called out for her subterfuge. “I saw Wade the other night and asked about you,” she confessed. “He said you could use an old friend—and frankly so could I. I’ve been away a long time now and I’ve lost touch with a lot of folks. Most of my connections were with the rodeos and I don’t do that anymore, so I guess I’m just feeling kinda lonesome.”

“And you wanna be friends?” He snorted.

“Yeah. Why’s that so funny?”

“Because we’ve had this conversation before, Red. I told you a long time ago that men and women can’t be friends. Sooner or later…” He let his words die off with a shrug.

“But time changes things, Dirk. People change.”

He laughed outright this time. “Don’t know why you think time makes any difference. I haven’t changed genders and haven’t changed my views either.”

But he had changed in a lot of other ways. He’d become hard, wary, and cynical. She was comfortable with the old Dirk, but this version was different. He seemed edgy and volatile. She knew she’d changed a lot too, but in less obvious ways. His wounds were visible; hers were well hidden.

“For my part,” he continued, “I’d only find the whole thing frustrating as hell if you started coming around, and I already have enough frustrations without adding to them. I hate to be so blunt, but I’d rather save us both the trouble and cut through the bull. If you came only looking for polite conversation, you’ve knocked on the wrong door.” His eyes drifted slowly over her with the kind of look that made her insides stir. In reality, his gaze hadn’t left her since the moment he’d closed the door.

She fully understood the implication, his interest in things other than conversation was perfectly clear. Still watching her, Dirk took a long swig from his beer. Janice hadn’t taken a single sip of hers. She shifted uneasily. For the second time she felt the impulse to take flight. Coward. You know why you came.

She’d been with two men in her entire life—Dirk and Grady. She’d lost her virginity to the former and her innocence to the latter.

Sex had been second only to bull riding with Grady. And he was just as rough and aggressive—especially when the adrenaline was still raging after a ride. And he liked trash talk. The raunchier the better. It was titillating at first but the novelty had quickly worn away. Then there were other women. Lots of women. He was discreet in the beginning but later… No matter how hard she tried, Grady could never get enough and she could never be enough.

The years with Grady had shaken her confidence to the core. If it wasn’t for that one night she’d spent with Dirk, she might have been turned off from sex for good. For ten years Janice had held that memory close to her heart. They’d connected on a level she’d never experienced with Grady. It gave her hope that she could still have a normal relationship, a normal life. She was desperate to reclaim that intimacy, but now that the moment she’d fantasized about for so long had come, she was suddenly terrified.

What if this was another mistake?

They were both so different now. Although their shared history still bound them, the old camaraderie was gone. There was a tension between them now. An edge. Even now he was studying her in that unnerving and wolfish way.

She concentrated on scraping the label from the bottle with her thumbnail. It was decision time. She could get up and walk out, or she could take whatever he was willing and able to give. She was so tired of feeling alone…of being alone.

Her heart hammered a rapid tattoo as she looked up and took the plunge. “What if I didn’t come for polite conversation?”

“Then I’d say be damned careful what you wish for.” His throat worked on a hard swallow. “You don’t want to get involved with me, Red,” he warned her. “I’m a f*cking mess—inside and out. If you have any sense, you’ll get up and walk out that door. Right. Now.”

His words were harsh and self-deprecating, but Janice read the truth flickering in his blue eyes—he was every bit as scared as she was. What were they both so afraid of? It wasn’t even their first time together.