Romance:From Fat To Fatale
Beran Parry
Foreword
Never in the field of human calorie consumption, has so much been consumed by so few.
Meet the Bulgaris, your super-sized neighbours who are as likely to scavenge in your bin for left-overs at four o’clock in the morning as they are to offer you a life-threatening portion of super-concentrated, artery-choking, goose-fat soup.
And standing amongst this elephantine herb of constant browsers and grazers is the amazing Misha, the feistiest and smartest member of the clan, a mould-breaking young lady who is about to show the world that there is so much more to her than a TripleX size waist band and a permanent question mark about the precise spot where her boobs end and her belly begins.
Misha is about to get a wake-up call about her weight, a call to arms that will set her on an unexpected pathway to a new life and the kind of adventures that no one would ever have dreamed of.
This is Misha’s story, told in her own words, every syllable carved from her own experiences, a tale of transformation, a legend that would soon be re-written by the public relations media that would one day give her a new name and a new identity. But that was far ahead in the future.
Her adventure begins on a smaller stage, in her home town, in a familiar community that some of you might even recognise. Perhaps you might even recognise her. In that case she’d be grateful if you would exercise a little discretion and keep the secret to yourself. A confidence between friends.
If you’re ever in Hollywood, you can laugh about it later over a quiet drink together.
Introduction
Welcome to your new best friend in the amazing world of love, life, fun and fabulousness! All this and the hilarious pursuit of a skinnier new body. Say hello to the beautiful, big, bodacious Misha Bulgari, the funniest lady in the double extra-large section of the clothing department, a feisty, smart lady with a rapier wit and a shadow that could be mistaken for a solar eclipse.
Weight loss? Are you nuts? Her family of tripleX sized food-fanatics don’t believe in skinny! Thin people are screaming out for calories. Feed them! Thin is a sign of sickness! Feed those skinny people - and then feed some more. Mama tells Misha every day - Men need something they can hang onto! You can get a hint of the challenges here, can’t you? Hey, how about another slice of home-made triple chocolate fudge cake to keep you snacked between meals?
So now you can join Misha on her epic adventures in the wacky world of weight loss, follow her step by step as she pursues an amazing array of personal challenges to get her body off the endangered species list.
And Misha just loves to share, so she is not the kind of lady who’s going to spare you any of the finer details! Oh, no. From the disasters of her frustrating attempts to find love in the arms of strangers to her unexpected friendship with the most special person in her young life, Misha will touch your heart and cheer your soul as she discovers a different sense of identity, hidden beneath those protective layers of comforting blubber.
The adventure is just beginning and it will take many unexpected twists and turns but you’ll be with her every step of the way. Hey! It’s supposed to be fun. Enjoy the journey.
Chapter 1:
Introductions all round
Hi, Gorgeous.
I'm Misha Bulgari and I'm so glad you could join me on my exciting adventures in the wonderful world of weight loss. As we've only just met, I should really start by being completely honest with you. After all, you're going to be tagging along on this adventure - so you probably need to know a few little personal details about me first, don't you?
Maybe we should start with the obvious. You're probably wondering what I look like, right? Well, I've never been what you might call petite. And 'skinny' probably wouldn't be the first word that sprang to mind when you caught a glimpse of my silhouette. No. The fact is that I might've been carrying a few extra pounds here and there. OK. More than a few. Alright, already!
A lot! A lot of extra pounds. Are you happy now? Let's just say that there's been a lot of junk in the trunk. And yes, it's sometimes been hard to figure out where the belly ends and the boobs begin.
Do you really need this much detail? Will you beneeding my gynaecologist’s phone number too? Jeez! Some people. But hey - some guys actually like bigger gals. Thank the good Lord there are still enough weirdos out there to make life interesting. And I definitely have big bones too. And, just for your personal information, extra weight happens to run in the family - though most of the time it just seems to hang precariously over the front of the elasticated waistbands.
There's my brother Miclav. Now that is one jelly-butted, blubber brother who should qualify for personal invites to the staff parties at Donuts R Us. We're talking one seriously big hombre here but no one seems to care about his weight issues. Oh no. He looks like he was born to fit right in with the rest of the high fat, sugar-dusted, candy-cramming, Bud-slugging guys in the neighbourhood.
And
Papa Bulgari quit measuring his waistline when he ran out of numbers on the measuring tape. Never been known to leave anything remotely edible in the vicinity of his plate. Did you know he was once arrested over a misunderstanding about his constitutional right to scavenge for leftovers in the neighbour's waste bin? At four o'clock in the morning. The cops said he should be kept on a leash at night for his own safety.