Rise - Part Two (Rise #2)(19)

I sigh heavily in relief knowing that I choose two beautiful handmade bracelets for Lilly and Haven at a market in downtown Los Angeles. I admit that I did it after Lilly texted me about how excited she was about the gift I was bringing back for her.

I open the box carefully, pulling the lid off before placing it on my desk. I look down and notice a simple white card folded in two. "What is this?"

Her hands leap to her face as a sob escapes her.

I feel myself tear up almost instantly even though I have no idea what treasure awaits me when I pick up the card. I rest the box in my lap as I unfold the paper and I read the four simple words written in Lilly's handwriting:

Congratulations! You're a Godmother.

I watch as the paper beings to tremble. I feel my entire body react to the words.

"You want me..." I hold up the paper towards her. "You want this."

"I want you to be Haven's Godmother." She moves quickly around my desk until her arms are wrapped around my neck. "Clive wants it too. Our little girl needs the best Godmother in the world. That's you, Tess."

"What does it mean?" I ask under my breath. "What do I do?"

She lowers herself to her knees, her hands resting over mine. "It means you'll help us take care of her. You'll love her too, like you do already and Tess, Clive and I want you to be her guardian in case something happens to us. We know you'd be a good mother to our little girl."

Her words collide in my mind with the last conversation I had with Ansel and as I reach forward to drape my arms around her neck, I sob into the air. "I would have been such a good mom. I would have been."





Chapter 18


––––––––

"You never told me you were pregnant." Lilly's eyes drop to my flat stomach. "How pregnant were you?"

I was pregnant enough to mourn the loss of what might have been. "Just a few weeks. I was right around the two month mark when I started spotting."

She swallows hard. "It was Ansel's?"

I hate to admit that. I've mourned the loss of my baby, not Ansel's baby. He may have been the one who shared the night of muted passion with me that lead to the conception, but after that, he wanted everything to be kept secret. He was even making plans for me to move to Europe alone to have the baby when I suffered a miscarriage.

"Ansel was the dad," I say quietly. "He didn't take the news very well. He wasn't happy about it."

"I'm sorry, Tess." She leans forward to grab my hands in hers. "I can't tell you that I know what you feel because I don't."

"You know about loss," I release the breath I've been holding since I told her I lost my baby. "I've wanted to tell you so many times, Lilly, but I know you don't like talking about death. I know you lost everyone you love."

She nods silently as she studies my face.

"Your father stole your mother and siblings from you. I didn't know how to mention that I was still mourning the loss of a child that I'd just conceived. I never knew my baby. I don't know if it was a boy or a girl."

She pauses to take a deep breath as her hand moves to my chest. "You knew your baby in here, Tess. You miss your baby in your heart. No loss is worth more than another. I want to help you with this. Let me help you."

"No one but you and Ansel know." I try to calm my voice. "I never told my dad or my mom because I was so early in the pregnancy. Ansel didn't tell anyone."

"I know now." She leans forward to kiss my cheek. "We can talk about it whenever you need to."

Her words offer me a comfort I didn't know I needed this desperately and as I stare into the face of my best friend, I finally feel myself letting go of the most painful moment of my past.

***

"Are you going to tell Landon?" Lilly straightens her skirt. "You should tell him."

"At some point I will." I reach to pull a wayward piece of lint from her blouse. "It's too early to bring up stuff like that. Ansel and I are done, that's all Landon really wants to know at this point."

Her left brow pops up. "Is he jealous of the ex-boyfriend? If he is that's a great sign."

It may be a great sign if we're in middle school but Landon is a thirty-one-year-old man. He's confident, kind and compassionate. He's also an accomplished airline pilot. I doubt that him being jealous means anything at all. "Landon isn't threatened by my past with Ansel. He knows it's over."

"He seems really together." She reaches for her purse. "He's almost as together as you are."

I laugh out loud at the notion. "You're wrong. He's almost as together as you, Lilly."

"Right," she tries to sound sarcastic but it comes across as playful. "I'm so together I put the soap for the dishwasher in the microwave instead of the cupboard. It took me three days to find it."

"You were thinking about work." I point to my laptop. "Your mind is like one of those. You have so many different compartments working at the same time. It's expected that your wires would get crossed sometimes."

"I guess so." Her shoulder half-shrugs as she points at the card she brought me that's still sitting on my desk. "We're going to have a small ceremony for Haven's christening next month. You need to come since you're her Godmother."