Retribution (Secrets & Lies #3)(12)

“That's fine, 'Lissa,” Carson says. “What else are you thinking about with it?”

I shrug, focusing on my chopping. Part of having collards and bacon that helps me is that you have to focus to prepare the tough greens properly, or else you end up chewing a woody mess that tastes like grass clippings. The need to focus helps me put my anxiety out of my head, to deal with the fear that I can feel nibbling away at my good mood.

I listen as Nathan and Jackson keep shooting, hearing the difference between the two pistols, whatever they are. When Vadim Orloff attacked the house Katrina gave me a pistol, but I've never fired a gun before in my life and I think I'm pretty lucky I didn't shoot myself in the foot that night. But I can't tell who's shooting what.

Finally the shooting goes quiet, and a few minutes later Jackson returns, his pistol in a big holster strapped to his thigh. He comes to the back door, talking through the screen. “Hey guys, Nathan's going to be clearing his head a little bit more, I'm going to go clean this thing down. You all good in here?”

“I thought he was Southern,” Carson comments to Andrea, smirking. “What happened to the proper use of 'y'all'?”

“He likes to pretend he's educated,” Andrea jokes in reply, giving her brother a look. “Go on, we're good. 'Lissa here is making collards and bacon as part of dinner, so if you can think of anything you want to go with it, tell us when you get back.”

“Cool. You got everything on lock, I guess. See... y'all,” Jackson quips, and even I smile a little at his joke. It's rare that I can joke around, and it hurts not to be able to laugh like everyone else in my family.

After Jackson goes into the barn, I keep looking toward the back of the property, wondering what is taking Nathan so long, until I get so distracted my knife slips and I nick my left thumb. “Ow!”

“What happened?” Andrea asks, standing up from her chair.

I wave her down, sticking my thumb in my mouth and sucking on the cut. “I'm okay, I'm okay,” I mumble around my thumb, licking the cut and cursing myself mentally. “Just a small cut.”

“You sure?” Andrea says, and I nod. Seriously, it's deep, but not that big. If I'd been paying attention it wouldn't have happened at all.

“I'm gonna go see if Nathan's okay, finish this up later,” I reply, keeping my thumb in my mouth as I walk out.

“Be careful,” Carson calls, and I wave with my right hand as I close the screen door carefully, making sure to not let it clap shut. Walking past the barn, I can hear Jackson in there, but I don't say anything as I start on the path to the back of the property. It's not that far, only a couple of hundred feet, but as I walk the fear starts to creep deeper into my mind, and I can feel my anxiety coming back. I sigh, knowing that I need to just get hold of myself and deal with what's going on inside me.

I find Nathan in the field close to the shooting target area, kneeling down and picking something up out of the grass. He hears me approach and waves when I'm still about fifty feet away. “Hey, is everything okay?”

“Yes, I wanted to check on you,” I mumble around my thumb before realizing that I probably look like an idiot still, and pull my thumb out. “Are you okay?”

Nathan nods and goes back to picking things up out of the grass. “Just making sure I have all my brass policed up. What's wrong with your thumb?”

“Nicked it chopping up some collards,” I tell him, coming closer. “I just forgot I had it in my mouth and was sucking on it like the big baby I am. Sorry.”

Nathan gets up, dusting off his hands on his pants, and looks at me with an expression that for some reason I can't quite make out. I've seen it on his face before, but I just don't know what it is. “Show me.”

I show him my thumb, and he takes my hand in his, studying my cut carefully. “It’s pretty deep.”

“But small. I'll be fine. Glad I finished Ascension though, it's going to hurt for a few days. Trying to use my sculpture tools with a deep cut is always painful,” I tell him. I take a deep breath and look up into his jade eyes, feeling the fear back away a little bit in his presence. “Jackson said you were still clearing your head. Is everything okay?”

“Maybe,” he says, still holding my hand. “But the danger is even greater than what I thought. On the other hand, there might be a way we can keep everyone safe. But we’ll have to be brave”

“Oh?” I ask, trying to stop the momentary panic. Whenever someone in my family asks me to be brave, things get scary, and I don't do well with scary. But Nathan's promised to never let me be hurt, and I trust him. If I'm being honest with myself, I know I more than trust him, but I can't tell him that. “What do you mean?”

“First, the scary part, 'Lissa. Peter DeLaCoeur's put an open contract out on everyone in this family, including you and BA. And it is not just Isis Bardot who might be coming against us, but others, too. It’s too much for me to be able to effectively protect you here.”

I hear it in his voice, he's worried, but I also hear something in what he just said. He said 'you'. Did he mean the whole family, or me in particular? “So... what do you want to do?” I ask, taking a deep breath. “What can we do, Nathan?”