Renegade (The Elysium Chronicles #1)(91)

I gesture to the spot beside me. “Of course. I hear you saved my life.”

He sits and extends his fingers toward mine before curling them into a fist. “Yes. But you saved mine first,” he says softly, and then looks into my eyes.

“Really?” I smile. “I’m glad. I only remember bits and pieces, but what I do remember isn’t very nice.” The smile fades.

“What do you remember?” He watches me, his hand clenching and unclenching into the dirt.

I stare into space. “Running. Getting shot. Pointing a gun at you.” I look back at him. “Lots and lots of blood.”

“Do you remember anything else?”

I shrug. “I’ve tried. It only gives me headaches.”

“You don’t remember anything else … about me?”

I shake my head again. “I remember your name now, but no. I’m sorry.”

He nods, then stands and starts to walk away.

Panic fills me and I know if I don’t do something right then, I’ll never see him again. “Wait!” I jump up.

He stops and spins around, a hopeful look on his face. I slowly walk to him, not sure what I want to say, but I know I want to—have to—say something.

When I reach him, I still don’t know what to say, so I just reach out and take his hand, keeping my eyes on his. They widen and the hope grows brighter.

I lift his hand to my face and nuzzle into it. “I don’t remember you, yet. But I do know you’re important to me. I can’t stop thinking about you. And just the thought of you, or the sound of your name, or your voice, gives me flutters … here.” I lower his hand to my stomach.

He swallows, but doesn’t say anything.

It doesn’t matter though, because I have more to say. “And I don’t want that to stop. Ever.” I look back into his eyes. “I know this isn’t fair to you, but”—I take a deep breath—“but if you’ll wait for me, I know I’ll remember you. Soon.”

He smiles and caresses my cheek with his thumb. “I would wait forever for you.”

I smile and push up on my tiptoes to press a kiss to his lips. He tenses and I lower myself back to the flats of my feet, staring at the ground as a blush creeps into my face. I have no idea why I just did that.

“I-I’m sorry,” I say.

Without any warning, he snakes his arm around my waist and tugs me to him. Then his mouth crushes mine. Mindful of my shoulder, I carefully entwine my arms around his neck, dragging my hands through his hair.

We’re both gasping for air when we pull back from each other. He smiles and brushes the back of his fingers down my cheek.

We turn and stare out over the gorgeous blue water. It sparkles as the sun catches the ripples. And the sun! Even though it hurts, I don’t want to turn away. It’s turned the most beautiful reddish orange. The sky glows like coals, and the clouds around it are the same fiery orange.

“It’s so beautiful,” I say.

“Yes,” Gavin says, but when I glance over, he’s looking not at the sunset, but at me.

Pleasure flows through me and for the first time, in what feels like forever, I’m truly happy.





Acknowledgments



Writing is an epic journey. A journey filled with ups and downs, wrong ways, detours, and dead ends. Sinkholes and quicksand. One with oceans, whirlwinds, and rainbows. And, ultimately, one that cannot be done alone.

First I’d like to thank my wonderful agent, Natalie Fischer Lakosil, whose unwavering faith, perseverance, support, and patience was the lighthouse in the rainstorm I needed. Thank you for cutting back the vines of publishing, talking me off ledges, and generally just going above and beyond the call of duty time and time again. And, of course, thank you to Laura Bradford for her insightful advice and for making Renegade even better.

A huge thank-you to my awesome-sauce editor, Mel Frain, for being my navigator, despite her hatred of bananas. Thank you for guiding me with your fantastic ideas and fabulous eye for uncovering Renegade’s true potential. This story wouldn’t have been as great without you—high five. Thank you to the entire Tor Teen team. And of course, thank you to Renegade’s art director, Seth Lerner, and the fantastic cover artist, Eithne O’Hanlon, for giving me such a beautiful cover. It exceeded my expectations and I couldn’t be happier.

To Liz Czukas, my very first crit partner and “harshest” critic, thank you for being my sounding board, shoulder to cry on, brainstorming partner, and, above all else, my best friend. Without you, I’d have gone bald long ago and I’d probably be talking to myself while rocking in the corner. Thank you for making my manuscript bleed more times than I can count, for lending me your ear and brain for hours on end, and for sending me mountains of horribly fantastic ideas and one-liners, such as “Oh my jellyfish.” One day, I hope to do the same for you.

To Larissa Hardesty, thank you for being my friend and listening to all my griping and whining, for being my cheerleader when I needed one, and for tearing up my manuscript when it needed it. Your feedback and advice was priceless and I’ll never forget it!

To Leah Crichton, thank you for being my first fan. Your never-ending support helped keep me going more times than I can count.

Of course, none of this would be possible without the never-ending support of my family.