Relinquish(27)

“It’s not funny, Jayden,” I respond seriously, slapping her leg to get her attention. “I feel…” I stop short, closing my eyes.

The bed dips when Jayden sits up, and her hand rubs my back. “Don’t feel ashamed, Charlie,” she comforts, her tone soothing.

“But I do. I feel disgusting. I—” I pause. “I feel cheap, and I feel used.”

Jayden grabs my face harshly, making me look her in the eyes. “Charlie, we need money to survive. We have no food, and the landlord is itching to kick us out. We can’t get jobs. We are f*cked. We do what we need to so we can live. Don’t feel ashamed of yourself for living,” she justifies, her soft tone gone. “It gets easier, I promise.”

I pull my head from her grip, looking at the new sheets I bought from the extra money Chasen gave me. The feeling of being worthless is ruthless, a pain riddling in my gut that’s shameful. But all the things I have from it… clothes, a phone, food, even our rent is caught up.

“I can’t lie. Having the money after something that seems so insignificant such as sex—”

“It’s nice, right?” Jayden laughs. “I always find the hottest guys. It’s like a challenge, ya know?” I raise a brow at her goals in life. “They usually pay the most, surprisingly.”

“How long have you done this?” I ask, my eyebrows narrowed.

Jayden shrugs, picking the fray of her shorts. “Whenever I needed to,” she responds, like she’s talking about coloring her hair. I shake my head and look at the counter of food. It’s disappearing quickly.

“Did you see that woman they were pulling out of the trash?” I question, changing the subject.

Jayden closes her eyes and runs her hand through her crazy hair. “I did,” she replies grimly.

“She was a prostitute,” I point out.

“Gah, I hate that word,” Jayden growls, shaking her head.

I shrug. “It is what it is, Jayden; no need to sugarcoat it.” I look up at her, my jaw clenched. “I’m a whore. A prostitute. I sleep with men and get paid for it,” I whisper. Finally voicing the truth of what I am, what I’m destined for hurts, but not as bad as it should. I know I should try again at finding a job. But I know I won’t, I can’t. Jayden and I are on the run, and my resources are limited. Screwing men for money puts food on the table and keeps us off the radar.

“I prefer ‘escort’,” Jayden huffs, leaning back on my bed.

“Some woman told me if I was going to work the streets, I needed protection. She told me I should go to a motel and ask for a guy name Mick,” I inform her, fidgeting with the money on the bed. If Jayden is going to do this, I’d rather her not do it behind my back and get hurt in the process. I’d rather her be safe, that we were both safe. I’d never forgive myself if something happened to her. She’s the only family I have.

“You mean a pimp?” Jayden shifts so she can face me, her forehead wrinkled in questioning.

“I mean, I guess that’s what it is. I know I was almost raped by Chasen and his buddies last night. They were rough and angry with me. So having protection doesn’t sound like such a bad idea,” I whisper the last part.

“Fuck, Charlie, are you okay?” Jayden shoots up on the bed, her face wide with fear.

“Yeah, Landon saved me,” I mutter, a smile creeping on my face from the memory.

“Landon? Sounds like a rich guy’s name. Is that where that money came from?” She points at the stacks on the bed. “I knew Chasen had money, but this”—she jerks her chin at the pile—“would be more than Mommy and Daddy’s allowance, for sure.”

I nod, looking the money over.

“It was from Landon,” I confirm.

“Damn, what the hell you do to earn all that?” She chuckles.

I stand, flexing my sore body. “I gave him my virginity,” I respond seriously. I look over my shoulder, finding a wide-eyed Jayden, mouth parted.

“Holy shit,” she mumbles, looking back at the money. “I didn’t know you were a virgin. Are you going to see him again?”

I trail the pad of my forefinger over my bottom lip. Images of Landon in ecstasy come to mind, and my body aches for him once again.

“I doubt it,” I whisper.

“You—” Jayden pauses, pointing a finger at me. I snap from memory lane, my eyes wide as I stare at Jayden’s accusing finger.

“I know that look in your eye, and let me give you a very viable piece of information, if you are indeed going to sleep with men for money. This game, there’s no room for feelings or emotion. Get that through your head now,” she scolds, her tone serious.

I sigh and head toward the shower.

“I don’t think I’ll be seeing him again anyway, so it won’t be a problem.” I peer up from under my thick lashes, finding Jayden watching me intently. “The way our bodies connected, like we had known each other for so long… I can’t explain that feeling.”

“Charlie, don’t do this to your—”

“It doesn’t matter. He left me with a stack of cash, and some stupid f*cking note and without as much as a goodbye. He built a wall of ruthless reality that nobody could bring down,” I interrupt.

“And what reality is that?” Jayden tilts her head to the side.