Relinquish(25)

I turn my head, finding the red glow of the lights from the hotel. I yawn, my body aching and suddenly exhausted. That thought of wanting to feel or being wanted, even if it was just for a few minutes, clouded my better judgment. If I was smart, I wouldn’t have slept with Landon, but how could I resist the draw between us? How could I possibly turn down a man who looks at me like I’m Heaven?

I sigh. Landon is going to rip my heart out. But the worst part is, I gave him way more than that. I just gave him my mind, body, and soul. I gave it all to him.





EIGHT


CHARLIE


The overwhelming feeling of being warm wakes me. With my body sweaty and sticking to the sheets beneath me, I finally open my eyes.

“Fuck,” I whisper as the hotel room comes into focus. The night before rolls through my mind: Chasen and his friends and… Landon. I sigh at the thought of Landon then jerk my head up and look for him, but he’s not next to me. I sit up, noticing his clothes, on the floor the night before, are gone. Frowning, I climb off the bed. I scamper into the living area still naked, my feet padding against the floor echoing through the suite. Nothing. He’s not here. I nibble my bottom lip, unsure what to do, when my eyes catch a note on the kitchen island.

You need this more than I do.





-L





Looking down, I find two stacks of cash, making me gasp in shock. An uncontrollable shame bubbles through my limbs, my lungs refusing the entry of air to the point I collapse on the floor.

Money. After sex. I shake my head, and tears pour off my cheeks onto the handwritten note. I bite my bottom lip angrily, my teeth nearly piercing the skin. I knew sleeping with him would be a bad idea, but I was too high on lust to care. A small piece of me, a small juvenile piece of me, thought maybe I could be wrong, and I would wake up to him displaying a full menu of breakfast items this morning because he didn’t know what I would want to eat. I thought he realized how alone and misunderstood I felt, that he would be here this morning. I’ve never felt more alone than I do right now. The ache in my chest never burned with such emptiness before.

I run my hand under my nose, sniffling the uncontrollable snot back, and roll my eyes. A sudden laugh escapes my mouth. Those fairy tales might exist for some people, but not me. I’m meant to be alone.

“I was so stupid to think he would want anything to do with the likes of me,” I grit out loud. “Hell, he probably has a stuck-up wife back home, or at the very least dozens of girls throwing themselves at him.”

If the Lord ever tried to tell me anything before, it was never as clear as this. I get it; I’m a whore. Sex then money. I stand on wobbly legs, finding the money sitting perfectly.

“There must be a thousand dollars here,” I whisper, picking it up and thumbing the stacks. I don’t know whether to be pleased or disgusted by the amount. Hell, I basically just sold my virginity to him.

I laugh—an uncontrollable, belly-cramping laugh. I laugh at the fact that even though Landon slipped out, paying me for my pathetic way of life, I would do it all over again. The way my body, heart, and soul connected to him last night, the magnetism I had toward him, was so surreal. I shake my head. He’s right; I’ll never forget last night, never forget him.

“Asshole,” I exclaim, slapping the cash back on the counter. I’ve been looking out for myself since day one, and I’ve been fine.

Besides, I should be used to this feeling after the last twenty-four hours. I’ve grown accustomed to its ache deep in my chest. I slip my black dress on and notice small streaks of blood between my thighs. “Shit,” I whisper.

Screw it, I’ll get a shower at home. I don’t want to be in this f*cking place any longer than I need to be. I sit on the leather couch and put my heels on, eyeing the money on the counter. I’d be stupid not to take it. Jayden and I need it desperately. It’ll pay rent and put food on the table.

I shove the stacks of cash down the cups of my dress. Fuck it, I earned it. Hell, I even bled for it.

Guilt strikes my chest as the cool cash sweeps between my breasts. The demeanor of staying strong and keeping my chin up faltering by the second. I fear I’ll never find my place in the world. I’ll always be second class, and treated like dirt. I thought Landon and I had something, a connection of some sort. I’m afraid this is a wound that will turn into a dark scar, changing my view on my life.

I take the elevator to the main floor, and the lobby is huge. Brown and tan marbled floors make up the space, and a large glass dome ceiling looks over the entire lobby. I look down at myself and swallow nervously. I’m so out of place here.

Walking through the lobby, I hold my head down, my hair shielding my face. Glancing out of the corner of my eye, I can see the staff look at me with a wary eye. I find women grabbing their men a little tighter, as if they’re threatened by me. I hurry my pace, trying to get away from the cynical glares. As soon as I reach the outside, I tilt my head back and inhale deeply. My chest heaves, taking in large gulps of fresh air.

I pull my shit together and start my walk of shame back home. Finally, after walking for what seems like forever, graffiti greets me at the last block, telling me I’m almost home. Strangely, I take odd comfort in the spray-painted buildings after the experience I just had. I know I belong here. That place Landon took me to was anything but inviting.