Ravenwood(64)

Elinore lay down on the bed and covered her face with a pillow. What a horrible mistake. She curled onto her side and hugged her pillow close to her chest. After a while, she didn’t know how long, she heard a tremulous knock at her door and then Mrs. Davenport calling her name quietly, asking if she was ill or wanted anything to eat. Mrs. Thistlewaite had missed Elinore at breakfast and sent some toast and tea up. Elinore felt sick at the idea of having to face either of them - she did not want to face anyone. There were a few minutes of silence while Mrs. Davenport waited for a response and then she spoke quietly through the door saying that if Elinore did want something, she could come tell her or send one of the staff and it would be done. She would leave the toast just outside the door. Her kindness and soft tone made Elinore cry. Elinore wondered if Caleb had told Mrs. Davenport what she’d done and she clutched her pillow tighter and shut her eyes.

She dozed fitfully, not tired so much as feeling worn down and wrung out. Alice came by as well and also knocked softly on the door. Elinore couldn’t bear to turn her away silently. She managed to creek the door open slightly and tell Alice that she wasn’t feeling well and thought she should stay the rest of the day in bed. Alice took one look at Elinore’s face and nodded solemnly, reaching her hand through the crack in the doorway and squeezing Elinore’s own hand fiercely. Dear Alice had brought a tray with some water and some biscuits on it, baked special for her by Mrs. Thistlewaite. Elinore took it if only to see the relieved look on Alice’s face when she did. Truth be told, Elinore still couldn’t imagine eating with shame and embarrassment still taking up large portions of her stomach. Alice kept her voice soft and low and Elinore did the same - the two of them whispering quietly in the doorway.

But then Alice mentioned that Caleb had returned and she wasn’t sure that Elinore knew and wasn’t that good news? Elinore managed to smile and said she thought it was very fine news and that he must be quite happy to be home. Alice was pleased as punch, noting Caleb had brought her some very lovely paper for sketching and she couldn’t wait to try it out. Elinore had to lie and tell Alice she thought her headache was getting worse and she really ought to lie down. Alice nodded gravely, her sweet face so serious and solemn as she hoped Elinore felt better soon.

Elinore felt like a liar now on top of feeling like a foolish, silly girl.

It was late afternoon when the third knock came at the door and Elinore knew who it was before the knock came. She heard him come down the hall - the sound of his steps familiar to her. She imagined she could even hear the familiar cadence of his heart and his breathing. His knocks were quiet, but not timid.

“Elinore.”

Caleb’s soft tenor voice came clearly through the closed door and she pushed her face into her pillow. She knew she had to apologize, but she just couldn’t. Not yet. She would. She had to. But she needed longer to wallow and steel her spine.

“Elinore, please open the door.”

He didn’t sound angry or even like he was indulging her in her foolishness. She thought those would be the worst tones she could hear from him. That if he were angry at her or even worse, if he just dismissed her as being young and foolish… both those things, she thought, would have made her feel worse.

“Please, Elinore.”

The soft, even timbre of his voice and the quiet pleading in his tone was so much more awful. It made her want to crumple in on herself and disappear. Her shoulders hunched up close to her ears and she held her breath, willing herself to be as quiet as possible.

A sound against the door made her wonder if he hit the wood by accident or if he rested his forehead against the solid barrier. She heard a long sigh, as though he too were upset and dismayed. Still, she could not get up, or rather, she would not. She supposed, darkly musing, that if the entire manor were on fire, she would rouse herself from bed and make an escape, but short of that dire happening, she intended to stay where she was until she was ready to speak to Caleb. She was simply not ready yet.

How maddening! She waited for him to return and now, there he was, a few feet from her and it felt nearly impossible for her to see him, or speak with him - all because of a stupid impulse she hadn’t been able to control.

“Mrs. Thistlewaite is making a light soup for you, for dinner, if you feel like coming down. I’ll…” he sighed again and she wondered what he was going to say. He left without completing his sentence and she listened carefully as his footfalls moved away from her room, down the hall and then the stairs, until she couldn’t hear him any longer.

Elinore felt better that he wasn’t angry with her. She took several calming breaths after he left and tried to read for a while.

Dusk finally crawled across the landscape and she stood at the window staring out on the estate. Her eyesight seemed uncommonly good and she could see all the way to the trees. It made her think of her dreams, of the white wolf, of howls breaking the silence of the night. Of the feral wolf and its sharp teeth. The waxing moon was low in the sky, pale and almost translucent. It wouldn’t give off much light tonight, but soon it would be full - its large white belly casting silver over the earth. Her heart lurched thinking of how it would look, high and bright in the sky. Her stomach growled ferociously, pulling her from her thoughts. She was dreadfully hungry, but wasn’t sure she was ready to leave the quiet sanctuary of her room, her den, and venture out into the household. She’d eaten the biscuits Alice had brought, but they’d barely taken the edge off her hunger and she felt hollow and acidic inside. Elinore changed into her nightgown and lay back down on her bed, getting under the covers. She wouldn’t die of missing a few meals. Although, she could hardly remember being so hungry in her life. Mrs. Davenport knocked on her door again, indicating she was leaving some tea at the door for Elinore, urging her to have some to help her sleep. Elinore was too afraid to open the door, imagining that all of Ravenwood would wait outside to look upon her with sad, pitying eyes.