Ravenwood(63)

Chapter Thirteen





With Hayter’s presence continually looming over her and with all of Ravenwood tense and unhappy, Elinore started a morning routine. When she woke, she stayed in bed for a moment and reminded herself that her silence was as powerful as noise, that good posture and a stiff spine could convey her meaning as easily as sharp words, and that she must remain calm and unshakeable in the face of Hayter’s insinuations and leering glances.

She would then take care with her hair and her clothes. Only when she felt she was perfectly presentable, would she make her way downstairs, carefully, with measured steps. She knew the names of all the staff now and would take a moment to say hello or good morning to any of them she saw, feeling pleased when they appeared just as happy to speak to her as she to them. Once outside the dining room she would pause, set her shoulders back, adopt her most bland smile and prepare for her day.

Elinore sagged in relief when she found the dining room barren of Hayter’s presence. She raised her head and sniffed the air, sighing in happiness when she caught the scent of the spicy tea that Caleb normally drank. There was no coffee carafe placed on the serving table and Elinore could only assume that Hayter had slept in or perhaps, from Elinore’s lips to God’s ears, he would absent today. She poured herself a cup of tea, thinking to head directly to the kitchen and take her breakfast with Mrs. Thistlewaite. She had just stepped toward the kitchen door when a sound from behind her made her pause. She stilled, turning slowly, hoping it would be someone, anyone but Hayter.

It was Caleb.

He looked tired, as though his week had been long and troublesome. His hair was disarrayed - more so than she’d ever seen it. He was dressed well, as always, but there were long shadows under his eyes, his eyes somewhat tired. He smiled when he saw her, those very same tired eyes crinkling slightly at the corner and before she even realized what she was doing, she’d dropped her teacup, dashed across the dining room and launched herself at him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and held him fiercely, as though he might disappear at any moment or was some strange mirage or figment of her imagination. He was warm and solid against her body and beneath her hands, and she gave into the sudden urge to bury her nose into the hollow of his throat and inhale deeply, taking in his familiar scent and letting it wash over her. He was back and she needn’t feel the weight of all the eyes of Ravenwood on her alone.

“I’m so glad you’ve returned,” she said happily, pulling away for a moment to catch his eye. He seemed pleased to see her as well, if not wholly surprised by her enthusiastic response. Caleb smiled, his teeth white and straight against the dark shadow of his stubble.

Without thinking, she lurched forward and clumsily pressed her lips against his, her hands wrapping around the meat of his shoulders and gripping him tightly. In a flash, she realized what she was doing and was horrified. They were not on such terms. Worse, he wasn’t kissing her back. She did not know much about men and relationships, but she could feel the way he’d gone still under her hands and her lips. She jerked backwards and felt her cheeks flush hot with shame and mortification.

“Oh. Oh, I’m sorry,” Elinore said, pressing her fingers to her mouth. Caleb stood before her looking flummoxed and bewildered. She felt her stomach turn nauseatingly and she took a step back. “How rash of me. You must be… I’m so… “ Mortified. Humiliated. Embarrassed. He was standing in front of the door and all she could do was think of escape. With a speed she didn’t know she possessed, she darted past him, down the long halls and corridors and raced up the stairs, locking herself back in her bedroom and securing the door with the chair.

What on earth had possessed her to attack him like that? He seemed genuinely happy to see her and then she had pounced on him. Now that she was in her room and could review the entire thing in her mind, in painstaking detail, she remembered how his body had locked up when she hugged him. He had slightly relaxed into her embrace, but perhaps he’d been trying to be polite and friendly in the face of her inappropriate greeting. And then! Then she had pressed her lips against his and his had been warm and soft, but… still and unmoving. Her stomach turned over again and she felt tears prick her eyes. She’d been waiting so long for him to come back to Ravenwood and be a comfort to her in the face of Hayter’s inappropriate behavior and now she’d gone and done something completely inappropriate herself. Oh God. She’d have to apologize. She would have to. Elinore twisted and wrung her hands. But she couldn’t do it right now. She couldn’t. She sat down on her bed, feeling her throat grow tight with shame and embarrassment. How completely foolish of her. She’d been like a happy dog seeing its master return home from a long day away - blissfully joyful and gleeful and expressing a most out of proportion response to the event. She covered her face with her hands, feeling the heat of her cheeks and the wetness of her tears against her fingertips. God, she wished desperately for Charlotte in that moment. Yes, Alice and Elinore were friends, but Alice was younger than Elinore and not of an age where they should discuss such things. Also, Charlotte had known Elinore since she was a child. Charlotte had gotten sick with her when they both ate too many sweets at the neighborhood parties; Charlotte knew all her horrible secrets and dreadful behavior and would know exactly what to say in this moment. Or perhaps she wouldn’t say anything at all, but would take Elinore’s hair down from its style and brush it out with long, smooth strokes that would make Elinore drowsy and languid.