Ramsey Security (Ramsey Security #1-3)(19)

Waking up, I can't reach the shower fast enough. My sweaty skin crawls with the memories of the too vivid dream. I scrub away the feel of Troy from my body, leaving my skin red and tender. Rather than feel better, I sit in the shower and sob.

I felt warm and safe in the dream with Troy, so why did I scrub away his touch? Now I'm numb and empty again. How is this better than being scared and overwhelmed?

Having heard the shower, Minka checks on me. I tell her I'm fine. Even a stupid person could tell I was lying, and Minka isn't stupid. She asks if I want to call my sister. I sob no. She asks if I want my pills. Again, I decline. I want something I can't have, but Minka won't understand.

I'm in the shower for an hour or more. Skin puckered, I stumble out eventually and find a pair of sweats to keep me warm in the cold apartment. The bed reminds me of my dream, so I crawl into the corner chair and try to think of a time before Locke and Troy.

Nothing calms me. I'm not the girl from my faded memories. The very fact that they're faded reminds me of why so much of my past is lost. Locke ruined my mind with his electric shock and drugs. Maybe those memories will return. More likely, they're gone forever.

The past leaves me heartbroken. The present makes me miserable. The future feels impossible. The only option is to take a tranquilizer until I'm so lost in the darkness that nothing else matters.

"Miss me?" Troy says, entering the room like a beacon of light in the anesthetized darkness of my mind.

Without thinking, I jump out of the chair and plaster myself against him. Troy wraps his arms quickly around me and caresses my hair.

"I'll take that as a yes," he whispers.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

Unable to tell Troy that I regret washing away the feel of him, I mumble, "I can't explain."

"I don't really need you to."

Resting my head against his chest, I listen to his heart beating fast. My panic eases away, but I know this feeling won't last.

The clawing sensation is already rising inside me. Locke made me hate being touched. The madman's soft touch deceived the suffering I knew was around the corner. Nothing was safe. Not when I slept, not when I ate, not even when I did everything right. At any moment, his mood might shift, and I was at his mercy.

Locke isn't the man holding me, but my body only remembers the lies. I crave distance from Troy. At first, his touch feels electric and is surprisingly gentle for a man his size. The comfort only lasts maybe a minute before I'm overcome with the terror Locke infected me with. Despite the distance my mind and body crave, I plan to hold onto Troy as tightly as I can.





15


~~~

Troy

Never Explain Your Heart

I'm a man lost in heat. There's no other way to explain how Darla's on my mind the moment I doze off and still there when I wake up hours later. Sleeping and eating feel burdensome. I only want to return to the apartment and see Darla smile again.

In the elevator on my way upstairs, I get a text from Rafael. "Are you compromised?"

"Explain?" I type back.

"Are you emotionally compromised with the client?"

"Fuck off," I text back.

Rafael gives me a "LOL" and drops the subject. When Minka opens the door to the apartment, I show her my phone.

"Have you been gossiping?"

"No. I said nothing to no one. I'm loyal. I promise. Don't be mad."

Rolling my eyes at her feigned fear, I shove my phone back into my pocket.

"Saskia then."

"More likely Manny. Those married men are always digging around in other people's business."

"Fine. My fist will take it up with his face."

"I heard he's a biter, so be aware you might not get all your fingers back."

Smirking, I follow her into the security room.

"We might have a lurker," Minka says, typing on the laptop. "I noticed him when he was tying his shoes in front of the building. When I ran a scan with his features, I found four similar men have passed the building in the last 24 hours. He's staking out the place. I don't know if he's after Darla, but I called Rafael. He'll put a tail on the guy next time he comes around."

I stare at the bearded man's face frozen on the screen. He might be a simple criminal, looking to a score at any of the upscale apartments in the building. He could be an ex-boyfriend stalking a tenant. He could be many things, but I feel in my bones that he's hunting Darla.

"She's supposed to go to therapy today," Minka continues, "but I don't know if she'll leave her room at this rate."

"What's the problem?"

"She was grumpy last night. Tense about every noise. She woke up after I checked on her at six. She was in the shower for a long time. She's out now but even edgier than last night. If I had to guess, you've been a bad influence on her."

Patting her head, I smile. "You're so cute when you're insecure."

Minka glares at me, but I know she's tired and ready to head home for a nap.

"Go," I tell her.

"What if she freaks when she sees you? I should stick around just in case."

"Do what you need to do, Minka, but I have this handled."