Ramsey Security (Ramsey Security #1-3)(17)
Feeling frisky, Darla throws another one at me. This shot goes wide, but I reach out and catch it. Smirking, I toss this one in the trash too.
I open my mouth to tease her for teasing me. Darla surprises me by throwing a handful of licorice. I grab a few but most hit me in the face and chest.
Darla does something I never hoped to see on our excursion today. Her smile widens before she lets out a raspy laugh. The sound stirs something hot and needy inside me. Something I've never felt with any other woman, not even Minka at her very best. This new feeling becomes immediately addictive, and I crave to hear her laugh again. In fact, I want much more.
"Stop distracting me," I murmur, settling onto the weight machine.
"Then I want the TV."
For the next twenty minutes, I work with the weights while Darla watches TV. I catch her peeking at me. She peeks a lot actually until she finally just focuses on me.
"Will you really get me a gun?"
"Sure," I say, lifting the weights. "I'll train you too."
"I used a rifle as a kid. I was pretty bad at it."
"Didn't have me as your instructor."
"We'll see."
"Are you sure you don't want to exercise?"
Darla frowns. "If God wanted me to work out, He'd have given me smaller boobs."
Her words sound casual as if she's said them plenty of times over her life. Yet Darla stiffens at the mention of her boobs. I give her a grin, which forces her to look away. She's feeling awkward now and focuses on the TV. Darla doesn't speak while I keep working out. The silence follows us out of the gym and into the elevator.
I don't know what comes over me. Or maybe I do, but I don't want to believe I'm driven simply by lust. I only know I block Darla as soon as we're in the apartment.
Staring up at me, she isn't afraid. Not yet anyway.
"I'm a good guy," I whisper, staring at her lips. "But you're making me feel like a selfish motherf*cker."
Darla's expression shifts immediately, and I nearly expect her to scream.
"I'm not making you do anything," she growls instead.
Stepping back, I frown at her frowning at me. We stare at each other for a moment before I laugh.
"I'm a good influence on you," I say, shaking off all of my need. "Look at how you put me in my place. Yep, I have a way of bringing out the best in people."
Darla doesn't move from the door while I walk into the kitchen. I feel her watching me before I hear her slinking from the front hall to the hallway near her bedroom. I expect her to flee, but she only watches me and waits for my next move.
I hate to disappoint her, but even I don't know what the hell I'm doing anymore.
13
~~~
Darla
Breaking through the Darkness
Troy fascinates me. I want to know everything about him, yet I don't really want to share everything with him. Why can't I be a new person with no past? This question provides a glimpse into my messed up head.
For all those months with Locke, I struggled to remain Darla. Slowly, I lost the battle. The electric shock punishments made remembering hard enough physically. Mentally, I began to give up. Forgot Shelley and my grandparents. Forgot my personal tastes. Darla Birmingham was erased until I actually believed I was a dead woman named Rose.
Locke made me stand nude in front of the mirror for hours. If I looked away, I suffered punishment. I stared until I saw only what he wanted me to see. Yet now I have a chance to be Darla again and regain all I lost. What do I want instead?
To erase Darla again, so I'll be worthy of a man I've known for two days. I don't need therapy to understand how f*cked up I am.
Troy won't change for me. Of course, I see nothing in him that I want to change. Every single blond hair looks perfect. His smile is infectious, making me smile more than I've been able to with my sister and her kids. I loved my family enough to run that day in the store. They brought me back, yet Troy is the one drawing me out of the darkness.
"Minka is right," Shelley says after Troy's gone, and I can only count the hours until he returns. "You should spice up your wardrobe."
"Okay."
"We can check online."
I nod at my sister who remains upbeat despite my silence. Her unending peppiness makes me think of Troy's story about his sister-in-law always smiling. I wish I could smile no matter what. I bet my life would be happier if I could pretend so well.
"What's wrong?" Shelley asks, reaching for my hand.
Instinctually pulling it away, I stand too quickly and knock over my chair. Minka sweeps in, lifts the chair back into place, and keeps on walking out of the room. My skittishness doesn't bother her in the least. Shelley though seems worried. Maybe even afraid.
"What do you need?" she asks.
"I don't know."
"Are you panicking? Should I get your meds?"
Shaking my head, I pull my sleeves lower and hide my hands. "I don't know what I am. Sometimes, I want to hide in the darkness forever, so I don't need to think about what happened. My skin feels weird. Everything feels too loud. I'm off with everything."
Even knowing I don't make any sense, I wait for her to say something to calm me.
"Do you not like it here? Vern can find another place."