Raging Heart On (Lucas Brothers #2)(51)

Kill me now.





CHAPTER 36


WHITE




“Are you still pouting?" Kayla asks me again.

I might be pouting a little. Cyan, Blue, Green, and Gray have all been calling me “little brother” all day thanks to her—and they're not talking about age. The fact that Blue, Green, and Gray weren't here last night means that Cyan has broadcast that shit far and wide. They've been calling me so much to see how their little bro is doing that I've turned my phone off. Sometimes coming from a large family sucks.

"I'm not pouting," I tell her. Admit nothing. Deny everything. It's a good motto to have.

"You could have fooled me. Okay, if you're going to be Mr. Grumpy Gus, I'll leave you to it. I'm going to ride with Cyan out to the north pasture to see the new baby calves."

"It's okay. I'll take you. I was just thinking I needed out of the house for a little while," I tell her. Hell if I'm going to let her be gone all day with Cyan. I'm not sure he thinks of Kayla romantically, but it's better to be safe than sorry. Besides, Kayla is way too innocent for his kind of crazy f*ckery.

"You sure?"

"Positive. Let's go. We can take the side-by-side."

"Sounds good," she answers as I fall into step beside her. I reach out and hold her hand. After a second, she relaxes and her fingers entwine with mine. We walk towards the side shed that is attached to the barn. The key to the vehicle is on the wall there. Kayla gets inside as I check the gas and start it up. I lean over to fix Kayla's seatbelt. There's no way she's riding without it. Before I can move away, I feel her fingers on the side of my face, gently brushing through the stubble that's grown there.

"You need a shave," she whispers.

"What, you don't like the ruggedly handsome look?" I ask her, trying to lighten up the mood, because there's this thick undercurrent of emotion between us that could choke me.

"I like," she says, and her lips brush against mine. It's different from our other kisses. This one seems more emotional. It's soft. It's slow. Our lips don't demand; they caress, they taste, and the kiss feels natural and honest.

"What was that for?" I can't help but ask when we break apart.

"I missed you. You were gone when I woke up this morning."

"Turns out sleeping on the floor is rough on an old football player," I joke, starting the vehicle up and heading us out toward the northern end of the ranch.

"Your shoulder was hurting?" she asks, and the question hits me with brute force. I've been running. I'm tired of it.

"It's always hurting, honey. It rarely lets up, especially if I use it much."

"You didn't tell me."

"I didn't want you to worry. I go back to the doctor next week. Hopefully they can figure out what's going on and fix it. They're doing that new cryo-therapy too. I'll get it figured out."

"I'll come with you."

"You don't have to, Kay. I can handle this."

"I know I don't have to. I want to. Unless you don't want me there for some reason?"

"Of course I want you there. I wanted you last time, remember?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry I didn't take off work. I was afraid to because I had just started."

"You didn't want to lose your job, honey. I understood," I tell her, and I'm not lying. I did understand, but it did bother me that she didn't put me first. If the roles were reversed, I would have.

"A lot of good that did me. I really am sorry, White. If I had it to do over, I would."

"I know."

"What about… Rachel?"

I rub the tension in the back of my neck. I knew this conversation had to happen. I've been putting it off. It seems I can't do that any longer.

"Kayla, there's nothing between me and Rachel."

"I get it. I mean I've never been the type to indulge in casual sex, but I mean, it's not like we have a normal relationship and, well, if you—"

I stop the UTV while she's talking and before she can finish, I force her to look at me. I press my thumb up against her lips to stop her because if she finishes that sentence, the only thing she will accomplish is pissing me off.

"If you're going to give me the all-clear to sleep with your sister, you might want to shut your f*cking mouth now, Kayla," I growl.

"What? No! God, that'd be gross."

"Then what the hell are you saying?"

"Just that if you find what we're doing here isn't something you want to pursue—"

"Kayla," I warn her.

"I'm serious, White. You didn't want a kid and I'm not sure why you agreed to all of this, but—"

"Shut. The. Fuck. Up."

Her eyes go large, but she doesn't say anything further, which is good—damn good.

"I never slept with Rachel. I saw the doctor and the news wasn't great. I was depressed and needed someplace to sink my sorrows in a bottle. I was drunk off my ass and she was at the bar. It was just one of those weird things that happened."

"Like fate."

"Fuck no. More like a reason to not drink and be an *. Shit, honey, I'm not even sure how I ended up crashing at her place. The night is a blur, but I can tell you that we absolutely did not sleep together."