Raging Heart On (Lucas Brothers #2)(153)

“She’s special, boy. Do you see her? Really see her? She’s the reason you need to get your head out of your ass.”

I can’t drag my eyes from the photo. I don’t even try.

“I can’t magically just get out of here, Marcum. God, don’t you know if I could I’d be right by Tess’s side? Fuck!” I can’t hold it in anymore. Emotions are so thick, so raw and real that I can’t hold them inside any longer. The picture shakes in my hand. My baby. My daughter! Does she wonder why her dad isn’t there? Does she even know that she’s supposed to have a father there? Protecting her? Holding her? Talking to her? Rocking her to sleep? My daughter! Tears gather in my eyes. I can’t help it. I want to be with her. I want to be with her and Tess. The fact that I’m not, that I can’t be, is destroying me.

“I didn’t say you can. But, you can damned well get your act together and start helping me, to get you the f*ck out of here.”

“I’m locked up behind bars, Marcum. What the hell do you think I can do from in here? That f*cking Jenna has it so everything that happens to me is monitored. Your bigwig connections are worthless. They’re all f*cking afraid to touch my case, so they don’t get accused of being in bed with crooks on the five o’clock news!”

“I’m handling that. I didn’t say it would happen overnight, but, son, it will happen. In the meantime, you need to quit pushing Tess away, before you lose every shot of having your family together when you walk out of here. You have the world right there. You don’t just f*cking hand that away to another man. Especially some uptight cop. If that f*cker raises my granddaughter I’ll personally cut your dick off, boy. Do you hear me?”

“What do you want me to do?” I ask him, drying my eyes with the side of my hand and trying to get a hold of myself.

He pushes a notepad that’s been on the table and a pen at me.

“Write to Tess. Give her a reason to hold on.”

I look at the paper like it’s a gun pointed at me. What the hell do I tell her? What in the hell can I say? Will it make a difference to her now, after the way we parted months ago? I pick up the pen, ignoring the way my hand shakes.

Hell.





45


Tess


Madison’s First Birthday Party



I watch as my daughter screams in pleasure each time Dusty throws her up in the air. She’s such a happy child. I’m thankful for that. She’s kept me going this last year. It’s been hard. I’ve lost count of the nights my pillow has held me and taken my tears while I’d read the latest letter from Max. That’s the only contact I’ve had with him for a year. Just letters. He’d send one with Marcum, and I’d send one back once a month with pictures of Maddy. I wanted to go and see him, but he asked me not to. He told me how much it hurt to see me and not be able to hold me. It hurt, but so much about Max hurts me. He apologized for the day in prison when he pushed me away. I understood, but I’d be lying if I said it still wasn’t painful. I don’t know how I’m going to react to seeing Max again. I’m excited, nervous, and petrified. I’m scared as hell.

I need to figure it out soon because Marcum called twenty minutes ago to let us know he has Max, and they’re headed here. That means any minute now Max will be showing up at the party. I will lay eyes on the man that I loved…still love…after all this time. I don’t know what to do with that. I’m not sure I even believe it. We have so much to discuss. We have so much to decide. And Max…he’s missed so much. Things he’ll never get back. How will he handle that? The party is suddenly suffocating me. Panic is overwhelming me.

“You okay, sweetheart?” Cherry asks her hand on my shoulder. I hadn’t even realized she was in front of me.

“I…I’m scared, Cherry,” I admit. Cherry understands, she’s been the only person I’ve been able to let in. She listens and lets me cry. I can be weak with her.

“Do you want us all to leave?” She asks, but the thought of facing Max on my own is worse. How did we get here? How did I get afraid to see the father of my child?

“No…I just need a minute to regroup. I’m going to take Maddy down to the water for a few minutes.”

“Okay, honey, I’ll make sure the boys are occupied and have plenty of food. The others have the babies.”

“Thanks.”

I go to get Madison from Dusty, which isn’t easy. The big guy is almost as attached to her as Marcum is. Luckily Maddy is so easy going. She climbs into my arms without a second thought.

“Mom-mom,” she says her little hands grasping out towards me. I take her in my arms, her sweet smell surrounding me, and her warmth reaching through my nerves and instantly I feel better. Maddy has that much power.

“Let’s go and find shells, sweet baby,” I tell her, knowing it is her favorite pastime. She squeals in delight just as I knew she would.

I lead her down the beach to the edge of the ocean and look out over the water, trying to get a rein on my thoughts and prepare myself for Max.

“Mom-mom!” Maddy yells, demanding attention. She’s squirming and pushing against my chest, doing her best to get down. She’s not been walking long, her feet are still unsteady, but I always let her go when we’re on the beach as long as I keep me between her and the water. It’s her favorite thing, she laughs when she falls, and the sound of my daughter’s laugh is, to me, the most beautiful sound in the world. I let her slide to the ground and lead her back to the beach away from the water. We sit down, and luckily it has been cloudy, so the sand isn’t too hot. I sit down, pulling Maddy between my legs and reach around helping her to shovel through the sand with our hands. Maddy laughs as the sand covers her feet, and I smile, despite my worries.