RISK(60)

I christened the place later that night with a woman I can't remember. I nailed her on the foyer floor. Our clothes were a twisted mess as we went at each other while we were both still riding the high of the tray of tequila shots we'd shared.

The day after my birthday I ordered furniture and equipped the apartment with all the essentials. The piano arrived a month later. It belonged to my grandmother when she was alive. She wanted me to learn to play. I never have.

"You can sell it." Crew walks to the windows and stares out at the view. "You'd make some nice coin on this, pal. We can use my new listing agent. She's got her finger on the pulse of the market. She'll get you top dollar and have it sold in a week."

"I'm not selling." I run my fingers along the keys of the piano. The sound is rough and out of tune. "I want this place to stay in the family."

"You think May is going to want to live here when she's a grown-up?"

"It's an option." I push back the mental image of my daughter as an adult. I can't think about it. The concept is so far-fetched that it's out of my reach. "If she doesn't want it, maybe one day her kids will."

"Emmanuel would be fine with you selling it." He looks up at the high ceilings. "You made memories here. Life moves on, Nolan. He'd get that."

He might. I don't know that for sure.

When he handed me the keys, he told me to make the most of it. He brought me the framed pictures of our sailboat. It was the boat he'd purchased for the two of us when I was May's age. I learned how to rig the sails by watching him and when I could finally do it myself, he called me a true sailor and gave me the name Rigs. I loved the name almost as much as I loved the man.

We hung those pictures in the hall together. His eyes watered when I told him I'd never move them from that spot and I haven't. I can't. His hands touched the frames as I stood back eyeing them so he could level them.

"The apartment stays as is," I say with a dismissive wave. "I need to grab some things from the office. Once I do that, we can get those beers you promised me."

"You've got a deal. If you need help, let me know."

I turn to leave the room, my eyes catching on the couch and something shiny wedged between two of the cushions. I walk over and tug it free. It's a pendant attached to a thin gold chain. It's Ellie's. She was wearing this the first night we came here.

Earlier today when she was in my office she had a string of fake pearls around her neck. She'd fingered them as we talked about last night. I wanted to invite her out for a late dinner, but her body language said it all. She needs time to digest the fact that I've made the conscious choice to never have another child. It may be a deal breaker for her. If it is, I have to accept it. I chase the thought away with a shake of my head.

"Who does that belong to?" Crew eyes the necklace.

"Ellie," I say under my breath as I hold his gaze. "I've brought her here a few times."

"You're inching closer to taking her home to May. You still think that's a good idea?"

I pinch the bridge of my nose. I don't know what to think anymore. Ellie is young and ambitious. She wants to be a police officer, and eventually a mom. Her life plan is carved out in her mind and I doubt like hell it includes a man with a kid who refuses to have another.

The chime of my phone saves me from trying to piece together an answer to Crew's question. I read the text message that pops up on the screen.

"I need to bail on those beers, Crew."

"Mayday?" he asks as he stalks the room toward the apartment door. "Let's go. I'll get an Uber."

"May's fine," I say as I tuck the necklace in the front pocket of my jeans. "I'm meeting Ellie."

"You're ditching me for her?" He blinks, a smile ghosting his mouth.

I look down at the screen of my phone and the next message that pops up. "I'm meeting her for half a burger in thirty minutes."

"You want me to grab the stuff you need from the office here and drop it by your place later?"

"It's just some pictures of me and my grandfather. I want to show May what I looked like at her age."

"She's going to love those." He opens the door to the apartment. "I'll head home."

I move past him and wait until the door shuts behind us both. "Are you good with sitting in on that marketing meeting in the morning? Miller needs to step it up. I want eyes on him as he presents his new ideas to the team."

"I'll be there." He walks ahead of me, pushing the call button as we reach the elevator. "I need to say one thing, pal. This is it, and I'll shut the f*ck up about it forever."

I shrug. "Go ahead. Say it."

"Don't lose sight of the big picture. May is your priority. She just lost old Barney. Don't set her up for another loss."

"That little girl is my world." I step aside when the doors to the elevator open and a woman steps out. "I'd step in front of a train for her. You know that."

"I do." He motions for me to get on the lift first. "You may not see it right now but you'd step in front of a train for Ellie too. Think about whether she'd be willing to do the same for you."