RISK(44)

Our visits with him were limited to every Wednesday night and alternating weekends, but I made the most of the time. When Tad dumped me, I lost Jayce too. I never saw him again even though I held tightly to the faint hope that Tad would let me say goodbye to him. That never happened.

"I know they are." I cover my mouth with my hand. I don't want to say Jayce's name because it hurts so much when I think of him. Adley knows that. She's shied away from talking about him since Tad left me.

"Your nieces are a blast. You love them like mad."

I do love them. All three of them are unique, even though the two eldest are identical twins. I can tell them apart because I've known them since the moment they were born seven years ago. Megan has a freckle on the tip of her nose that her twin sister, Melrose, doesn't have.

"I haven't seen them since I've been back," I admit. "I miss them."

"Queens is a subway ride away." She rests her spoon on the table. "We can go see them this weekend. I'd love to see them again."

The slight change in subject is helping, but not enough to make me forget that the man I had sex with last night has a child. "Why do you think he didn't tell me about her?"

She places the lid back on the ice cream container. "Can I get real, Bean?"

"I guess?" I shrug my shoulders. "Have you not been real up to this point?"

Her eyes drop to the table before she looks at me straight-on. "I don't think he tells most of the women he's f*cking about his daughter. If I had a kid, I don't know if I'd tell a random guy I hooked up with that I was a mom. Actually, I know that I wouldn't. It's private. It just seems to me that it's one of those things you tell a person you know has potential."

Her words mirror the thoughts that have been playing on a loop in my mind all afternoon. I've tried to reverse the roles and placed myself in Nolan's shoes. I doubt like hell I'd tell a man if I had a child unless I knew it was something he needed to know because our relationship warranted it. I know, without a doubt, that I wouldn't let him meet my child until I knew there was a foundation with some strength between us.

With Tad it was different. We'd known each other for months before we ever hooked up. I knew about Jayce long before I fell in love with Tad. I sometimes wonder if my love for Jayce skewed my feelings for Tad.

"What about her mom?" Adley goes on when I don't respond. "Has he said anything at all about who that might be? He has to have a relationship with her, even if it's just a cordial passing off of their daughter during parental visits."

"No, not a word." I open the ice cream container back up and dip in my spoon. I didn't take Adley up on her offer to indulge when she pulled it out of the freezer. Now, with the added stress of thinking about the mother of Nolan's child, I can't resist the temptation. "He's never mentioned a woman to me other than Shelby."

"The thief he was having dinner with at Meadow?"

"That's her." I let the ice cream melt on my tongue before I swallow. "I don't know who he had a child with."

"You'll find out soon enough." She raises her spoon in the air as if to toast. "Here's to Nolan's baby mama. Let's hope she's everything he never wants again."

I laugh to bite back the anxiety I feel. My parents thought they hated each other for years and yet, my dad died still as in love with my mom as the day I was conceived.

***

"You're sure it's not too late, Ellie?" Nolan takes a deep breath.

I stand at the doorway to my apartment, dressed in only a pair of shorts and my NYPD T-shirt. The shirt was a gift from Adley when I graduated from college. She knows I hope to replace it with a full uniform one day.

"I told you it wasn't." I did say that when he called fifteen minutes ago. That was close to midnight. I'd brushed my teeth and gone to bed when my phone started to ring. I answered immediately and was relieved when he said that everything was okay. I agreed to let him come over because I know that all the questions I have for him will keep me wide awake.

"Where's your roommate?" His eyes scan the interior of the apartment. "Her name is Adley, right?"

"Yes." I step aside so he can enter. "She works at a vet clinic. She was called in for an emergency."

"She's a vet?" The cock of his brow doesn't hide his surprise.

Adley is too often mistaken for a typical blond with big tits. She owns that but only because she's confident in her intelligence. She knows she brings a lot to the table and to any person who spends the time to get to know her. "She will be. She's an assistant right now."

He nods. He skims his hands over the jeans he's wearing. "Can we sit down and talk?"

I like to pace when life throws me a curveball. More often than not, I walk. I can put miles on my running shoes in a day if I feel stress. I already did that tonight after I ate too much ice cream.

I took on the paths of Central Park when the sun was setting. It was filled with people, but with my earbuds in and my favorite songs on repeat, I was able to find my center again. It feels out of reach again now that Nolan has walked through my door.

"Do you want anything?" I stand when he takes a seat on the fabric couch that came with the place. "I only have water or juice. I can make coffee if you want."