Queen Alpha (NYC Mecca #2)(57)

Oh. Oh crap! That’s what I was noticing between us, Blaine had … fallen for me? When? How? I felt awful and sort of uncomfortable being with him in this small room as he laid his feelings bare. Was this my fault? Sure, I’d been flirting with him on and off, which was what we always did, but I’d hate to think I gave him the wrong impression. I should have taken more care with my actions.

“Blaine, I—”

He cut me off with a wave of his hand and one of his killer smiles. “Just be happy, Princess, that’s all I ask.” I could tell he was done. “Thanks for checking in on me, Ari. It’s getting pretty late, so I’m going to get some rest.”

Hot, damp heat pricked my eyes, and I swallowed hard to relieve the pressure. I would not cry in front of him. I would not make him feel bad; he had done absolutely nothing wrong. This was just one of those impossible circumstances and I needed to deal with the fallout. Loving Kade was worth it, but I never wanted it to come at the pain of my friends.

“I’ll see you in the morning, B. I…” I was going to say “Love you,” as I had a million times before, but now I wasn’t sure if that was just cruel.

Turning, I continued my deep breathing so I wouldn’t break apart, which lasted right up until a large arm wrapped around me, spinning me and hauling me back into a hard chest. Blaine hugged me tightly, so tight it was almost as if he was trying to hold all the pieces of me together.

“We’ll get through this,” he said close to my ear. The swell of pain was rising, the heat like lava behind my eyes. “I will always love you, Ari, and it’ll go back to just friendship soon. Don’t spill tears over me. It’s not worth it.”

I hugged him back as hard as I could, before wrenching free and running from the room. Slamming his door behind me, I sank back against it, hot, silent tears dripping along my cheeks. My wolf howled inside of me and I knew she wanted to change, to escape some of the responsibility and emotions that came from being in human form.

Ari!

Finn called to me. He was off hunting. This had been hard on him too, and without lots of freedom he’d go crazy.

I’m okay, buddy. Just having an emotional chick moment.

His rumbling howl was soothing. I can be right back if you need me.

The tears were still running unchecked, but I felt slightly better. No, you stay and enjoy yourself with Nix. I have a few more people to see tonight. I won’t be alone.

I love you.

He withdrew from my mind, and some of the ache in my heart eased. Turning, I pressed my hand against the door. Somehow I knew Blaine was right on the other side, standing there, feeling my sorrow as I cried for him … for us.

Blaine was and always would be a part of me. When you know someone for so long, from childhood, they begin to define you, to take up so many precious memories. I needed Blaine to be in my life, always, just not like that. I was hoping what he said about getting over it was true and that we could go back to our old ways.

After pulling myself together, wiping away the last of my sadness, I went and knocked on Monica’s door. She yelled out, “Come in,” and I was pleased to step inside and see her, Victor, and Jen playing poker. That was a good sign, sticking together, playing poker like the old times.

When they looked up and saw me, all of them threw their cards down. “It’s not the same without Derek and Ben.”

Monica was always the one to cut right to the point.

I nodded. So not exactly like old times.

Victor grumbled, “I even miss Violet’s cheating ways.”

We all chuckled at that and I sat down next to them, our knees all touching. “I wanted to check in with you guys to let you know that I’m so sorry about the losses we’ve endured … and that I plan to avenge Ben and Derek, and to get Violet back.”

Victor’s face suddenly looked haunted. “I want revenge, Ari. I want the faes’ heads on a stick, and after that I don’t want to ever see another pointy-eared demon for the rest of my life.”

I understood his emotions. To a large degree I felt the same. The fae had proven to be cold, ruthless, and utterly relentless when they wanted something. But not all of them, right? We had some allies among the Tuatha, and I clung to this hope instead of letting the anger completely consume me.

One day soon I’d try to talk to Victor about it, to tell him that not all fae were bad, and that not all of them deserved to die. But now wasn’t the time. I grasped his hand. “When we get Violet back, I will fix the mecca and make sure the fae never step foot in our territory again.”

He nodded, and so did Jen and Monica.

I took a deep breath before speaking my last and most important point. “I know that being my guard while living with the bear king and fighting fae wasn’t really on the job description when you signed up, so I want to give you all the opportunity to leave. Go explore the country or settle down somewhere safe. No hard feelings. I’ll call often and—”

Monica was the one to cut me off and she did so in Spanish. Lord only knows what she said but she sounded pissed. Jen and Victor just stared at her. “I think she’s saying that you’re batshit crazy and we will never leave you,” Jen said. “And if so, I agree.”

Monica nodded. Victor just chucked one of the cards at my head. “You’re not getting rid of us that easily.”