Pushing the Limits (Pushing the Limits, #1)(98)

The hospital psychiatrist, a balding man in his late forties, laughed. “Tissues were made to be torn. Don’t worry.”

I felt like I had done nothing but cry since I woke up this morning. I cried when I opened my eyes to find Noah at my side. I cried when the doctors immediately came in and asked Noah to leave so they could examine me. I cried when I told the psychiatrist and Mrs. Collins what I remembered. I cried when they talked me through the events.

And here I was, hours later, still crying—a pathetic, constant trickle of tears.

I plucked another tissue from the box and tried to discreetly blow my nose. I remembered. Everything. Showing up and finding Mom in a deep depression. Deciding to stay to see if I could convince her to see her therapist. Drinking the tea and then feeling ill.

Going to the bathroom, finding the empty bottle of sleeping pills on the sink and calling my father only to end up in his voice mail. The sinking realization that my mother planned to kill herself and then decided to include me without my consent. Becoming woozy and falling into the stained glass. The time spent on the floor, begging my mother to get me help, and then … closing my eyes.

No wonder I hated sleep.

I blew my nose again. “So, can I go home?”

The psychiatrist leaned forward and patted my knee. “Yes. I recommend that you continue private therapy to deal with any residual feelings now that you’ve remembered the incident. I hear Mrs. Collins has kept a few private clients on. Maybe she’d be willing to help.”

Mrs. Collins all but wagged her tail and panted. “My door is always open.”

“I think I’d like that.” Who knew? The woman I’d assumed was dead-set on making my life a living hell had actually delivered me from it.

IN TYPICAL GLINDA THE Good Witch fashion, Lila brought me stuff from home. Once I had something to change into other than puke-covered clothes or a hospital gown, I enjoyed a long, hot shower. When I left the bathroom, I found Noah standing by the window.

“Hey,” I said.

“Hey.” Noah flashed his wicked grin. “I hear they’re springing you.”

“Yeah.” I walked over to the small bag Lila had left and shoved my stuff back in, trying to think of anything else to do to keep myself busy.

He’d witnessed me lose it. But he also stayed with me the entire time. Maybe he felt bad for me. Yet he broke into Mrs. Collins’s office to get my file because, according to Beth, he wanted me back.

“Noah.” But he said my name at the exact same time. He hitched his thumbs in his pockets as I drummed my fingers against the nightstand.

“How are you?” he asked.

Was he asking because he was buying himself time before he dumped me? Who would want to stay with a crazy girl? I shrugged and watched my fingers continue to tap. “Fine.”

In an uncharacteristic movement, Noah scratched the back of his head. He looked almost … unsure. Crap, I’d freaked him out so badly he was terrified to be in the same room as me.

“You scared the shit out of me last night, so forgive me if I don’t want to hear fine as an answer.”

I rubbed my eyes, hoping it would keep the burning tears away. The warm water of the shower had finally calmed the tears, but the thought of Noah walking away brought them back. “What do you want to hear? That I’m exhausted? Terrified? Confused? That all I want to do is rest my head on your chest and sleep for hours, but that’s not going to happen because you’re leaving me?”

“Yes,” he said quickly, then just as quick said, “No. Everything but the last part.” He paused. “Echo, how could you think I would leave you? How can you doubt how I feel?”

“Because,” I said as I felt the familiar twisting in my stomach. “You saw me lose it. You saw me almost go insane.”

The muscles in his shoulders visibly tensed. “I watched you battle against the worst memory of your life and I watched you win. Make no mistake, Echo. I battled right beside you. You need to find some trust in me … in us.”

Noah inhaled and slowly let the air out. His stance softened and so did his voice. “If you’re scared, tell me. If you need to cry and scream, then do it. And you sure as hell don’t walk away from us because you think it would be better for me. Here’s the reality, Echo: I want to be by your side. If you want to go to the mall stark naked so you can show the world your scars, then let me hold your hand. If you want to see your mom, then tell me that, too. I may not always understand, but damn, baby, I’ll try.”

I stared at him and he stared at me. The air between us grew heavy with the weight of our next unsaid words.

“Okay,” I said.

He closed his eyes for a second, the tension draining from his face. “Okay.”

My heart pounded in my chest. Did this mean we were back together? I wanted it to mean that, but the ground beneath me felt unstable. Maybe we’d be okay if we could just be us again. “Stark naked?”

“We all have dreams, Echo.” The right side of his mouth tipped up. “You know, there’s a bed here and the door’s already closed. It’d be a damn shame not to take advantage of the situation.”

I laughed and the action took me off guard, but, oh, it felt good.

Noah didn’t walk, he stalked and I loved the mischievous glint in his eye when he stalked me. He placed his hands on my hips and nuzzled my hair. “I love the way you smell.”