Pushing the Limits (Pushing the Limits, #1)(101)

I glanced at my bouncing foot. Guilt ate at me. She wanted a clean slate. If we were starting off on a new foot, we needed to begin with honesty. “And I’m going to really try with you. Not fake try. Really try.”

Ashley smiled through her tears and nodded, accepting my treaty.

“Mrs. Emerson, I’m here to examine you,” said a nurse in purple scrubs. “Would the two of you mind stepping out?”

My father stood. “No problem.”

The appropriate thing to do would be to hug her. Yeah … I should. But I couldn’t. I’d save that for when I really felt it. Repairing my relationship with Ashley was going to require baby steps. I held my hand out to her and she squeezed it.

“I’ll see you at home,” she said.

“Okay.”

Almost shocking the red out of my hair, my father placed an arm around my shoulder and escorted me out of the room. “Have I told you lately how much I love you?”

A floor-to-ceiling window ended the hall next to Ashley’s room. My father closed the door behind him and the two of us looked out on the busy parking lot. Do you realize that you haven’t touched me like this in years? “No.”

He pulled me closer to him and kept his eyes locked on the outside world. “I love you more than you could ever know.”

“I love you, too,” I whispered. “I wish …” That Aires had never died. That my mother wasn’t so selfish. “I wish things didn’t have to be so difficult between us.”

“I didn’t know how to talk to you, Echo. Not that I ever did before, but after what happened with your mother … I had a hard time facing you. Every time I looked at you, I saw how I failed—and how could I ask for your forgiveness if you didn’t even remember what I did?”

“What happened?” I glanced up to him. “On your side?”

The gray that shadowed his face made him appear way older than a man in his forties. “Fifteen minutes. That’s how long your message sat in voice mail. I called 911 as soon as I heard the panic in your voice. I begged them to check on you and your mother. Ashley and I left immediately, but I knew we wouldn’t be fast enough.

“If only I’d answered my phone when you called, I would have told you to lock yourself in the bathroom. You never would have fallen through that glass. If I’d checked my voice mail earlier, you would have been conscious when EMS found you.” He closed his eyes. Pure torture weighed his features. “You almost died.”

I pressed my face into his chest and squeezed him tighter. “I’m alive, Daddy.” And say it, Echo. “And it’s okay. I don’t blame you.”

My father hugged me back as he whispered, over and over, “I’m so sorry.”

I turned my head, listening to his heart as I looked out the window. Just like always, the world continued. People left and entered the hospital. Cars scurried to their destination points. And as glad as I was to have gotten through to my father, I knew my destination wasn’t here.

“You know those times I left town to sell my paintings?” I pulled back, but my father kept his arm around me even as he turned his head and glanced away. The quiet, painful recognition that he’d lost control of me several weeks ago was still evident on his face.

“Yes.”

How exactly should I explain this? “I slept through the night while I was gone.”

“Echo, that’s great!”

And he didn’t understand. “It made me realize I need to find a space of my own. When I graduate from high school, I’m moving out.”

It had to be said, but I regretted the heaviness that returned to my father. He rubbed my shoulder. “I know I’ve made mistakes. I can’t tell you how many nights I’ve sat up and watched those brief precious hours that you actually slept and wondered how I could make all of your problems disappear. I know it wasn’t good enough, but I did the best I could by you. No matter how hard I tried, I could never find a way to fix you.”

The image in my head made sense. I was a broken vase and my father’s tight reign was the glue. He thought if he pressed hard enough, I’d go back to normal.

“You really tried with Mom, didn’t you?” My conversation with her had made me rethink everything she raised me to believe.

His tone grew hoarse. “I loved her, Echo. She was that someone that tilted my universe. But I loved you and Aires more. I tried everything possible to minimize the effects of her behavior on the two of you. I became what they call an enabler until I finally realized that the only person who could help your mother was herself.”

My father wiped at his face and I pretended that maybe he had dust on it. “I came home one night and found you and Aires in your bedroom closet, hiding from her. It wasn’t the first time, but I swore to myself it would be the last. I couldn’t change your mom, but I could take care of the two of you. I hired Ashley full-time and told your mother that if she didn’t get it together I’d file for divorce.

“You were too young to remember, but your mother did try and there were periods where she stayed on her medication and did fine. When she got really bad, I’d admit her to a psychiatric hospital. The cycle never ended. From good to okay, from okay to bad, from bad to the hospital and then back to good. One night I came home from visiting her at the hospital and I found Ashley reading to you in your room. You sat on her lap, played with her hair and looked at her like she hung the moon. She helped Aires with his science project and recorded his basketball game. She even cooked you guys dinner and warmed me up leftovers.