Pushing Perfect(72)

“Which is kind of all Isabel thinks about when we go out,” Becca said, with a little smirk. She didn’t look like she was going to cry anymore, which was good, because if she did I would have lost it.

“Which is a totally normal thing to think about,” I said. “I made everything hard. I’m working on being more trusting, though this whole Ms. Davenport situation is not helping.”

“I can’t even imagine.” She took a sip of soda.

“This is going to sound weird, but I’m glad you know everything now. I don’t have to hide anything anymore. I really am sorry.”

“Me too,” she said. “I love how both of us were totally convinced it was our fault, but we were both too stubborn to do anything to fix it. Actually, I hate that, but it reminds me of us, when we were us, you know?”

I smiled. “Yeah,” I said. “I do. Look, I know it’s probably too late, but do you think there’s a chance we could ever be friends again?” I felt nervous even asking, but it was worth a shot.

“You’re working on the trust thing,” she said. “I can work on the understanding thing. It won’t be easy, and it’s not going to be the same. But I’m willing to try if you are.”

We both got up from the table and hugged each other, and I felt the pain of missing her all over again, even though she was right there. We’d lost over a year, and we would never get it back.

“Let’s get out of here,” I said. “Those nachos were terrible.”





28.


The next day at lunch, Alex decided that we should have a movie night while we figured out how to lure Ms. Davenport into meeting with us. We agreed that she and I would be responsible for the snacks, and Raj could pick the movie. “PJs all around, this time,” she said. “Can’t have Kara showing up all fancy again.”

I blushed, thinking about wearing pajamas in front of Raj. Raj didn’t seem all that worried about it, though. “I’ll wear my flannels with the duckies and bunnies,” he said.

I hoped he wasn’t kidding. I planned to go with leggings and a hoodie, which was what I normally wore to bed anyway. It wasn’t all that different than what I was wearing to school—the leggings were jeans, and the hoodie was a sweater, but it was pretty close.

I just had to get through one more day of calculus before everything would be out in the open. I knew things would most likely only get harder, but at least I wouldn’t have this fidgety feeling of hiding stuff all the time, along with the fear that Ms. Davenport would somehow look at my face and figure out what I knew. One way or another, I needed this to be over.

Today wasn’t that day, though. I sat in class and daydreamed about what we would say to her when the confrontation finally happened. I couldn’t quite decide on the right words, though I hoped they’d come at the appropriate time. Now it was just a matter of deciding what the appropriate time was. That was part of what we were going to figure out tonight.

I got through class without making eye contact with Ms. Davenport at all, and the rest of the day went by quickly. Alex and I did our junk food shopping and headed to Raj’s house. I felt a wave of guilt as I remembered what had happened there the first time, but I reminded myself that we were well past that now. And Raj was not, to my serious disappointment, wearing ducky/bunny pajamas; he was in a plain white T-shirt and sweatpants, which didn’t make him look any less cute.

Raj started getting the snacks all set up as Alex and I went straight for the couch, each one of us grabbing an armrest.

“Movie first, then talk?” Alex asked. “Or talk first, then movie?”

“I vote talk first,” I said. “Let’s get this mess over with. I made a list.” I got my little notebook out of my bag.

“Of course you did,” she said.

“What kind of list?” Raj asked. He brought bowls of chips and M&Ms over to us and set them on the coffee table, then plopped down in the middle. The couch was super comfortable but wasn’t huge, which meant that Raj was just one cushion away, and I felt very aware of how close he was. Last time we hadn’t been sitting next to each other; Alex had sat in the middle. I bet she’d changed her seat on purpose. Ever the matchmaker, even at a time like this.

“It’s a list of everything we need to do.” I looked down to read what I had written. “First, we have to decide when we want to set the meeting. And where. Then we have to figure out how to send a blocked message—”

“Covered,” Alex said.

“Okay, but then we have to agree on what to write.” I looked up. “Is that everything, do you think?”

“Very thorough,” Raj said. “Most impressive.”

“Any ideas?”

“We have to meet her someplace public enough that she can’t make a scene, but not so public that people can overhear us,” Alex said.

“Coffeehouse?” Raj asked.

She shook her head. “A little too public, I think.”

“What about somewhere else downtown?” I asked. “Those picnic tables near the park? They’re set a little bit back from the street but not too far, and people walk by there all the time.”

“Won’t we be cold?” Alex asked.

“Not if we’re doing it this weekend. It’s supposed to be in the low fifties, and we can always bundle up.”