Piecing Me Together(18)

Tonight’s gathering is at Sabrina’s house. “It’s girl talk night,” Sabrina says. She is sitting crossed-legged on the living room floor. The hardwood is shiny, like she mopped before we came. All twelve girls and all twelve mentors are here, and it doesn’t even feel crowded. I think about all of us trying to squeeze into my house, how we’d bulge out of every corner like chubby feet in too-tight shoes. I hope tonight’s topic is “How to Get a House Like Sabrina’s.” That’s what I want to know how to do.

Most girls are on the floor, but I got here early, so I have a seat on one of the sofas. Everywhere I turn, I see snacks. Bowls of popcorn drizzled with olive oil and pepper. There is dried edamame in a small dish, and chocolate-covered sunflower seeds in a square bowl. The colorful, tiny seeds look like miniature Easter eggs. In the kitchen, fresh grapefruit slices float in a water cooler. I like plain water better, so I took some from the faucet before I sat down. “Help yourself to the snacks,” Sabrina says. “Healthy living is healthy eating.” There’s a tray of vegetables in the center of the coffee table with a small bowl of hummus for dipping.

“We’ll have one of these girl talk sessions once a quarter,” Sabrina tells us. “Each time there will be a different topic.”

Tonight’s topic is dating. Sabrina asks each mentee to write one or two questions on the blank pieces of paper and put them in the question box.

I don’t write a question.

I can tell by the looks on everyone’s faces who’s excited about talking about dating and who’s terrified. Tamar literally sighs out loud, like she’d rather be anywhere but here. I see Ryan nudge her, telling her to pull it together. The twelve of us fit into four categories. Since Kayla is dating a guy who’s in college and Tamar and Ryan are sitting here looking like they could lead this session, I put them in the “I Know Everything There Is to Know about Relationships” crew. Tracey, Ivy, Tameka, and Gabriella are in the “I’m Focused on School and I Don’t Have Time for Anyone Else” group. I guess I’m in that category too. I mean, I don’t mind talking about dating, but it seems like every time adults have something to say to girls it’s about what kind of boy not to talk to, what not to do with a boy. And even when they ask about our grades, and we tell them we have good grades, they usually say something like, “Well, that’s good. I’m glad you’re not distracted by them boys.”

The only girls who seem excited by this discussion are Mercy, Sadie, and Lexus. They are the curious girls. They’ve dated before but have so much to learn. And then there’s Jasmine. She’s the only “I’m Saving Myself for Marriage” girl. Right now, Jesus is her boyfriend.

Sabrina says, “I’ve asked each mentor to come prepared to share the things they wish someone had told them about dating when they were your age.”

Sabrina looks at Melanie. “Who wants to start?” she asks, when clearly she wants Melanie to speak first.

Melanie crosses her legs. She is one of the oldest mentors of the group. Midforties, I think. She is married, and talks about her husband like he’s her favorite everything. “Sure, I’ll give it a go,” she says. “When I first got Sabrina’s e-mail, I thought, well, if I’m really honest with myself, the truth is I was given some very good advice about dating. I just didn’t listen.”

The women laugh in agreement.

“Seriously,” she says. “My mom schooled me well. She told me that before thinking about dating and sex and all of that, I needed to worry about myself because I would never be able to love anyone or treat anyone with dignity if I didn’t first love and respect myself.”

Rachel, one of the mentors, snaps her fingers like she’s at a poetry café. “Girl, you can say that again!”

All the women are nodding, their heads moving like synchronized swimmers.

Tamar asks, “But what if you already know who you are and what you want?”

Another woman speaks. She looks at Tamar and says, “You think you know yourself, but trust me: you will keep growing and developing. That’s why you all need to take the pressure off yourselves to have these serious relationships. You will change so much in the next ten years—”

Sabrina interrupts. “In ways you can’t even imagine.”

“Right,” the woman says.

Ryan looks like she has checked out of the conversation. She is playing with the chocolate-covered sunflower seeds. Lining them up on her plate according to color.

Sabrina speaks again. “Any other mentors want to add something?” she asks.

Maxine hasn’t spoken. She is looking all over the room, everywhere except Sabrina’s direction, like she doesn’t want to be called out. She must be thinking of Jon. Must be thinking she has no advice to give.

Brenda speaks. “I guess I’ll add that relationships should be fun. I mean, there should be real joy in spending time with the person you are dating—and actually, this goes for friendships, too. If a person is making you the brunt of the joke all the time, or if they are dismissive of your feelings, then you need to stop wasting your time.”

“Now that’s the truth!” someone says.

Then Sabrina says, “With that, we’ll go to the question box.” She shakes the velvet box and pulls an index card out. “Our first question is, ‘How do I get guys to notice me?’”