Perfect Little World(97)
“Where’s Harris?” Paul asked.
“He’s staying at the Hospitality House there at the hospital,” Dr. Grind answered. “He’s going to be with Ellen tomorrow and then the hospital is going to release her and she’s going to check herself into a mental health facility to deal with her situation.”
“Which is what exactly?” Susan asked. “I still don’t understand what’s going on.”
“Well, Jeremy and Ellen have been having an affair,” Dr. Grind said.
“We know that much,” Carmen offered, but Dr. Grind seemed not to hear her.
“It’s been going on for a while, but apparently Ellen has been pressuring Jeremy to leave altogether. She wanted to start a new life away from the complex. She wanted to take Eli and Marnie. When Jeremy refused, Ellen became a little more antagonistic, according to Harris, who has been aware of this for some time, by the way. Tonight, when she saw Jeremy and Callie making dinner, it caused her to make an attempt on her life.”
“What happens when she finishes her time at the facility?” Julie then asked. “Does she get to come back to the complex?”
“In a perfect world, yes,” Dr. Grind said. “To remove Ellen from the family would remove Harris and Marnie. I don’t want that to happen.”
“Well,” Julie said, emotion breaking her voice into a higher octave, “I don’t know if I want Ellen here, to be honest. I don’t know if I want Jeremy here either.”
“We’re a family,” Dr. Grind said, “an imperfect one. I think we’re testing the limits of what that means, unfortunately.”
“I think we might be past that, Dr. Grind,” Julie then said.
“Let’s try to think of the present moment,” Dr. Grind said. “Let’s try to be kind, as much as we can be. We need to make our kids—”
“Our kids,” Julie said.
Dr. Grind paused, wincing at the wording. “Of course. Your children need to feel safe, and so we need to try to stick to our routine as much as possible, to make them understand that, while bad things happen to those we love, we can rally around each other to make us all stronger.”
“They won’t even let us in the room,” Asean said.
“And I see that you are all respecting that,” Dr. Grind replied. “That’s fine. Be ready for when they do want you to come back to them. It could be tomorrow or it could be days from now, but we have to show them that we can be there for them.”
Izzy had not fully understood this particular problem of collective parenting. It was wonderful when a child could look to every adult in the project and think of them as their parent. But, for Izzy, it suddenly dawned on her with a hopelessness that she could not control that if one parent betrayed a child’s trust, then, in the eyes of the children, every parent had betrayed them. No matter how good a parent Izzy might be, if one of the other parents fucked up, it would be her fault, too. Equal attachment, she understood, worked both ways.
“I’m going to get us some blankets and pillows,” Jill said, and Jeffrey went with her. The parents returned to their spots on the floor, leaning against the walls, while Dr. Grind, taking deep breaths, trying to be calm, walked past them and disappeared from view, gone to his own apartment or perhaps to wander the grounds, as Izzy had seen him do countless times in the past.
After Jill returned with an armload of blankets and pillows, she and Jeffrey now returning to their own apartments, the parents began to settle into their spots on the floor. Nikisha, however, suddenly stood up and ran down the hall to the art room. She came back with a piece of red construction paper and a black marker. She knelt on the floor and drew a large heart and the words, We love you kids so much. She then signed her name. She handed it to Asean, who signed it, and then passed it to the next parent. Eventually, everyone had signed his or her name. Nikisha then took the paper and slid it under the door of the music room. “It’s something,” she offered, and the other parents, now exhausted, agreed. Just when it seemed, having done all they could think of to win their children back, that they would begin to fall asleep, they found themselves too wired to get comfortable.
“Should I get some booze?” Link offered.
“Maybe that’s not a great idea, sweetie,” Julie then said.
“I’ll make some coffee?” Kenny suggested, and then Susan stood and said she would make some popcorn and get some chips. The rest of the parents now stretched, afraid to leave their spots in the hallway for somewhere more comfortable, in case the children came out of the room. Izzy, however, still too jittery from what she knew and her own guilt, told the others that she wanted to take a walk, to burn off some of this energy. They nodded and Carmen gave her a hug, and then Izzy was off. She took a few steps down the stairs and then stopped. She sat down and thought of Dr. Grind, knowing he would still be awake. She thought of that moment, when Julie had reminded him that he was slightly outside the experience that the parents were undergoing, the way he had been momentarily stunned by the admission. She went back up the stairs, past the hallway where the parents were now talking softly, and she stood in front of Dr. Grind’s door. She tapped as lightly as she could, as if testing the thickness of a sheet of ice, and waited for a few seconds before the door opened. Dr. Grind was standing in front of her, his hair combed back into place, his tie, having been removed before, now in place and properly knotted.