Over the Edge (Bridge #3)(70)

“Do you have any idea how hard it’s been to share you? To let him have any part of you when I want you for myself?”

“This hasn’t been easy for any of us.”

“That’s because we’re trying to make something work that’s impossible!” I shouted, overwhelmed with the reality I was now facing.

More tears rimmed her eyes. “I can’t let myself believe that,” she said quietly.

The fire of my rage dulled enough to go to her. I caged her against me, willing my heart to slow down. Willing the anger and resentment away, knowing ultimately it was tearing us both apart.

Slowly I caressed down her arms and over her silken skin. She was as soft and intoxicating as the first time I’d touched her. But so much had changed. I grazed my hand over her flat belly, where Will’s child was growing. Now we’d never be the same.

I fought back an albatross of emotion. I’d spent half my life taking every measure to ensure I never became a father. I didn’t know what came over me now to change that, but if given the choice, I would have traded places with Will in a heartbeat. I would have given anything in that moment to be the one she was bound to, to know she was carrying that life for me.

She sighed against me and held me back, a mirror of deep love and trust. I held her tighter, overwhelmed with what I felt for this woman.

“I wish it were me, Liv. I wish I’d been the selfish one.” I didn’t recognize my own voice. But in that moment, I knew I’d never hold her again this way…

I pulled away. The physical separation cut through me like a hot blade. I went to my closet to retrieve the large duffle and started throwing clothes into it. I hadn’t ever planned to stay with Will long, so my belongings here were few. The rest were with my family until I found a place to land. This would be over quickly. Had to be, because I could scarcely breathe. Had to get out of here.

“Ian, don’t leave.”

Liv was frozen where I’d left her. Her tears gutted me, as did the pain in her voice. I hated Will for what this was doing to her, but I couldn’t sit here and watch this play out.

I swallowed over the knot in my throat. “I can’t stay here.”

I threw the last of my things into the bag and zipped it up. Then I went to her, knowing I had to say good-bye.

“Please, Ian. You don’t have to do this.” Her voice wavered, and she came to me, fisting her hands into my shirt.

Still, I fought the urge to drop the bag and give her everything she wanted. Acceptance, forgiveness for what Will had done, a promise that we’d find a way through this mess. Instead, I fell deeper into my pain, a journey I’d grown used to over time.

“I should have never stayed, Liv. Your first night at Will’s should have been my last. This was a mistake.”

The words fell cold between us. I forced myself to believe it. If I hadn’t stayed and become so entangled with her, I could have saved us both the pain we were feeling now.

She shook her head against me. “Don’t say that.”

I lifted her chin and touched my lips gently to hers. She brought her arms around my neck and kissed me hard. I fell into it, returning her passion with all of mine. I was obsessed with her taste, the way she seemed to live inside me when we were this close. She moaned, and I almost lost all control. But I couldn’t.

I broke away and gazed into her eyes. Pain lingered, but love and desire washed across her beautiful features.

“I love you, Liv.” My fingers slipped away. “But I have to go.”

She wasn’t mine anymore.

OLIVIA



I knocked before entering Maya’s and Cameron’s upstairs apartment. I found Maya and Vanessa in the living room sitting beside each other on the couch. Aidan was nestled against Maya’s chest.

Vanessa brightened when I joined them. “Hey, lady. I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Yeah, I’ve been staying with Will. He’s in the penthouse above the new gym. I’m probably going to be there full time in another week or two.”

“Wow, that’s great. I’m jealous.”

I laughed lightly. She wouldn’t be jealous if she knew what a mess my life was right now. I dropped onto the adjacent couch, my limbs heavy with grief. I was perpetually exhausted, likely from the hormones that were taking over my body. But no doubt too from endlessly wondering how I could have done things differently.

Ian had given up on us, and it weighed on me like nothing ever had. I called him every day, sometimes more than once. I left voice mails and sent texts, but his silence was crushing. Nothing felt right.

I wasn’t alone, but my heart had broken on the fault line between the love I had for Will and Ian. I didn’t feel whole. And until he changed his mind, I worried that nothing would ever be the same for me.

“You want to hold him?” Maya passed the baby into Vanessa’s eager arms before standing. “Now that you’re both here, I’m going to take a quick shower if you don’t mind.”

Maya left us, and Vanessa cooed and clucked at the baby, seemingly as enamored with him as I had been. “Can you believe how fast our family is growing?”

In another year, our family would be even bigger. Little did she know…

“It’s hard to believe,” I said. “A couple years ago, I would have never imagined Cameron being a dad, but now I can’t imagine it any other way. He’s a natural.”