Out of the Ashes (Sons of Templar MC #3)(93)

I flinched, physically flinched, at the dead way his voice rolled over those words. Tears started streaming down my face unbidden. He wiped them away softly.

“Thought my life had ended that day, Mia. Was certain of it. Made my peace with the darkness, with a life void of anything. Made my peace ‘cause I didn’t plan on living in the darkness too long,” he said, no nonsense.

I placed my hand over my mouth. He actually meant....

“Was gonna check out. Eat my gun. The guilt, the f*ckin’ poisonous shit swirling inside me was killing me slowly anyway. Would rather it have been my own hand that did it in the end.” He gently removed my hand from my mouth and kissed it gently.

“Then someone saw it. There’s a look you get when you’re halfway in the grave. Didn’t know it. Brothers didn’t know it. She did. They pulled me back babe—the club,” he clarified. “Was angry as f*ck at first. I just wanted it over. I was tired. So f*cking tired of the constant fight against the shit inside my head. The darkness. Fuck, I was the darkness, a f*ckin’ monster. What I turned into, what I still am.” He traced my face lightly. “And at first I was angry at you. You came into my life, made me want something I knew I could never have. Not with the marks on my soul. Not when I’d already killed one person who didn’t do a thing but love the wrong man.” He gave me a hard look, trying to communicate that I was loving the wrong man. “I’ll be forever grateful, for them, the club. For saving me. So I could somehow find more sunshine,” he murmured, eyes locked on mine. “See, what I had before bathed my world in a warm glow. Was beautiful. But what I’ve got with you and Lexie almost f*ckin’ blinds me, it’s so bright.” The soft look left his face quickly. “Which is exactly why you were right that day. I was blind. Couldn’t see what I was doing, repeating the f*ckin’ past,” he growled as if he was angry with himself. No, furious.

I didn’t know what to say. What words did you choose when someone bares their soul to you? When someone rips it open bare, so you can see every broken piece, every heartbreaking shard and presents it to you?

“Zane,” I whispered.

He gripped the back of my neck tightly. “Way I feel about the two of you,” he interrupted me. “I’d be f*ckin’ gone if anything happened to either of you. There would be nothing left. That’s why I can’t risk it. Can’t risk you,” he finished. He looked at me with guarded eyes, like I was going to rear back in disgust after his heartbreaking story.

“You are the most beautiful man I’ve ever met,” I whispered through my tears. “The fact you went through that,” I flinched at the thought, “and can still fill my and Lexie’s life with so much happiness makes you the most amazing person on this planet,” I declared.

He opened his mouth to argue no doubt.

I put my finger to his lips. “No. Mia’s talking now,” I said firmly. “I’m sorry. From the depths of my soul I’m so sorry that happened to you. To Laurie. My heart breaks for you. For her.” I searched his eyes. “’Cause she probably felt like the luckiest girl on earth every second she was with you. And I bet if she was here now she’d say she’d do nothing different if it meant she got that time with you. To be loved by you,” I whispered.

Zane’s face turned stormy. “You can’t say that shit, Mia,” he growled. “You don’t know what the f*ck you’re talking about.”

I refused to back down. “I can,” I told him with conviction. “Because if that was me, I’d go through anything—” I barely got the ing out of anything before Zane’s lips fastened over mine, shutting me up and filling me at the same time.

He twisted us around so my back slammed into the wall, his entire body pressing on mine.

“Fuck, Mia,” he murmured against my mouth as his hand ran along my hips, stopping at my breasts. “This is us,” he murmured in between kisses that trailed down my chest. “Saying that shit—” He looked up, yanking my breast out of the cup of my bra. “Means I’m never letting you go again. Ever,” he promised before his mouth fastened on my nipple.

I ran my hands through his hair, crying out at the pleasure, the touch I had been denied for months. I moaned in protest as his mouth left my nipple and moved back to brush mine, his eyes flaming with desire.

“You gotta realize, Wildcat—you may be my sunshine, but I’m still darkness. I’ll always be what that day made me,” he growled.

“Beautiful,” I finished for him.

His face froze for a split second before his mouth claimed me once more, and he lifted me, striding us toward his bedroom. It was a wild sort of desperation between the both of us, to get each other’s clothes off, get skin touching skin. Once Zane had me naked, he didn’t push me down on the bed like I expected. He stepped back. I made to reach down to his jeans and pull them off, but he stopped me with a brisk command.

“Stay there,” he ordered, his eyes on my naked body.

I did as I was told, feeling exposed but safe. The way Zane’s eyes roved over every inch of me made me feel powerful, beautiful.

“Two months,” he murmured, stepping forward. “Two months,” he repeated against my mouth. I lost my breath when he roughly pushed me on the bed. He spread my legs, staring right there. “Imagined every inch of your body, your beauty,” he told me. “Didn’t think I had it wrong. I did.” His eyes met mine. “More beautiful than I ever remembered. *’s more beautiful than I pictured.” He yanked my body so my hips were at the end of the bed, kneeling in between my legs. “Let’s see if it tastes sweeter than I remember,” he growled.