On the Rocks(99)

“Wolf has a big mouth,” he said as he stared at one of the TVs above the bar.

“I forced it out of him,” I lied, not wanting him to get mad at Wolf now too.

“What’d you do, throw your other shoe at his head?”

“Something like that,” I said sheepishly as I slid onto the stool next to him. “Anyway, I’ll have you know, I wasn’t even looking for you.”

“Then why are you here?”

“I like the bar nuts,” I said.

“You’re a bar nut,” he replied, tossing a peanut shell at me.

“Listen, I don’t really know what happened back there, but I’m sorry. You were right. I had no reason to say anything about that woman, Melinda. It was none of my business. I’m not sure what happened to me, but I’m really sorry.”

“I think you were jealous,” he teased.

“Don’t push your luck.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m sorry I aimed a little below the belt there with the knitting needles. That wasn’t cool.”

“No biggie. It’s over and done with. Friends again?”

“Are you done being psychotic?”

“I think so.”

“Then yeah, we’re friends again. Get a beer.” I ordered a beer and shifted on my stool next to him. “You and Grace went at it pretty good,” he said. “I wasn’t expecting that from either of you.”

“Me neither,” I admitted. I wasn’t proud of what had happened.

“I’m kind of pissed we didn’t have a mud pit handy.”

“We haven’t fought like that in a very long time, and I haven’t heard from her.”

“She’s going through some stuff, she’ll come around.”

“I was pretty mean to her.”

“Yeah, but she called you fat. You’re even.”

“Good point.”

“I knew guys could drive girls crazy, but I’ve never seen anything like the two of you. It got me thinking.”

“About what?”

“Do you think I’ve done things that made sane girls act the way you guys just did?”

“You probably have, yeah.”

“Jesus. I have to start being more careful. I don’t want to f*ck people up the way you guys got f*cked up.”

“I think that’s admirable. And potentially insulting. I’m not sure yet.”

“No seriously, you guys are like, completely crazy. Like straitjacket crazy. And let me tell you, you’re both so much better than Johnny and Ben, it’s a joke. I don’t get why you let them do this to you. They’re losers.”

“Love makes smart girls do stupid things . . . until it doesn’t.” I sighed.

“Do you realize that if either Ben or Johnny cared about you guys the way you care about each other, you both might actually be normal?”

It was one of the smartest points anyone had ever made. “Yeah,” I said as I finished my beer. “I think I finally get that.”

I went home and got into bed early, but I had a hard time falling asleep. I wanted so badly to call Grace, but I knew she wouldn’t answer. She needed to cool down, and I needed to let her, but still I hated feeling like I couldn’t call. In that way, all relationships share a common reality: it makes no difference if it’s a guy or a girl on the other end of the line, there’s nothing worse than wanting to talk to someone and being unable to dial. It occurred to me that I might not be the only person who felt that way. So I dialed.

“Hey, Mom,” I said when she answered.

“Abby! Is everything okay? You never call me. You didn’t get arrested, did you?”

“No, I didn’t get arrested. I’m just calling to talk.” There was stunned silence on the other end of the line, and I wasn’t surprised. I don’t think I had called my mother just to talk in ten years, and I didn’t mind the extra time to collect my thoughts. This was new territory for both of us. “I got into a fight with Grace,” I admitted.

“Oh,” she said quietly, still unsure how to handle this friendly phone call. “Well, that will happen. You two are like sisters. You’ll get over it.”

“I don’t know, Mom. It was pretty bad. I said some things I shouldn’t have.”

“You didn’t attack her, did you?” my mother asked. It would have been a ridiculous question under normal circumstances, but considering my track record that summer, sadly, it wasn’t out of the realm of possibility.

“Not physically, no. Do you think I’m pathetic, Mom?” It hurt to say the words out loud, but I needed to know if what Grace said was true, and if anyone would tell me the truth, it was my mother.

“Pathetic?” she answered, the shock registering in her voice. “I wouldn’t use that word to describe you in a million years. Actually, I admire you and how you’ve picked yourself up over the last few months.”

“Really?” This was not the answer I was expecting. “You do? I thought you told me I had let myself go, that I wasn’t doing anything to help myself.”

She sighed, as if hearing me repeat her own words back to her was somehow painful. Now she knew how I felt. “Abby, I know I don’t always say the right things. I know I don’t always do the right things, and I’m probably not going to win any ‘mother of the year’ awards for some of the parenting techniques I’ve used over the years. But I was only trying to give you a kick to get you going. I didn’t know what else to do. I was trying to be protective of you, and I wanted you to show everyone how strong you are. How no man could destroy the confident, beautiful woman I raised. If I messed it up, I messed it up, but you know what? You don’t see how far you’ve come the last few months. You’ve got your smile back. I like to think my tough love tactics helped put it there. I tried my very best with you girls.”