On the Rocks(84)

“Did you ever stop to think that maybe that woman has feelings? That she’s sitting at home trying to make a nice life for him and raise his children, and you have the gall to bitch about the fact that the timing’s been bad for you?”

“Yes, I’ve thought about it. It’s all I’ve been thinking about lately.” Grace’s voice rose as she tried to defend herself. “You don’t even know me. Why the hell do you care?”

“You guys, let’s not get into this now. We’ve all done things in life we regret.” It was my best attempt to restore order from the kitchen. Pathetic, I know.

“I care on behalf of married women everywhere,” Lara yelled, putting her bony hands on her even bonier hips.

“So you’re the spokeswoman for married people now?” Grace asked.

“Yes, for women who have had their marriages ruined by women like you. My personal life is a mess . . . and it’s your fault!”

Uh-oh. I didn’t see that coming either. Or have the slightest idea of what she was talking about.

“I’m sorry, what?” Grace asked, understandably wondering if Lara was having some kind of out-of-body experience or seeing things. Or more accurately, people.

“I’d like to go on the record here as saying that I’m only aware of Grace having one affair, and it’s not with your husband,” I said.

God that sounded stupid.

“I can’t believe you knew about this, Abby. How could you possibly support this? This whole time you’ve been telling me how hurt you were in your breakup and you’re still friends with someone who is putting someone else through hell?”

“Grace is my best friend. Of course I knew about it. And what does this have to do with me? I’m alone, remember?” For once that was actually going to come in handy.

“She’s my best friend, she’s supposed to be supportive, yes,” Grace snapped.

“There’s a name for girls like you, you know,” Lara said.

I really didn’t like where this was going.

“Oh, is there? Girls like me, huh? Okay, I didn’t realize you were the f*cking Virgin Mary over there,” Grace said as she stood to face her.

“Does anyone want nachos?” I asked, holding up a container of salsa. I hoped fattening food would comfort them, the way it had me for most of the last year. I found there were few things that empty calories couldn’t fix.

“No, I’m not pretending to be the Virgin Mary, but I do understand the scorned wife pretty well. My husband left me for his secretary. You’ll have to forgive me if I don’t feel sorry that you don’t get to see him on Friday nights.”

Okay, I might have just found one. Nachos weren’t going to cut it. All of a sudden I had a flashback to Lara’s comment about how she used to joke that her husband was all work and no play. She must have wanted to die when she realized that he had found a way to combine the two and that it wasn’t his paperwork keeping him late at the office.

“Guacamole? Anyone?” I asked.

“Enough, Abby!” Grace yelled.

“Lara, I’m so sorry. I had no idea things were that bad.” I sighed. “I can’t believe I’ve been bothering you with my pointless problems when you’ve been dealing with the end of your marriage. You must have wanted to smack me. I feel so stupid,” I admitted as I gave up hope that nachos would be the answer to all of our oh so serious problems. I had so wanted us all to be friends, and now I was pretty sure they were going to kill each other.

“Well, now that you do, what does that do to your view of what she’s doing?”

“I don’t really want to get involved in this,” I said.

“It’s too late for that, Abby. You’re already involved in this,” Lara said.

“Huh? How’d that happen? All I did was pick up the ribs.” Which were getting cold, but I didn’t think it was appropriate to start eating lunch when a catfight was about to bust out in the living room. I was not good at mediation, and I knew it. Where was Bobby when you needed him?

I couldn’t believe I just thought that.

“Abby, you’re friends with the other woman!” Lara squawked, like being Grace’s friend was some kind of crime.

“I usually refer to her as Grace,” I joked. No one laughed.

“That makes you almost as bad. You’re the . . . other woman’s other woman.”

“I’m no one’s woman!” I yelled in exasperation. Again, odd that that’d be a bonus point.

“Leave her out of this,” Grace snapped. “You think you’re going to turn her against me? Do you have any idea how good a friend I’ve been to her? Do you think other people would have listened to her bitch and moan and cry for the better part of the year the way I did? I should get a medal for being the best friend on earth, which you would know if you actually bothered to get to know someone before you passed judgment on them.”

“That’s true,” I admitted, hoping Lara would realize that Grace’s one bad decision didn’t define her. “Without Grace, I don’t know how I would’ve gotten over everything that happened. I was getting dangerously close to outgrowing my fat pants.”

“I just can’t believe that you’ve had the nerve to complain about your situation, like you’re the victim in this whole thing! How could you actually expect us to have sympathy for you?” Lara screamed.