On the Rocks(83)

“Oh, don’t you worry, it didn’t. You don’t have to run home and check your stove to make sure that your bunny’s not boiling. See, since we’re being so honest with each other here, I should let you know that I don’t give a shit about you [true], and I never gave a shit about you [partially true]. I was just wondering if there was a reason why you never called when you said you would. And now that I know for certain that Facebook is out to get me, I’ll sleep much better tonight, so thank you.”

“You’re not normal, you know that?” he said, dismissing me.

“Yeah, I’ve known that for a long time, but thanks for weighing in.”

I grabbed the food off the bar and all but skipped out of there.



THE WORLD IS COMING TO an end, Bobby was right,” I said as I placed the plastic bags on the floor in the kitchen.

“Please don’t tell me that,” Grace said from her perch on the end of the armchair. “He’s been weighing in on my life too, and if it turns out that he actually knows what he’s talking about, I’m going to have to kill myself.”

“Why?” Lara asked as she flipped through the channel guide on the TV.

“Grace has some problems with her boyfriend. The timing is off,” I said diplomatically. It wasn’t my place to tell Lara anything about Grace’s situation. One thing I had learned over the last few months was the importance of privacy and the knowledge that your friends will keep their mouths shut when they’re supposed to.

“I’m sorry,” Lara said, finally finding something on the cooking channel and tossing the remote back on the table. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really. But Abby is being polite. To say it’s bad timing to fall in love with a married man is kind of a huge understatement. Let’s just leave it at that.”

“I’m sorry, what?” Lara asked, understandably confused and, well, appalled.

Grace sighed and dropped the newspaper she was reading on the floor. “Long story short, Lara, my boyfriend was married, now he’s separated, she didn’t take it well, and she called me at the office and ripped me to pieces. Not one of my finer moments, but I’ve made my peace with it. The things we do for love, huh?” Grace had gone from being horridly depressed after that phone call to just numb. I understood that it was her way of handling the reality that her actions had deeply hurt another woman, but to someone who hadn’t been along for the entire roller-coaster ride of her relationship, I guess she sounded a little nonchalant about the whole thing. I knew that wasn’t the case, but everyone has their defense mechanisms.

“Your boyfriend is married?” Lara asked, shocked. I suddenly felt the mood in the room change, and not for the better. This was not how I wanted this girl bonding session to start. I needed a lovefest. I needed to reenact the part where I told him never to contact me again, and add in all the other things I could have said if I had thought of them.

“Yup. Lucky me, huh?” Grace sighed.

“How could you be okay with that?”

“He made a mistake that he’s most likely going to be paying for one way or another for the rest of his life, and so will I. Believe me, I’m not okay with it in the slightest, but when you love someone, you forgive just about anything.”

“It’s disgusting. It’s wrong. It’s immoral,” Lara said. I looked up and half-expected her to be dousing Grace with Holy Water or hanging cloves of garlic around her neck. This was not good.

“The guy knows he f*cked up, believe me,” Grace said.

“My problem isn’t with him. It’s with you,” Lara said, pointing her finger dangerously close to Grace’s face.

Didn’t see that one coming. I stopped unloading the ribs and stood frozen in the kitchen.

Uh-oh.

“Me?” Grace asked.

“Do you have so little respect for the institution of marriage that you have no problem coming between a man and his wife?” Lara’s voice had elevated, and now she was actually screaming.

Uh-oh.

“She knew the marriage was over long before I entered the picture. Now that he’s told her it’s really over, she’s not taking it well. Not that I blame her, but at this point their marriage is just a piece of paper. Wait, why am I even answering this question?” Grace asked, switching from defense to offense.

Uh-oh.

“It’s not just a piece of paper.” Lara stood and stared Grace down. I guess I should’ve realized that, as a married woman, she’d have some pretty strong opinions on the subject, but I underestimated her passion, her vehemence, and, well, her balls to weigh in so heavily on someone else’s personal life. Especially someone she barely knew. It was clear that this was very, very bad. Like Exxon Valdez bad. Like Chernobyl bad. Like Buffy the Vampire Slayer bad.

“I really don’t think this is any of your business, Lara. I don’t even know your last name, so who are you to preach to me about my morals? The only reason you’re here is because Abby invited you over to hang out, not to give me an ethics lesson.”

So much for my quiet afternoon with fattening food. This was quickly going the way of Jerry Springer, and I really didn’t want them to start cracking chairs over each other’s heads. I was counting on getting our security deposit back.