On the Rocks(7)

“You have to eat something. The doctor said you can’t take the painkillers on an empty stomach. Please, for me. Eat one.”

“So I wasn’t dreaming,” I said flatly. I was so empty and exhausted, I felt like I wouldn’t have the strength to get out of bed for weeks.

Grace’s eyes welled as she gazed at me, but she didn’t say anything. What was there for her to say? In all our years of friendship, Grace had never been at a loss for words, and I had never found myself with either a busted engagement or a busted shoulder, let alone both at the same time, so there really is a first time for everything. I licked a small amount of vanilla frosting off the corner of the paper, and then handed the cupcake back to her.

“I can’t eat anything.”

“I’m so sorry, Abby. If I could do something to fix this, I would.”

Before I could answer, my phone rang. Grace picked it up and checked the caller ID before handing it to me. “It’s your sister,” she said softly.

“Let it go to voicemail.”

“Abby, she’s probably worried sick. I’m sure your aunt called her. Talk to her.”

I took the phone from her, preparing to try and explain to my little sister what just happened. I didn’t even know where I’d start. I didn’t know myself where or how any of this started—only how it ended.

“Hi, Katie,” I whispered, tears streaming down my face just from the effort of talking to someone in the outside world. I realized this was the first of probably hundreds of times I was going to have to relive this for other people, and I wasn’t ready to hear the pain in her voice as she watched her big sister’s life fall apart on the Internet. She had idolized me for her entire life, always wearing my hand-me-down clothes, following me around after school, copying my hair, my makeup, my hobbies, the way little sisters who are only two years younger tend to do. It used to drive me crazy—copying me like she was some kind of miniature body-snatcher—and I remember wishing the day would come when she’d want to be an individual, not a little sister coming dangerously close to being a single white female–type stalker. I guess that day had finally come.

“Abby! Guess what!” she shrieked, as if this was any normal day and not the day my world and shoulder were shattered. The tone of her voice told me that not only did she have no idea what had happened, she was in a very good mood. The wonders would apparently never cease. “Did you see my text message? I told you I needed to talk to you. Guess what?”

“Katie, have you talked to Aunt Patrice today?” I asked. “Or seen my Facebook page?” It was becoming very clear that when she sent me a text saying she wanted to talk to me, it was not to offer her condolences. She was clueless. That must be nice.

“What? No, why? I have news! You will never believe what happened! I’m engaged!”

“I’m sorry. What?” I fully believed that I didn’t hear her correctly. I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping that when I opened them my head would be clearer.

“Yes! Can you believe it? We’re engaged at the same time! We can do all our planning and everything together, isn’t that fantastic? And before you say anything, don’t worry, I’m going to wait until next summer to get married, so I’m not going to steal your thunder, but isn’t this great?”

I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. I wondered for a second if the painkillers were messing with my head and making me hallucinate conversations. I waved my hand in front of my face to see if there was a rainbow trail following it, searching for some indication that I wasn’t hearing Katie correctly.

“Abby? Say something?” she pleaded, surprised that she didn’t get the reaction she was expecting. In fact, she didn’t get much of a reaction at all.

“Ben broke up with me,” I said, the words sounding so strange saying them out loud for the first time. “The wedding’s off.”

“What? What do you mean you broke up? I’m sure it’s just nerves. You guys didn’t really end things. There’s no way.”

“It’s over. He’s moving. It’s on Facebook.”

“But I don’t understand . . .” I could hear the guilt in her voice. She didn’t mean to kick me when I was down, but she had, and I couldn’t muster the energy to even pretend to be happy for her. And that made me hate myself even more.

“Katie, please don’t make me get into it right now.”

“Oh my God. Abby, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. I never would have called you like this. Does Mom know?”

“I have no idea, but I’d guess no, since I can’t hear her screaming from across town.”

“Don’t worry about anything. I’ll tell her. She’s my next phone call. I don’t know how I’m going to tell her that I’m engaged and you’re not. How do I explain this?”

“All she’ll care about is that there’s still a wedding to plan. She won’t care which one of us it’s for.”

“Abby, what can I do? I’d come over, but I’m supposed to meet my friends for celebratory drinks. I can’t cancel. They’re already waiting for me, and well, I did just get engaged, soooo . . .”

“Don’t cancel. Go.” I wasn’t trying to be the bigger person. I was just telling her what she wanted to hear, and what we both knew she was going to do. I didn’t want to ruin her moment. One of us deserved to be happy.