Never Tied Down (The Never Duet #2)(21)

“If I thought it was a mistake, I wouldn’t have come looking for you.”

Jesus.

Her words shot through the air and hit me right in the chest, followed by a sweet burn I’d been longing for. Her, here, admitting she wanted to see me. It was the most beautiful torture. Beautiful because it was what I’d wanted for so long, ever since I’d met her, for her to want me just as much as I wanted her. Torture because she was still so f*cking far away. Sure, she was sitting at my table, about to eat dinner with me, but she wasn’t nearly as close as I needed her.

We’d work on that slowly.

“I’m glad you did,” was my response.

She smiled and took a sip of her beer, her eyes wandering again. The waitress returned and I ordered us a pizza. “Can you also please make sure you bring a fork for her? She likes to eat her pizza with a fork.” The waitress smiled then walked away, and Kalli was laughing.

“That was a little uncalled for,” she said when her laughing tapered off.

“What? I just want you to have everything you need to eat your pizza.”

“You just wanted an opportunity to make fun of me.” She said the words with a smile so I knew she wasn’t offended. She was also right, so I gave her that.

“You’re still the only person I’ve ever met who eats pizza with a fork.”

“I can eat it without,” she said, as if she were challenging me.

I shrugged. “I think it’s cute.”

She blushed, and that was cute too.

“So, what have you been up to these past few months? I always thought about you, but wasn’t sure you wanted to hear from me.”

The smile she’d been wearing dimmed a little, which I hated, but I liked that she answered me anyway.

“I took some time off… after… but then I just tried to stay busy with work. I was staying either on location or with Megan and Ella, just working as much as I could.” She paused for a moment and looked as though she was fighting an inner battle. Her hands were on her glass, turning it, as though she couldn’t keep her fingers still. “I tried to distract myself from losing him. I couldn’t go back to my house, couldn’t really do anything that reminded me of him.”

“I never got a chance to tell you how sorry I was, Kal.”

I watched her stiffen at my words, but then slowly she let out a breath and I watched as some tension physically left her.

“I don’t know when it will get easier to talk about him, but it’s still really difficult. And even more difficult is knowing I was the reason you never got to tell me you were sorry. Because I pushed you away. And I’m sorry for that.” Her eyes finally met mine and they were simply begging for forgiveness. I took a chance and reached for her hand, just gently laying mine over it, trying to calm it from its frantic movements.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, baby. Absolutely nothing. You did what you had to do in order to survive, I get that. And I’m glad you’re here, now, giving us a chance to talk.” I rubbed my thumb over the back of her knuckles, gently, but then pulled away, not wanting to push it.

The air between us was charged, but we were both silent for a few moments. Finally, her voice broke the silence.

“You were always so sweet,” she whispered. “I’m glad to see some things never change.” Her smile was back and it was blindingly beautiful.

“So, you’re liking LA?” I asked, trying to bring the conversation back to a safe zone. I took a drink and watched as her face scrunched up.

“I like the weather and the job, but I still don’t feel like I fit in very well.”

I laughed. “I like the weather too, but it’s fall. Wait until spring and summer roll around. The heat gets brutal.”

“Yeah, November in LA is a lot like late summer in Washington,” she said, laughing along with me. “Are you still in the same apartment?” Her eyebrows rose with her question.

“Um, yeah. I never really got the urge to leave, so I stayed.” I didn’t tell her the only reason I stayed was because she’d been there, in my bed, with me. It was the only part of her I had left, the only piece of my life she’d touched, and I wanted to hold on to it as long as I could.

“Sometimes when you’ve got something you want, you’ve got to hold on to it.” Kalli’s voice was thoughtful and soft, and I’d be damned if she wasn’t looking right in my eyes as she said those words. That one sentence, that one remark, lifted me up and gave me hope for something more. It also solidified my game plan. I wanted her and I wasn’t going to let go of her again. This time, I wasn’t going to fade into the background and hope she eventually came around. I was going to be gentle and considerate of her emotional state, but I wasn’t going to let her make decisions that tore us apart. Not anymore.

She looked back at her glass, started spinning it again, and bit her lower lip. “So, how are things with Lexi?”

“Lexi?” I asked, my head rearing back, caught completely off guard by her question.

“I saw you with her on the news. She looked really happy.”

I could feel my eyebrows bunching in confusion, mouth gaping open, looking for any kind of explanation for her statement. After a few moments it dawned on me. Lexi. The movie premiere. Shit. It had been weeks since that happened and the gossip had died down shortly after.