Never Have an Outlaw's Baby (Deadly Pistols MC #3)(30)

Feeling its softness. The little curl it'd make beneath my tongue when she moaned. Tensing for the hot air rushing out her mouth, all the pleasure I swallowed, all the times I f*cked her 'til she collapsed.

“I came to see you, Joker. It's been awhile. But maybe this isn't a good time...looks like you have your hands full. I can come back, whenever it's better for you.”

“Babe,” I started, and stopped. Balled my hands into fists for using that word. Fuck!

Old habits never died easy. They died harder than most men.

Her big green eyes widened. I shook my head, coming closer, making her back up so she wouldn't touch my muddy f*ckin' chest.

“Summer, ain't never a good time to see me. You oughta know. Get in your rusted out box and go the f*ck home. Whatever you've got to say, I'm not hearing it.”

I kept moving. Backed her straight into her car. She stood up straight, making herself a little taller, but she still fell at least a foot short of me. Those defiant little eyes I'd rolled into the back of her head those summer nights so long ago went off like firecrackers.

“I don't care,” she said, defiant as ever. “I've been thinking about the past. About us. You told me to back off after the horrible things that happened that night. I don't blame you. But I can't stay away forever, Jackson. I haven't forgotten. I tried. I can't. I can't forget you.”

That shit struck deep, found its target somewhere deep inside me, and exploded. If it wasn't for the nervous tremor in her voice, I would've believed every word.

Maybe I would've grabbed her, thrown her against my chest, and held her the way I'd started to when I took those trips to Seddon for more than club biz. Maybe I would've pushed my lips on hers, searching for the spark I'd smothered for three f*ckin' years, trying to find out if I was still human.

I didn't. Something about her voice was strange, off by half an octave, strained. Off.

Something that stank like desperate bullshit.

“Jackson, please,” she whined again, when I went too long without giving her an answer. “I can't forget, I'm telling you –“

“I can, Summertime.” Pain criss-crossed her face like spiderwebs when I called her that name. “You wanna use names you really shouldn't around here, then so will I.”

Her lips popped open, shocked and kissable as ever. I pushed my palm against her mouth, held her face, silencing her.

“Go the f*ck home, Summer. There's nothing here for you. The shit we had three summers ago – it's as dead as my poor f*ckin' brother. So's the man you knew. Last warning you're gonna get.”

“Joker...Jackson...” She looked at me intently, her bright green eyes going dark. “Goddamn, why do you have to be so stubborn? Is it asking too much to just sit down and have a drink with me? We shared something once...something beautiful. You're hurting, and so am I, ever since you left me alone that night. We can talk this out. We can catch up. Maybe we can find each other again.”

No. Fuck no.

I reached for her shoulders and pulled her in. Pressed her against the muck caked all over me, ruining the shit outta that pretty little blouse covering up her body.

First, she gasped. Then she squirmed while I held her, fighting me, whimpering in disbelief.

“No. We. Can't,” I whispered. If she didn't understand what I said with words, then the dirt would make her.

This woman had already taken a roll in the dirt with a bastard. She'd been lucky to walk away with nothing but bitter dirt, rather than blood.

Wasn't changing. Wasn't f*ckin' letting her open me up, get back in my blood, and heat everything to a thousand degrees 'til I did stupid, dangerous shit that could get her killed. Hell, maybe me and my brothers, too.

She fought with her hands, slapping my chest, trying to stop the muck from getting all over her.

Too damned late. Her fight was easy. Mine, it was all on the inside, and it burned like a nuclear fire.

Took everything I had to keep from cracking, to hold my f*ckin' dick down, as soon as I felt those perfect tits I'd had a dozen times pressed up against me.

Fuck, a dozen times too many. I let go.

Summer flew backward and banged against the car door when I pushed her away.

“Fucking *! I drove all this way for this? What the hell is wrong with you?”

“You know damned well what,” I snarled, giving her one last jagged look before I turned my back.

Had to leave her. Let sleeping f*ckin' dogs f*ckin' lie.

Had to let her fade away one more time.

“Lion, Tin, let the woman out. Make sure she never gets back inside these gates.”

The two new brothers looked at me. Had to be watching the whole ugly scene, even if they didn't know shit about it.

“You got it, Veep,” Tin said, getting up from his bench. Both brothers disappeared behind me, heading out there to make sure the little girl I'd left behind never showed her face here again.

Wouldn't let myself look back. No goddamned regrets.

She had to stay buried. Deep in old, evil, blood soaked ground.

Same as everything else , 'til it was time for the brothers to kill the bastards who'd murdered Freddy. Even then, nobody had the full picture.

God willing, they never would. Nobody needed the fine details that ripped my f*ckin' heart out, nobody except the Prez. Dust did a noble lie for the club, for me.