Never Far Away (The Never #2)(56)
“Porter, I think Ella makes a good point,” the doctor added. “In order to heal from all this, you need to start considering yourself a victim as well. Now, that doesn’t mean you need to wallow, but you need to feel it with Ella and try not to remove yourself from what happened. Like she said, it happened to you too. If you spend time and energy on feeling guilty, you’ll be wasting time and energy that could have been spent on other things. Like love and being with Ella without the confines that the guilt brings upon the relationship.”
“What does that mean exactly, Dr. Evans?”
“Well, if Porter is constantly feeling guilt over his perceived blame for your injuries, he cannot be fully invested in the relationship. The guilt and the blame will always be lurking under the surface and eventually he might start to resent the fact that he cannot be fully happy with you, that he will always have these feelings.” Ella looked over at Porter and noticed he was deep in thought.
This was not what she had anticipated. She had been prepared to defend her relationship with Porter, to explain that even though they hadn’t actually been together for a significant amount of time, that their commitment to each other was solid. She still believed this to be true. However, to hear the doctor tell her that Porter’s issues with his guilt may, in the end, cause them to drift apart, made her pulse race. She couldn’t lose Porter, wouldn’t. As if a switch had been flipped, something within her snapped into place, some piece that had been missing. There was absolutely no way she was going to let someone else’s action come in between them. Porter had fought so hard for her and now it was her turn to fight for him. To fight for them.
“I don’t resent Ella for any of this,” Porter said, quietly.
“And that’s good,” the doctor started. “But that doesn’t mean that after a prolonged period of feeling guilty, you might not start to resent the relationship.” Porter turned to look at Ella.
“I could never resent you for anything that’s happened. None of it was your fault.”
“None of it was your fault either, Porter. You need to listen to Dr. Evans. I need you to listen to her and to listen to me. I can’t lose you, Porter. This is important.” Porter was quiet for a moment, obviously lost in thought. He turned towards the doctor with a question.
“Dr. Evans, can I ask you something?”
“Sure. Go ahead.”
“As we stated earlier, Ella and I met and fell in love rather quickly. Her family had a hard time accepting our relationship because of the timeframe. I have absolutely no doubt that Ella and I were supposed to meet and fall in love at the beach. My life is changed because of her and I wouldn’t go back for anything. What I want to know is this: From your professional standpoint, are there any issues that could arise from Ella and me entering into our relationship so quickly and continuing to move forward with each other.”
“What do you mean by move forward?” Dr. Evans asked with her head cocked to one side.
“Well, I mean advance in our relationship. Ella and I are going to move in together and we’re going to build a house. Do you think it’s too soon?” Dr. Evans contemplated Porter’s question and seemed to move in her seat to make herself more comfortable.
“When I think about healthy and stable relationships, I am not thinking about length of time together or how long they’ve been dating. I think about communication, mutual respect, and intimacy,” the doctor explained, looking both Ella and Porter in the eyes. “If you feel like Ella is someone you want to be with and she reciprocates those feelings, as long as you both have those things, there shouldn’t be any concern with the amount of time you’ve been together. You are placing other people’s expectations and confines of traditional relationships on your own and that could cause harm where there is no need or concern for it. Let me ask you this, Porter. Do you feel obsessive towards Ella? Are you finding it hard to focus on work or your day to day activities? Do you find yourself making rash decisions or doing things that are uncharacteristic of yourself in order to see her or be with her?”
“I think about her all the time, but not in an obsessive way. I think about her in a loving way. Just about how lucky I am to have found her and then found her again, despite all the obstacles. I think about our future, whether it be in the distance or what we’re going to do that evening. I think about how beautiful she is and how I’ve never wanted to be with anyone like I want to be with her.” Porter paused for a moment, and Ella grasped his hand tighter. “I have rearranged my life for her, but only because it isn’t my life anymore – it’s ours.”
Dr. Evans looked over at Ella and let Porter’s words sink in. “Ella, what about you? Are you obsessive about Porter? Are you making rash decisions?”
Ella looked over at him. She could see in his face how much he needed to hear that what they were doing wasn’t crazy. That even though they had all the odds stacked against them, they would make it through to their forever.
“The only thing out of the ordinary about our relationship is the time factor, that our feelings for each other have progressed so quickly. Besides that, and the whole amnesia thing,” Ella said with a wave of her hand, “everything is as it should be. We are enjoying each other, getting to know each other, learning about each other. The only difference between what Porter and I have and any other relationship, is that I know, with more surety and certainty than I have ever known anything else, that there is nothing I am going to learn about Porter that will change my mind about being with him forever. I know all the important stuff. At this point, the rest of it is just noise.”