Never Doubt Me: Judge Me Not #2(65)

I’m really at a loss as to how to soothe my girl, but I try by saying, “I’m sure Missy will have another chance to be a mom.” I cup Kay’s chin and urge her to look up at me. When her eyes meet mine, I add, “And you’ll have your chance, too.”

“I know,” she replies, nodding into my grasp. “And, to be honest, I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately.”

“What have you been thinking?” I ask carefully.

“That I can’t wait to have a baby with you, Chase.”

Suddenly, Kay’s mouth snaps shut, like maybe she’s said too much. But I’m more on board that train of thought than she may realize. First, though, I need to make sure this is what she really wants.

I press my back into the couch cushions and peer down at her. “You sure you really want to have a baby with me?”

She smacks my arm, and I’m happy I’ve finally gotten her to smile. “Of course, Chase. I love you.”

I grab her up in my arms and kiss her. Then as I press my lips to the soft skin on her neck, I murmur, “I love you, too.”

But there’s more I want to say.

When my lips still, Kay tenses.

“What?” She leans back.

My eyes flick to hers. “It’s nothing bad. I was just wondering when you would want to have this baby of ours.”

Her red-rimmed caramels widen. “Um, I don’t know.” She searches my eyes, like she’s looking for guidance, but I’m open to whatever she wants. “Down the road, I guess?”

“Is that a question?” I ask her. “Or your answer?”

She shrugs, and I ask outright, “Kay, would you rather have a baby sooner than, as you say, ‘down the road’?”

She whispers, “Chase, what are you saying?”

I don’t know how to put into words all the things I feel for this woman. But I’ve known for quite some time that I want to make a baby with Kay, all the way back to the day she showed me the journals she keeps to remind her of Sarah. I long to make a life with her still, partly to make up for all she’s lost. But it’s so much more than that. When I dig deep, down into my soul, I know I want this, too. I long to create life with the woman who has shown me living is possible. And not just that it is possible, but that living can be good.

I want this for me, for her—for us. I want this for the baby we can make together and for the love we’d shower on that child.

With all this in mind, in an uncharacteristically shaky voice, I ask Kay, “Would it be so terrible if we didn’t wait?”

She presses her lips together, like she’s contemplating. “It’d be great, Chase,” she says slowly. “But it’s not going to happen anytime soon. I got the Depo shot back in June, remember?”

Shit. Who would’ve ever thought I’d be cursing responsible birth control? Not me. But I am.

Rubbing the back of my neck, I want to know, “When are you supposed to get another shot?”

Kay looks off to the side and, I assume, calculates the weeks. “The end of September,” she states after a beat.

I arch a brow. “So…don’t get it.”

“Chase,” she breathes out, “I don’t know. I mean, I want to spend my life with you, have kids with you—all of those things. But we’re not even married.”

Ah, so there’s the cause of her hesitation. Hell, I can take care of that shit right now. It may not be ideal, but sometimes you have to grab the opportunity.

Smiling and holding Kay’s gaze, I slip down to the floor. She shoots me a concerned look as I position myself on my knees. Then, facing the woman I love with everything I am, I take her hands in mine.

“I know this is half-assed and less than ideal, but…” I trail off, and when I look up, her eyes are tearing. But not from sadness like before. No, these are happy tears.

My own vision blurs a little, but I forge on. “Make me a happy man, Kay Stanton. Be my wife. Let’s get married, and then we’ll have babies. Or let’s have babies, and then we’ll get married. However you want to do it, sweet girl, is fine by me.”

“You’re really asking me to marry you?”

“Yes, I am. I love you, Kay. Say you’ll marry me. I’ll get you a ring, I promise. And I’ll ask you again, do it all fancy like, if that’s what you want. But say yes right now. Say you’ll marry me. Let me love you forever.”

She nods, once, twice. She keeps nodding, even as she’s sliding to the floor next to me. She then tells me what I want to hear: “Yes.”

I brush her hair back with both of my hands. While my thumbs swipe at the tears on her cheeks, I check to make sure I heard her correctly. “Really? You’ll marry me?”

She nods in my hands. “Yes, of course.”

“Say it again,” I whisper, my lips nearing hers.

“Yes.”

“Again,” I insist, inching closer.

“Yes, Chase. Yes, yes!”

My lips capture hers, and I kiss her, her lips, her cheeks, and right down her beautiful neck. I cover her skin with my love. And though there’s no chance of making a baby tonight, I insist we should practice.

Kay giggles and agrees. “We should definitely practice a lot.” She pulls me to her, whispering against my lips, “And I think we should get started as soon as possible.”