Never Doubt Me: Judge Me Not #2(63)

I have a feeling “watched” means something more like “jacked off,” but that’s neither here nor there. I’m still processing the fact that Nick is the father. And he’s obviously known long enough for him to appear comfortable with his impending role.

But why would Missy lie to me?

“Missy said the father didn’t know,” I mumble to myself.

Hearing me, Nick touches my arm lightly. “Missy told me over a week ago that she’s pregnant. I was mad at first, but then…” He trails off. “It took me a few days, but I came to terms with the idea of being a dad. And now I’m actually kind of excited about the whole thing.”

Nick smiles, a genuine smile, and I feel happy for him and happy for Missy. Maybe they’ll get to know each other better and end up becoming a family. Crazier things have happened. But even if that doesn’t occur, I’m happy for their child that Nick wants to be a part of his or her life.

“You’re going to be a great dad,” I say to Nick, since it seems like that might be just what he needs to hear right now.

The saddest smile crosses his face, though. “I just hope I have a chance, Kay. I pray the baby is okay.”

“Yeah”—I place my hand on his forearm—“me too.”

We step into the waiting room, where things have quieted. We find two empty seats, and as I sit down, I suddenly realize something: Missy told me Tony was the father in order to protect my feelings, seeing as I used to date Nick. I just wish she’d figured out that I never would have been mad or upset. Maybe she was hesitant to share the truth due to my reaction when I found out she and Chase had hooked up. But that was so completely different. My feelings for Nick never ran deep like they do for Chase.

Still, as a friend, I will always have fond feelings for Nick.

I glance over at him now and nudge his shoulder with mine. “Hey, you should be back there with Missy.”

He’s thumbing through a magazine, not really looking at the pages. “You think it’d be okay?”

I take the magazine from his hands. “Yes, of course it’s okay. She’s carrying your baby. That makes you the baby’s family.”

The mention of family makes Nick smile. But just as he stands, Mrs. Metzger rushes into the waiting room. Her face is red, and her eyes are bloodshot, like she’s been crying—hard.

Nick and I go to her. We support her on either side as she crumples.

“What is it?” I ask. “Oh, God, is Missy…?”

I’m thinking the worst—that Missy has died—but Mrs. Metzger is shaking her head.

“No, no, Missy is fine. She’ll recover.” Her eyes slide from me, then settle on Nick. “The baby, though,” she gasps, “the baby didn’t…”

Mrs. Metzger breaks down, and Nick swallows so loudly I can hear it.

“The baby is…” Nick whispers, unable to say the words, just as Mrs. Metzger couldn’t.

Missy’s mom looks at Nick and just cries harder.

I don’t need to hear the words to know Missy has lost her baby.

Suddenly, this overwhelming sense of sadness and loss washes over me, like I’m the one who’s lost something. In a way, I guess I did. The thought of a new life growing in Missy had me feeling hopeful. I hadn’t really put it into words, but Missy’s baby was a reminder to me that life is not just about loss. There are new beginnings, new chances to start over. Missy was starting over herself, turning her life around for her baby. And the baby was already such a part of how I envisioned Missy down the road, she and her child together, two, not one.

I was truly excited to get to know this new little person. But now, I will never, ever have that chance.

I want to go to Missy and comfort her. I long to comfort her mom, too. And Nick sure looks in need of support. But just then, Mrs. Metzger leans more heavily on Nick, their shared grief joining them.

I step away to give them some space. Wrapping my arms around myself, I feel like I could use some comforting as well. But comfort won’t be found here. My comfort is at home, where Chase is waiting for me. I can’t wait to see him, to have him wrap his arms around me. He finds it hard to believe, but he gives my life meaning and clarity. He makes things right.

I’ve done so well these past few weeks. The despair and grief that shaded my life for so long—over the death of my sister, Sarah—has lessened due to Chase. He brings me joy and shows me there is beauty in life, like he’s told me I do for him. But most important, he gives me life.

This sad turn of events is a reminder of how fragile life is, how things can change in an instant. One minute a life exists, growing and flourishing, and in just a second, that life can be extinguished.

Taken away, and gone forever.





Chapter Fifteen


Chase


After I finish talking on the phone with Kay, I toss my cell to the kitchen table and go back into the living room, where Will is watching TV.

Turning the volume down, he immediately asks, “Is that Missy girl going to be all right?”

I plop down on the couch next to him. “Not sure,” I respond. “Kay’s waiting to get word from Missy’s mom.”

“Is it true she’s pregnant?” Will asks quietly.

I look over at him. “How do you know that?”