Nemesis(17)

I hope I can do it because right now, walking away isn’t an option.

*****

We can’t keep our eyes off one another.

Every time he walks by, every time his office door opens, our gazes just connect. I wonder if he’s thinking about last night, because I sure am. It’s all I can think about. I don’t even know how it happened. Cohen just wanted to be around me, so he came over, and then we pretty much couldn’t keep our hands off each other. Even now, the sexual tension between us is thick; each look he gives me tempts me to lock myself in his office and let him have his way with me.

This is bad. Very bad.

He’s wearing a white shirt again, and I daydream about ripping it off him, buttons flying everywhere. I shift on my seat, suddenly very uncomfortable. After spending the whole night f*cking him, I want more so soon? We had sex three times last night, and I came about five times. I didn’t even know I was capable of that.

Cohen, Cohen, Cohen.

I force myself to be productive, trying to push him out of my mind. When lunchtime comes around, however, I want to do a happy dance. When Cohen appears at my desk, I grab my bag, ready to head out, until he says, “I have to cancel lunch today. One of my clients just rang me from prison and I have to leave now. Rain check?”

I try to hide my disappointment. “Yeah, sure.”

“Can you reschedule my two o’clock? I don’t think I’ll make it back in time.”

I nod. “Sure.”

He opens his mouth, the one I was kissing just hours before, but then closes it, deciding not to say whatever it is on his mind. “I’ll see you later.”

“Bye.”

I grab my bag and head out to lunch alone, to my usual spot. I order my hamburger and fries, and my chocolate cake.

Then I sit back and wonder why it doesn’t satisfy me like it used to.

*****

I’m home alone when Cohen shows up at my house again that night. Sadie’s staying the night at Ian’s house.

“Is this going to become a regular thing?” I ask, opening the door.

“Don’t act like you don’t enjoy it,” he says, flashing me his dimple. He lifts his arm, which has containers of Chinese food hanging from it in a plastic bag. “And I brought you food.”

I close the door and follow him into the kitchen.

“I brought some for Sadie too.”

“She’s at Ian’s,” I tell him, smiling as he puts the food down and pulls me against him. “Is this you making up for lunch?”

He nods and buries his face in my neck. “We need to have a talk.”

“About what?” I ask, suspicion lacing my tone. “Is this another ‘no commitment’ conversation?”

He lifts his head and studies me, then leads me to my couch, sitting down first before pulling me on top of him. “Are you okay with that?”

“With us sleeping together but having no commitment to each other?” I clarify with him. “Is this just a ‘no label’ type of thing?”

“Not exactly,” he replies, hands gripping my hips. “It means that we’re not together, Jacinta. I don’t want a relationship right now. I don’t want a girlfriend or anything like that.”

I already gathered that from our last conversation, so I’m curious about what he’s getting to here. “I know that, Cohen.”

“It means we’re not exclusive,” he says, clearing his throat.

Oh.

Ohhhhh.

I blink.

Open my mouth, then slam it shut.

“So, what you’re saying is you want to f*ck me, and f*ck other women too, and you want me to know and be okay with it?”

“What I’m saying is that we aren’t together, so the option is open. We don’t belong to each other,” he continues, infuriating me further.

“So, you don’t care if I f*ck other men?” I ask, my head reeling. Is this modern-day dating? If it is, someone please take me back in time. Or is he counting on me being the good woman that I am, only wanting one man, while he gets to f*ck around? On one hand, I appreciate the honesty, but on the other … Why do I attract all the dickheads?

Wait a minute… “So when is the last time you slept with another woman?”

He tightens his grip on me.

“Cohen?”

“Maybe two weeks ago,” he admits, eyes scanning mine. “Don’t overthink everything, Jacinta. We’re amazing in bed, I want you, I’ll treat you well and we enjoy spending time together.”

Why does it feel like a pretend relationship? Or is it more like an open relationship?

“What happened to you?” I blurt out, wondering what made him this way. Is this normal? I feel bad after I say it, because I guess it’s just his lifestyle choice. Not everyone believes in monogamy and all that. Am I being close-minded? Fuck, now he even has me questioning myself. I’m not a judgemental person, I’m not. To each their own, I always say, but I don’t know how to react to this right now. When he said ‘no commitment,’ I didn’t really think about the exclusivity. I didn’t think about it because when I see someone, I only see them. What’s the point of being with more than one person? If I’m with someone, it’s because I like them in some way, because I want them over every other man I know.