Moonlight's Ambassador (Aileen Travers Book 3)(58)

I crossed my arms over my stomach to hide the tremble in my hands as I stared at the bodies. There were times you had to bite the bullet and do the things that were hard. When you screwed-up as badly as I had, it meant sucking it up and doing what needed to be done, sacrificing if necessary. It was the only way to make amends.

"From Thomas. You'll take blood from your sire's vein," Liam said, making his demands clear, his gaze drilling into the top of my head.

My head lifted in surprise, and my mouth parted in denial before I bit it back. "What would be the repercussions of such an act?"

His expression softened. "Does it really matter?"

Did it?

My lips firmed. "No, but I still want to know."

Caroline was worth the sacrifice, and if it meant I didn't have to stand at another scene like this one, I'd take the chance.

"It will strengthen you and give you the ability to stay awake longer while the sun is up." He hesitated before continuing. "It will deepen your connection with your sire—bring it more into line with what it should be."

"Will he be able to control me?" I asked through numb lips. "I've heard that a sire can compel their yearlings."

Liam's gaze went to Brax and his wolves.

"I'll bring Lisa by before sunrise," Brax said before stalking off into the night, his two wolves shadowing him.

Liam waited until the three were well out of hearing range before answering me. "It might, though you have shown a surprising resilience to any form of influence."

The way he said that made me think he’d tried at some point only to fail.

"Most sires form some sort of connection with their yearlings; the form of that connection depends on both the sire's needs and the yearling's strengths."

"How much control did your sire have over you?" I asked, my voice calmer than my mental state, which had turned into a gibbering fool begging me not to consider this.

"I was not a typical case," Liam said after a long pause.

My gaze went to Nathan. "How about you?"

Nathan looked from me to Liam. "He could compel me to act against my will if necessary."

"Still? He could do that still?" I asked, not looking at either of them.

"It would be much harder than it would have been a few centuries ago," Nathan said. "But that is not how the relationship is typically handled between sire and yearling. Most only use the compulsion to help the yearling gain control in the first few years."

"But not all?"

There was another hesitation. "No, there are cases where such a relationship is abused."

That was the way of the world. The strong taking advantage of those who couldn't protect themselves. I never thought I'd be the one who couldn't protect myself.

I looked at Liam, fear in my eyes. "You're asking me to trust someone who has never shown me he deserves it. If I drink from him and he gains control, there is nothing preventing him from taking over all aspects of my life."

He could force me into a clan, get me to quit my job. Hell, he could force me to kill my family, and there would be little I could do to stop it.

"I know you don't believe me right now, but Thomas isn't like that. I can't guarantee he'll never compel you, but he'll do it only when it's in your best interests."

That was little comfort. I hate when people say “it's for your own good”. That's like saying you're too stupid to know what's best for you. Maybe what I've chosen, while not the smartest way, is the way that works for me. My entire life I've been a square peg trying to fit into a round hole, and I'm tired of it. Going my own way, while difficult and often dangerous, was still better than giving up who I am for a false sense of safety.

A small part of me wanted to refuse. It was only a day's difference; it couldn't matter that much in the grand scheme of things. Only, I knew battles were won in moments. Show up just a few minutes too late and you might arrive just in time to pick your dead off the ground. Every second counted, and I wouldn't do anything to knowingly prolong this. Not when Caroline's mental and physical wellbeing were at stake.

I looked away, not willing to argue his words. It would accomplish nothing.

"Do you need me here for this next part, or can I wait in the car?"

Liam looked like he wanted to say more as he examined the set of my face. He sighed and then nodded, gesturing at Nathan to accompany me.

We didn't speak as we headed to the car. Eric had managed to accomplish a minor miracle in this neighborhood and snagged a parking spot just down the street. I opened the back door and slid over until I was sitting on the opposite side of the car from where the murders had taken place while Nathan climbed into the front passenger seat.

"Aileen."

"I don't want to talk about it," I said, staring out the window. "Talking about it won't help."

There was a sigh. "Alright. I can understand that."

Good. The rest of the time passed in silence as I stared out at the buildings in front of me, wishing my life was different.

*

Eric parked in front of the mansion, he and Nathan exiting the vehicle without a word, leaving Liam and me sitting in the darkness. Liam was motionless, his eyes on me. I didn't bother looking at him, not in the mood to argue, or banter, or whatever it was we did.