Master No (Masters and Mercenaries, #9)(109)

He shook his head. “No. Not for a second and I don’t trust her not to try something stupid. So I haven’t slept either.”

Perhaps it was time to start acting like the person she wanted to be. After everything that had happened, no one would blame her for turning cynical. She could turn her back on the world and everyone who heard her story would understand. In some ways, it would be easier. Scar tissue could make a body tough. It didn’t feel pain the way healthy tissue did. She could let her wounds scar over and not feel again.

Or she could be something more.

“I can’t sleep either. I’ll stay up with her.”

Hutch shook his head. “Sorry, Doc. I put my money on her in a fight. Hell, she could probably take me, but at least I’m trained.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Hutch.” Erin didn’t move from her spot.

“Which is exactly what you would say if you were going somewhere,” he replied with a sigh.

“Please. Let me talk to her alone.” Faith found one of the candles Erin had apparently snuffed out and relit it with the box of matches on Hutch’s desk. The room was filled with soft light as she lit a few more.

“All right but if she leaves this house, Ten’s going to…” Hutch stopped as though realizing what he was about to say. Too soon. It was far too soon to joke about killing anyone. “Please don’t leave, Erin.”

“I’m not going anywhere. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but there’s a storm outside. We can’t get back to Dallas until it breaks.” Erin’s words came out in a monotone.

“I’m going to put on a pot of coffee and pray there’s a Diet Coke somewhere in this place.” Hutch nodded. “Call out if you need anything.”

He moved toward the doors that led to the kitchen, and she was alone with Erin.

“You got something you want to say, Doc?”

There was the tough girl. Faith was fairly certain the tough girl wasn’t an act. There was a hard core to the woman that formed her personality. More scars. She wasn’t sure where they’d come from in Erin’s case, but now she could see them.

Scars could be removed. Oh, they’d try to come back and some people formed them more easily than others, but they could be cleaned away for new tissue to grow in the hopes that the patient would regain sensation, feeling.

“I’m not leaving.” Erin finally turned around, her arms crossed over her chest. More protection. More defense. “Everyone thinks I’m going to do something stupid, but I won’t. We’ve had enough stupidity today.”

“I’m so sorry about Theo.”

Erin shrugged. “Yeah, well, he was stupid. I believe I told him what would happen. No one ever f*cking listens to me.”

Her voice was flat, as though she was talking about Theo losing at some board game instead of his life. This was how Erin would deal with Theo’s death. She would shut down, close it off, try to make herself believe it didn’t matter because he’d been the only person in the world she could be vulnerable with. With Theo gone, Erin would lose her connection to the world because she didn’t make friends easily.

Like Ten. Like Faith herself.

She couldn’t leave Erin alone. She couldn’t.

She moved closer. She had to be careful because Erin wasn’t going to like this. “I forgive you.”

A single brow arched as Erin stared at her. “For what? For lying to you? That’s cool, Doc, but you should really be more pissed about that. Hey, I guess if Theo dropping means I get a free pass I should go with it, but you really don’t have to. I’d do it again. I’ll do whatever the mission takes, and if that means serving your pretty ass up to my boss, I’ll do it. That’s who I am.”

Poor Erin. Most people would see a cold, hard woman standing in front of them, but Faith saw someone who hurt so much she couldn’t acknowledge the pain. It was the most dangerous of all wounds. The one that didn’t register. The patient would look down, see the gaping hole in their body, but the brain wasn’t capable of handling that kind of pain. It would misfire, attempt to spare the body in its last moments. Pain unfortunately had its place. Pain could cleanse. If a body could still feel pain, it was capable of healing as well.

“I’m sorry about Theo.” Tears had formed. God, it felt good. Faith had been numb. She’d been stuck in that moment and it hadn’t been real. None of it had been real, but it happened. He’d died. Ten had been tortured. Her father was a monster. It was real and she had to face it.

For the first time, Erin’s face changed from the bland, blank expression to something like trepidation. “Good for you, Doc. Why don’t you go cry somewhere else? I want to be alone.”

Erin would be alone for the rest of her life if someone didn’t break through to her. Faith wasn’t sure it was her place, but she seemed to be Erin’s only real friend beyond Theo. Erin laughed and joked with others, but she’d been real with Faith. It hadn’t all been a lie and Faith wouldn’t throw it away because it hadn’t come in the perfect form.

“I’m so sorry about Theo.” She could barely see Erin as she walked toward her.

Erin backed away. “Don’t you do this to me.”

“You can’t cry so I’ll do it for you. Because we’re friends. You were right. I was mad at you and Ten because I loved you.” She stopped in front of Erin, searching her friend’s face. “I do love you and I’m so sorry about Theo.”