Master No (Masters and Mercenaries, #9)(103)

“I was going to get into a building that was guarded mostly by technological means,” he explained. “The minute your father showed up, we were outgunned and Theo should have called his brother and handed over the operation to him. Theo has never been in charge in the field. The only reason he was my second was this was never supposed to end in combat.”

“He couldn’t leave you.”

“He should have. He should have gone back to the States and let his brother deal with the problem.”

Faith stood there, shaking her head as though she couldn’t understand what he was saying. “I can’t believe you’re being so cold about this.”

“Cold? You think I’m being cold? Baby, you don’t want to know how I really feel about what happened out there. You don’t want to hear me scream. Do you think for a second I don’t want to use this storm as cover? I’ve already planned it out in my head. I can see the op. They’ll have to leave the guards on the inside because of the weather and that will make them soft. I’ll watch and the minute I can, I’ll slip inside and take out whoever’s in my way. No guns. They’re too loud. I personally prefer a knife. More personal. If you’re going to gut a man, you should have to look him in the eyes, you know. I’ll sneak up the back stairs. Your father’s room is at the back of the house. He’ll have a few guards on him, but no one will be expecting anything tonight. They think we’ll lick our wounds. So they won’t expect me to slit their throats. And then, oh then, I can spend some time with your father. He owes me a debt. I could collect it tonight.”

He’d played the scenario out in his head over and over. As he’d watched Faith pulling out a bullet from Nick, he’d thought about how he could mount her father’s head on a wall somewhere, an eternal sign that he’d taken down the real predator.

In the end, he’d decided nothing mattered. Revenge wouldn’t bring Jamie back. It wouldn’t raise Des and Theo from the ground. It would simply get the rest of them killed.

When she was safe, when Faith was in the care of people he trusted, then he could go back, then he could do what he needed to do.

The only person he would risk from here on out was himself. There would be no happy McKay-Taggart job waiting for him. Not after he’d gotten a Taggart killed. There would be no little family for him or invites to dinners. He was done. He would walk away at the end of this because no matter how much he loved her, he wasn’t good for anyone. He was the reason she was in the position she was in. He was going to cost her everything. Her family. Her memories. They would always be tainted now.

He’d cost her and had nothing to give in return. No family. No future. Just death and retribution.

“You sound very ruthless right now, Ten.” She’d taken a step back.

“I am. Don’t underestimate me, Faith. Did your father give you a file on me?”

She nodded. “I’m sure it was lies.”

“And that proves how na?ve you are. Don’t you know the best cover is always the truth? Did he tell you I was a killer? Because I am. Did he tell you I’ve sent men like Theo Taggart out to die more times than I can count? Because I have. Did he tell you I’m not a man who stays? Because I won’t.”

“Why? You said you loved me.”

“My love doesn’t mean very much,” he replied with all the honesty he had. “Take your shower. I’ll be on the couch. We move out the minute this storm blows over.”

He turned and strode into the bedroom. He could hear Faith turning on the shower.

Every muscle in his body ached. He ached.

Fuck. Why had Theo done it? Why the f*ck hadn’t he called his brother? Why the f*ck hadn’t Theo let the goddamn Chinese take him? It wasn’t a fair exchange.

It was one more punishment. He got to live knowing he was alive because some shiny happy kid who could have had a future was dead. He was a piece of shit and he was walking around while Theo was lying in the rain.

He hadn’t even gotten Theo’s body. He’d had to tell Ian Taggart his brother had been left behind. He’d had Hutch open a line and despite the fact that it had been a rough connection, Ian had been able to hear. The op had gone to hell and Ten had lost two of Big Tag’s operatives. God, he’d cost Theo his life.

“Understood.” It was all Ian had said before the line had gone out. One word, but there had been an arctic chill to it.

Ian had been his only friend for so long. Ten hadn’t been a particularly good friend. He didn’t really understand how to be. Spending all these months at McKay-Taggart had changed him. They didn’t run like the Agency. They might work in the shadows from time to time, but they didn’t live in them. He finally understood why Taggart had walked away from his job.

He’d wanted a life. He’d wanted a place where he didn’t treat men and women like chess pieces, deciding who to keep and lose based on how the game was going.

It was all Ten knew. It was the only place he fit.

The shower turned off. She’d moved quickly. He tried not to imagine her naked. The funny thing was he wasn’t thinking about sex. His dick wasn’t engaged at all. It might never work again after what they did to him. He was thinking about the feel of her skin against his, the warmth he would feel when she wrapped herself around him. He hadn’t realized how cold he’d been until he met her.