Making the Cut (Sons of Templar MC #1)(119)
“After our fight I was pissed. Pissed with you, pissed with myself. I was angry with you because you were right. I don’t regret that he is dead, especially when we are going to have a little girl, I don’t want her walking the same earth as him.” His eyes blazed with protection for our unborn daughter. Something warm settled in my gut.
“But I know how you feel, what you meant. I want our child to be proud of me. I will protect you both with my last breath, won’t let anything hurt you. But I won’t let the taint of what I have done enter our house. Our family. I promise you that. Anyway, I got drunk. The club was having a party, but I stayed away and chose a bottle of Jack for company. I sat for hours thinking of everything, wanting to go back to you, but I was too f*cking proud. Baby it has haunted my dreams for 63 days that I didn’t go back to you, I’ll never forgive myself. I dragged my sorry and drunk ass to bed. I did that alone Gwen. I swear to you.” His face was right in front of mine, eyes not wavering. I believed him, with every inch of me I believed him. I opened my mouth to tell him that but he put his hand to my lips.
“Let me finish baby. The next thing I know I was waking up to my beautiful girl telling me the best news I have every heard and making me the happiest son of a bitch on earth. Then the whore skulked out from the bathroom. The look on your face Gwen, I swear to god I’ll never forget it. You broke. Right there in front of me. Later on I found out the f*ckin slut walked in not long before you arrived. Bull told me. Saw her sneak in, drew the wrong conclusions. But she must’ve picked my tee of the floor, used the bathroom then stayed in there, chose her moment when you got there.” His words were laced with fury and I could tell even now, two months later his anger with still blazing.
“Never wanted to lay a hand on a women so much my entire life. Wanted to f*cking kill the bitch.” He spat.
“But you didn’t.” It wasn’t a question. I knew he wouldn’t.
“No. As much as I wanted to, handed her over to Rosie and Evie instead.” He smiled without humor.
I raised a brow but said nothing, I would so be ringing Rosie tomorrow.
Cade tightened his arms around me then kept going. “Then I saw you baby, you collapsing in my arms, hearing you fall apart, thinking I was watching you lose our child.” He shuddered. “Thought I had died and gone to hell. Got a respite when I heard our baby’s heartbeat for the first time. That was until I saw nothing on your face. Heard the lack of emotion in your voice. You are the most vibrant person I know, and that just disappeared. You disappeared. You were a shell Gwen. Scared the shit out of me. You leaving me outside that hospital damn near ruined me. Wanted to kill my brothers, myself. Anyone that was responsible for me not being by your f*cking side when you put your brother in the ground.” His words bit through me and the pain was so sharp it surprised me. I couldn’t have this.
“Cade.” I whispered softly, brokenly.
“No baby. Will never forgive myself you had to do this without me, I couldn’t be there to shield you protect you best I could. Watch you grow with my baby in you. It’s all on me. And the decisions and the club that led me here.”
“Stop.” I commanded firmly. “Stop doing that, blaming yourself. The club. They are your family. And just like any family they have their downfalls, but no matter what they love you. Things are going in a different direction now right?” Cade said nothing just nodded stiffly.
“We can’t change the past.” I said quietly. “I would give anything to have that ability. But I can’t. We just have to live every day in the present. I love you. I don’t blame you for anything. You are the reason I’m not falling into a thousand little pieces right now, you are holding me together.”
“You are the one doing that babe. I’m in f*ckin awe of you.” Cades mouth covered mine and he was inside me the next moment. We didn’t say another word for the rest of the night.
Chapter 19
I was humming contentedly the next morning, pouring pancake batter into the pan, sneaking glances at Cade who was sipping coffee and reading the paper. It was such a domestic situation, one that I never saw myself in, but one that felt completely natural. Grey eyes met mine. “Concentrate on the pancakes Gwen, I don’t want you burning yourself. Or my breakfast.” He teased.
“Stop distracting me then.” I snapped.
“I’m readin the paper how is that distracting?”
“You’re just being all sexy and irresistible and its distracting okay?” I declared, my hormones telling me to jump him on my parent’s kitchen table.
His eyes darkened as he read the desire in mine.
“Pregnant and barefoot in the kitchen Gwen? I’d never thought I’d see the day.” Amy walked into the kitchen pouring herself a cup of coffee, smirking between Cade and I.
“You watch you mouth if you want pancakes Abrams.” I pointed my spatula at her warningly as she walked over to me, handing the cup of the sweet sweet nectar into my free hand. I brought it up to my face and Cades angry voice stopped me.
“You’re not aloud coffee Gwen!” He growled, looking as if he was going to waltz up and snatch my precious away from me.
I cradled it protectively to my chest. “I know.” I glared at him until I was sure he was staying put. “I just like to smell it.”