Luscious (Topped #1)(55)

She reached up and brushed back his dark hair. “What does that make me? A woman in love with a man.”

He growled and rolled off her. His back was on the grass, one arm thrown over his eyes. “Go away, Ally.”

She sat up, staring down at him. “I can’t.”

“Why the f*ck not?”

“Because I think this is my home.” Because she loved the people around her. She loved what she’d found here. “Macon, I’m so sorry for not telling you who I am, but I think I fell in love with you the minute I saw you. I was afraid I would lose you.”

“You never had me.”

“Of course I did. I think we were more real together than we’ve ever been apart. I like who I was when I was with you.”

His eyes opened slightly. “A liar?”

She sighed. “A woman. I’ve been a scared little girl for so long, but when I was with you, I was finally a woman. The last of that scared girl is gone now so you should know that while I think I’ll love you forever, if you can’t find it in your heart to forgive me, I’ll move on eventually.”

She’d thought about it for the whole two weeks they’d been separated. Every day that had gone by felt like they were further and further apart. She’d even heard he was talking to his father again. He’d told one of the line chefs he might be going back home to New York. She’d come to a decision. Her life couldn’t be over because one man refused to forgive her. She had to value herself. She had to be meaningful and that meant forgiving. Forgiving him for being too broken. Forgiving herself for screwing up.

“Move on now. I want you out. I’ll give you the money for a down payment. I want you gone,” he said stubbornly.

“I don’t want to leave.”

“It’s my family. I get to stay. I want you gone by this weekend and find another job.”

Now he was pushing her too far. “I understand that you’re angry, Macon. I really do. I understand that you’re backed into a corner and you don’t know how to do anything but fight your way out. I’m willing to take some abuse. I really am. I did this. I’m the at-fault party, but if you think for a second I’ll let you force me out of a place that’s good for me, you’re wrong. Maybe you could have before now. Maybe before I met you, loved you, you could have bullied me right out of town, but I’m a different person than the street rat who showed up on your doorstep. I never once used you for information. I gave that up about two weeks in. I slept with you because I loved you. I slept with you because I’ve never wanted a man the way I want you.”

“I can’t look at you and not see your brother. Do you understand that? You’re alone because he chose me over himself. Think about it for two seconds, Sarah, and you’ll be as mad at me as I am at you.”

She sighed. He understood nothing. “My name is Allyson and he did what his heart told him to do. And Macon, he didn’t leave me alone. He left me with you. I don’t believe in coincidence. I believe we walk a road no matter how twisted and broken it is. It leads us where we need to be. We’re the ones who choose to stop, who stay in a place too long or simply give up moving down the road. Ronnie died and I loved him and his death led me to a man I love even more. So get up and walk with me. If you don’t, I’m going to start again. I’ll go without you if I have to because I believe in you, but I recently realized that I believe in me, too. I won’t quit. I love my job and I can go to school during the day.”

Besides attempting to make all the recipes in his mother’s cookbook, she’d spent her time trying to figure out her next move. Her whole life had been about running from the past or taking care of someone else. It was time to build a future with or without Macon.

“School? College?”

“Not all of us made it through West Point. Yeah. I think I’m going to school. I’m going to study business. At first I wanted to because I thought I could help you. You’ll want your own bakery one day. I thought I could learn how to run it so you could concentrate on what you love. Well, maybe I can do it for someone else. I’m learning the restaurant industry. Maybe I can manage one someday. I don’t have to be a street rat the rest of my life. I can be more.”

His face softened and for a moment she thought he would say something sweet to her. Then he closed his eyes again. “I don’t care what you do. If you don’t leave, then I will.”

Tears threatened again. “All right then.”

He huffed and the steel was back in his eyes when he looked at her. “So what? You standing around waiting to help the cripple up?”

She was thinking about kicking him in the ribs. “Nope. I’m sure you’ll manage fine all on your own. Good-bye, Macon. I’ll be out of the house tonight.”

“Tell me how much the down payment is.”

If he was going to be an ass, she definitely wasn’t taking a dime from him. She was sure it would reassure him she was some kind of gold digger. “Nothing. I’ll manage.”

“I don’t want you sleeping in that car again, Allyson,” he called out.

“I guess what you want doesn’t matter anymore.” She walked away, her soul sagging. She watched him through the window. Eventually he managed to struggle to his feet and go back inside.

He didn’t need her help and she was beginning to believe she didn’t need him.