Lucian Divine(47)

“Didn’t they assign Mona to another group?”

“Nah, they let her keep me. My good behavior, I guess. She was in hot water for a while, but that blew over. I also got my couple back, so I’ve been watching you and Evey from across the street. I followed you here. Why’d you take a cab, Lucian? And why aren’t you with her, man? You guys fighting already?”

My hair was getting long. I tucked a strand behind my ear and thought idly that it was strange that my hair was growing. I had been exactly the same for two thousand years. “Now that Evey and I are married, I’m trying to make things seem more normal for her.”

“But it’s not ever going to be normal because of what she knows and what you are.”

“It has to be though. We have to figure out a way. All we’re doing is loving each other. There can’t be anything wrong with that. We should get an award for that. How can it be wrong?”

“Big guy works in mysterious ways.”

I sighed. “I wish people would stop saying that.”

“Lucian, I know it’s getting under your skin—all of those self-righteous angels who scoff at the two you as you walk down the street holding hands. Fuck them. You’re in love with Evey, and that’s all that matters.”

“She’s pregnant,” I said.

He jerked his head back. “Whoa, whoa, whoa, pregnant? Wow. Pregnant?”

“Yes. The doctor confirmed it.”

He was quiet for a minute. “What if it’s like an alien baby?”

“You know there’s no such thing as aliens, but thanks for the heartfelt congratulations, friend.”

“How is it even possible? I’ve never heard of that.”

“Maybe I’m becoming human,” I said, hoping he’d agree.

“I don’t know. So you don’t know how it happened?”

“No clue, except, you know, we did it.” I looked over at him and opened my eyes wide “Yeah, I knew that part; I’m not that inexperienced. But just how is she pregnant?”

“No clue. Maybe I should ask Mona.”

“She won’t know. She knows nothing, except for when it’s time to order coffee filters or who should get fucking cupcakes for their hard work. I asked her about my paycheck last week, and she said that accounting was on vacation, and she’d have to get back to me. Isn’t that like their fifth vacation this year? I swear, it’s a bureaucratic mess up there. Mona says she gets the runaround about everything. Every time she calls her supervisor, his secretary says he’s in a meeting. You’re not the only one being ignored.”

“I know. It’s like they sit in meetings all day and nothing ever gets done because all they do is talk, talk, talk. And then half the higher-ups leave the meeting and go on vacation. Not to mention summer Fridays. What the fuck is that? It’s like high school up there. Did you know they actually take Fridays off during the summer? We don’t have Fridays off, and we’re doing all the work.”

“I know, man. Mona has totally given up. That’s why she hasn’t been on your ass lately. She doesn’t even know what’s going on.”

“I thought they’d at least want you to stop talking to me?”

He said something, but I couldn’t hear him anymore. Then his image started to fade as he sat beside me.

“What are you doing?” I said.

“Nothing,” he mouthed.

“I can’t hear you.”

“Can you hear me now?” He was clear again.

“Yeah, Jesus, that was weird. It’s like I lost your signal.”

“Fucking Verizon,” he said jokingly.

“It’s not funny. Weird things are happening to me.”

“Welcome the change, Lucian. Honestly, weren’t you bored out of your mind before anyway?”

“Weren’t you?” I asked.

“No, I’m content. I like my life. I like what I do. Hey, I gotta go though.” He looked at his watch. “Top Chef is almost over.”

“Cool, man, good seeing you,” I said.

He waved, then he was gone.

“Mona!” I yelled, but she never came.

I had an idea for how I would spend the rest of the day. First I texted Evey:

Me: Everything okay?

Evey: I’m good. Just reading about pregnancy. Our baby is the size of a lentil.

Me: Wow, weird. I hope you don’t give birth to a giant legume. You never know with us. It could be anything.

Evey: Stop, Lucian. What are you up to?

Me: Nothing much. Just hanging out. Might go see a movie or go jogging.

Evey: You swear to me you’re not hovering in the corner?



It occurred to me that for Evey, this was all kind of creepy.



Me: I promise you, Evey. I’m going to take a walk right now. I’m far away and anyway, I won’t ever watch you without telling you. Just please be safe.

Evey: I’m just lying here. Doors are locked. See you when you get home.

Me: Love you.

Evey: Love you too.



Most normal conversation we had ever had. It was time for my experiment to begin. I stood, and a giant seagull dropped a load of shit on my shoulder. If that wasn’t enough proof that I was becoming a human, I didn’t know what was.