Lucian Divine(46)

“This is normal conversation. You’ve been around long enough to know that. I can’t believe how crazy you’re acting.”

“Me? I’m not acting crazy, you are. You’re probably hormonal or something.”

“Oh no you don’t. Don’t even go there. I resent that. Our baby probably resents that.”

My hands were sweating on the steering wheel. I took a corner too fast, and the tires on Evey’s shitty Honda squealed.

“Jesus, Lucian, are you trying to get us killed?”

“You need a new car!” I yelled. “This car is not safe!”

“This car is perfectly safe. You are the one who is not safe. You need to calm down.”

I took a deep breath in through my nose. “I am calm Evey, but you’re newfound need to be away from me is really pissing me off.”

“You’re pissed? I saw you checking out that blond nurse.”

“What? Oh my God, now you’re really being insane. I’m not attracted to women, for the millionth time.”

“You’re not attracted to women?”

“Other women, I mean.”

“Oh, okay, and you expect me to believe that?” she snapped.

“You don’t understand anything.”

“Well, help me understand.”

“I can’t. I’ve tried. You’re just special. You’re different.” I knew if I said soul mate, she’d laugh.

“I’m special? That nurse had a perfect body, and I saw you checking out her ass. Meanwhile, I can feel myself getting fatter by the minute.”

I stopped arguing with her. I think it was the hormones.

I finally found a spot, parked, jumped out, and rushed to the passenger door with my hand out.

Evey pushed me away. “I can walk on my own. I have two legs still, last time I checked.”

Once inside the apartment, she rushed off to our bedroom and slammed the door. I went to living room and plopped onto the couch. I was fuming too. This wasn’t going as planned. It got even worse when I heard Evey say under her breath, “God, he’s annoying sometimes.”

“I can hear you!” I yelled.

“Then turn off your angel ears, jerk!”

That was it. I marched down the hall and knocked on the door. “Can I come in?”

“Why even ask? Why don’t you just beam yourself in here? You could be in here right now for all I know.”

I turned the knob slowly and opened the door. Walking toward Evey as she lay on the bed, I noticed her eyes were closed, her arms crossed, and she was breathing heavily through her nose. She was very mad. Sitting on the edge of the bed, I took her hand. She resisted at first, but then finally gave in. She kept her eyes shut.

“First, no name-calling, and second, come here. I want to hold you, and I won’t take no for an answer.”

“I don’t want to fight with you,” she said with her eyes still closed.

“I don’t want to fight either.”

She finally looked at me, a little reluctantly at first, but it didn’t take long for Evey’s genuine kindness to come through. She crawled onto my lap, wrapping her legs around my body. I held her head to my chest.

“I’m as scared as you are,” I said. She sniffled. “Please don’t cry. I want to tell you that everything will be okay, but I just don’t know anymore. I can’t give you that comfort, and I feel terrible because of it.” She kissed my neck while I tried to soothe her. “I’m going to leave you alone for a while. I’m going to try to do that more and trust that you’ll be okay, that you’ll watch out for yourself.” She nodded into my shoulder. “Take a nap, my love. I’ll be back in a few hours. Text me if you need anything.”

We had exchanged numbers a week before our wedding, which we both found hysterical. Evey thought it was so funny to text me from the other room. I guess we were becoming sort of normal. I knew I had to get a job and find a way to still protect Evey but also be a person, a member of society… her husband.

I found a billboard off the 1 freeway to sit on and watch the traffic. I sat there for two hours, tempted to text Evey and see how she was doing, but I stayed strong. I blinked once, and Zack was sitting next to me. He looked back at the billboard. “Very apropos, man,” he said. It was a photo of some shiny-haired dude next to the words Jesus is watching you. “Why do humans think Jesus was a white surfer from Southern California?”

I shrugged. “That’s not even the best part. Look behind you.” I directed Zack’s attention the XXX porn shop that sat just to the right of the billboard.

“It’s intentional… the billboard?”

“Yeah.” I laughed through my nose. “Humans are always so willing to judge, but they know nothing.”

“Neither do we,” he said.

“Exactly, so what’s the point of the fake Jesus billboard? It says Jesus is watching, but pseudo-Jesus is smiling. I guess he’s happy that you’re in the porn shop?” Zack laughed and held his hand to his stomach. I was so happy to see him, and I knew he was happy to be there. I ruffled his hair. “I thought you weren’t allowed to talk to me anymore?”

He shrugged and pointed at the billboard. “I’m sure he has bigger fish to fry, and anyway, Mona’s been really cool.”